The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

By dirtytoes - 06/11/2015 14:27 - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 325

You deserved it 4 025

Worst life hack ever

By 1meme129 - 24/02/2016 14:12 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't, he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 323

You deserved it 1 601

By SickOfYourShit - 16/12/2015 15:41 - United States - Kennewick

Today, my boyfriend's bitch of a mother had surgery and now I'm expected to be her at-home nurse. I haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes thanks to her and I've barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 320

You deserved it 2 988

Domestic bliss

By Emma - 08/12/2015 17:23 - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 320

You deserved it 1 584

Plans

By Screw My Parents - 22/12/2015 04:45 - United States - Barrington

Today, my parents confirmed we were going to be taking a Disney World trip for Christmas vacation. I already knew that we were taking a trip, but I was now missing a week of school. Being in 3 honors and an A.P. class, I said that I didn't want to go. I got called an "ungrateful, little prick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 320

You deserved it 8 589

By SlappyMcGee - 08/01/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 317

You deserved it 7 243

By O - 04/04/2016 03:38 - Sweden

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 313

You deserved it 1 442

By unfriendlyskies - 02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 311

You deserved it 2 120

Snap!

By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 309

You deserved it 3 228

Beep beep

By Arachnofail - 08/04/2016 04:16 - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 4 513

Off the charts

By BigHelp - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 4 627

By eminem blows cock - 15/06/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 306

You deserved it 9 758

Plenty of pep

By awks - 01/10/2012 12:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 305

You deserved it 5 969

By hunterjumper1212 - 24/05/2012 07:41 - United States - San Rafael

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 301

You deserved it 2 883

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 297

You deserved it 1 586

By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 15:29 - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 297

You deserved it 1 485

By anonymous - 25/11/2015 02:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 297

You deserved it 1 538

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 294

You deserved it 1 663

By vanilla_blossom - 05/01/2016 18:49 - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 291

You deserved it 1 581

By monster1109 - 10/08/2015 15:51 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 290

You deserved it 9 354

C'mon man!

By Pooping - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 288

You deserved it 2 006

Help wanted…

By lexithepirate - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 287

You deserved it 2 887

By makdra - 06/01/2016 18:01

Today, I found out my mom can't wait until I turn 18, so she can kick me out and turn my room into a huge closet for all her clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 286

You deserved it 2 037

Fashionable

By paaaallllmmmssss - 26/09/2015 03:40 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 285

You deserved it 3 305

By trp007 - 07/04/2014 03:03 - United States - New Castle

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 281

You deserved it 42 690

By AmyLeigh - 26/08/2012 04:18 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 280

You deserved it 2 507

By sleepy125 - 23/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy dress party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 279

You deserved it 2 102

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 12:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 278

You deserved it 1 298

Paperweight

By caramelkarma - 15/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag containing her Tax Materials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 278

You deserved it 65 705

By niii - 26/11/2008 04:26 - France

Today, as I often do, I had sex in my old car. I'm 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we're still living with our parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 271

You deserved it 14 065

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The Top

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 251

You deserved it 10 357

Today, my boyfriend is sulking because he actually thought two weeks paternity leave was going to be our new baby sleeping 18 hours a day while he played his Xbox, and get paid not to go to work every day. He was wrong, it’s been three days, and he’s exhausted already and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 255

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 874

You deserved it 4 511

Today, after my washing machine broke yesterday in the middle of a cycle, I went and spent $1400 on a new one. Also today, my dryer started to smoke and almost caught my clothes on fire. There goes another $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 804

You deserved it 333

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 718

You deserved it 5 643

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 7 787