Intimacy: Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring... - FML

By T.C - 23/01/2010 12:21 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 075

You deserved it 2 502

Hiding from the drama

Another great day to be alive

Hope there's no dancing involved

By Noname - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 346

You deserved it 92 065

By disturbed - 01/06/2014 01:53 - Ireland

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 928

You deserved it 5 688

By Anonymous - 11/03/2015 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 3 776

Creepypasta

By terrifiedanon - 29/06/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 131

By bustedfornuthin - 08/09/2010 04:42 - United States

Today, I was arrested by the police for sitting in what they thought was a stolen vehicle. After being slammed into the back of a squad car at gun point, they realized the car was actually recovered a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 811

You deserved it 2 484

TMI FML

By Addison - 25/06/2012 00:28 - Canada - Kingston

Spicy

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 3 615

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 088

You deserved it 32 364

By Username - 08/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 525

You deserved it 5 596

By Nick - 08/07/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 370

You deserved it 11 745

By _Asykes_ - 25/11/2015 00:56

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 605

You deserved it 2 373

Great job

By onlyme - 23/05/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was lining a soccer field. I had the entire grid laid out, so I began to paint with a handheld cart. I finished the entire field without looking back once. I forgot to put paint in the cart. I walked around a field for an hour painting with air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 139

You deserved it 64 887

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 154

By MyLyfeSux - 25/09/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 902

You deserved it 53 842

By goatvideosarelame - 24/05/2011 07:31 - Singapore

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 3 455

By trgtyo - 18/05/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 650

You deserved it 3 596

By Anonymous - 04/08/2013 07:11 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 253

You deserved it 6 836

By anonymous - 13/09/2015 15:34 - Luxembourg

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 905

You deserved it 2 866

By -___- - 14/09/2013 00:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 553

You deserved it 5 615

By Melinie - 24/06/2012 03:23 - United States

Today, I found an empty parking space in a crowded parking lot. When I came back later, a lady and a cop were standing by my car. Her car used to be parked there and got stolen. They think I'm involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 550

You deserved it 1 892

By JustAnotherFML23 - 04/09/2013 01:32 - United States - Seattle

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 402

You deserved it 7 056

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 174

You deserved it 1 814

By Anonymous - 31/03/2015 03:52 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, it was my first day working as a dental assistant, leaving me in charge of all cleaning. The first patient was so scared, he peed his pants. Which might have been understandable if he hadn't been a fully grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 431

You deserved it 2 458

By Username - 12/11/2010 14:46 - United States

Today, I contacted a girl who dropped her ID at a club last night. I offer to drive 2 hours to return her ID to her. She is thrilled. When I arrive, she gives me a strange look, takes the ID, and runs back into her house. A two hour drive without even a thank you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 239

You deserved it 13 675

Emotional rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 02/10/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, my dad all but told me that he ignores me and my advice on purpose, just so he can yell at me for pestering him when I get annoyed, and being ignored really ticks me off. Then my mom, who is the more level-headed one, didn't even scold him for it. This is why I have acute self-esteem issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 150

By Passtheicecream - 25/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 592

By EricCartman - 20/05/2009 03:31 - United States

Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 532

You deserved it 6 421

By TiredMom - 16/02/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 897

You deserved it 10 056

By feels like an asshole - 09/06/2015 20:03 - United States

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 212

You deserved it 3 185

Domestic bliss

By Good_old_Grim - 15/10/2009 13:51 - Latvia

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 678

You deserved it 2 807

It's not a phase!

By Dumped - 24/04/2021 20:08

Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 79

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 067

You deserved it 4 414

By loser - 09/11/2012 16:07 - United States - Washington

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 520

You deserved it 5 987

By eggonmiface - 01/07/2018 15:00

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 360

You deserved it 479

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 447

You deserved it 24 572

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 459

You deserved it 4 246

Landmine

By Anonymous - 03/04/2021 00:30

Today, my sister told everyone she doesn't get mad at people anymore, and just accepts it. Today is also the day she folded laundry and threw my clothes around my room. Still not mad, just passive aggressive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 92

By killme - 07/03/2015 18:42 - United States - Broomfield

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 081

You deserved it 3 668

By anonymous - 18/07/2013 13:53 - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 330

You deserved it 6 862

By Anonymous - 07/07/2013 19:04 - Germany - Ahaus

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 358

You deserved it 3 143

By Anonymous - 12/07/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 892

You deserved it 16 332

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:20

must not have been to happily married!

mizzleshizzle 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:15

your stupid, the thing to do Is be a man and stick to the commitments he made, otherwise he's just a pussy.

Comments

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:07

1st haha! oh your life sucks by the way

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 0:43

hes a g

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Thursday 20 January 2011 20:58

no, you should confront your dad and make sure HE tells her.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:12

First?

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:14

Fail.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:20

must not have been to happily married!

MadeOfAwesome 1

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:21

Well yeah, that's kind of the point.

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Friday 5 March 2010 7:08

who is everr happily married nowadays....everybody is a lecher..

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:41

I found out that about my dad, Im just not sure if I should tell my mom

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 4:25

I think u shud

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Saturday 19 June 2010 4:41

I agree with 38

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:49

This is why infidelity is immoral! It hurts the ones most vulnerable... FYL for real!!!!!

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Saturday 23 January 2010 20:53

that's why he's happily married lol

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Saturday 23 January 2010 21:02

it's tiger woods!

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Monday 30 May 2011 15:36

damn202-9 nice job

VanessaVander 2

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Saturday 23 January 2010 21:26

probably not all that happy lol

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Saturday 23 January 2010 21:31

Ok... let me explain this... He went to a professional sex worker... this obviously means that he was sexually unfulfilled at home and despite what prudes will tell you, sexually fulfillment is very important. So he had several options: Divorce his wife, cheat with someone and form a new relationship, or hire a sex worker. He chose the sex worker. Why? It means that he was only sexually unfulfilled but it does NOT mean that he doesn't still love you, his wife, and his family. He chose to go to a professional to have his needs met while still providing his family with everything they need... Compared to the other options, this is by far the best. and ultimately, it's none of your business. Do you want your parents sticking their noses into your sex life? I doubt it. So stay away from theirs. Also, I wouldn't be too surprised if your mom already knows and is ok with it. Honestly, he did the right thing in this situation...

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Saturday 23 January 2010 22:11

I've never thought about it that way; you have a good point.

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Saturday 23 January 2010 22:21

no that means he's a shitty husband

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Saturday 23 January 2010 22:42

great coment.. I agree fully with you. and thanks for clearing up what an escort is. lol

mizzleshizzle 0

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Saturday 23 January 2010 23:15

your stupid, the thing to do Is be a man and stick to the commitments he made, otherwise he's just a pussy.

PottentialFML 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 5:30

GravityPlanx you should become a lobbyest for Tobacco companies or firearms.

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Monday 6 June 2011 0:53

poop

marquez_jasmine 6

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Tuesday 2 October 2012 17:49

Is counseling not an option anymore ? If he was that in love with his wife he would of tried to work something else out. He's just a dirty cheating bastard. Don't make excuses for Jackasses

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Saturday 13 April 2013 15:09

Spoken like a true cheater.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 123

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 809