Top

Top agreed Top commented Top favorited

Top of the day Top of the week Top of the month Top of the year

Top all time

Where am I?

By awalc - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles superglued to my forehead. FML

agreeclassic 33 271

vote type 1 6 162

By Frenchgirl - 16/09/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

agreeclassic 33 269

vote type 1 6 222

By nyatzz - 16/11/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

agreeclassic 33 269

vote type 1 2 932

By allwrong - 16/03/2010 10:27 - Australia

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

agreeclassic 33 267

vote type 1 13 278

By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

agreeclassic 33 266

vote type 1 6 376

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

agreeclassic 33 266

vote type 1 12 880

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

agreeclassic 33 265

vote type 1 6 998

Remember those vampire dudes?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

agreeclassic 33 264

vote type 1 8 299

By Agata - 21/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

agreeclassic 33 263

vote type 1 2 891

By me - 30/04/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I was sword fighting in a play when I accidentally hit the other person in the head. He called me a bitch and stormed off stage, leaving me alone with an audience of 50. FML

agreeclassic 33 261

vote type 1 5 210

By plantfood - 06/08/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML

agreeclassic 33 258

vote type 1 9 098

plantfood app_comment_confession_title

plantfood 4

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:12

Deep conversation for FML.

By Anonymous - 10/05/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

agreeclassic 33 257

vote type 1 11 977

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

agreeclassic 33 256

vote type 1 7 215

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 17:39 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

agreeclassic 33 255

vote type 1 2 092

By IngenuityAbsent - 22/02/2015 13:54 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

agreeclassic 33 254

vote type 1 4 762

By Username - 09/05/2011 17:23 - China

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a workmate, I took a sip of the tea, which I had forgotten was boiling hot, and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

agreeclassic 33 253

vote type 1 10 559

Praise the Lord

By Zippermania9 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

agreeclassic 33 250

vote type 1 13 888

By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

agreeclassic 33 250

vote type 1 2 470

By badbride - 26/07/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

agreeclassic 33 249

vote type 1 34 782

By Peter C. - 22/01/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

agreeclassic 33 247

vote type 1 10 430

By Grindwhore - 17/09/2012 10:46 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

agreeclassic 33 246

vote type 1 2 362

Grindwhore app_comment_confession_title

Grindwhore 2

Tuesday 18 September 2012 7:01

They have yet to give me a reason why, I'm still confused as hell.

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

agreeclassic 33 245

vote type 1 9 557

By klaatu barada nikto - 20/01/2015 13:23 - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

agreeclassic 33 245

vote type 1 2 697

By xXangelaXx - 21/08/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

agreeclassic 33 245

vote type 1 6 095

Bad boy

By VtecKickIn - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

agreeclassic 33 244

vote type 1 5 810

By rybread - 01/03/2010 00:34 - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

agreeclassic 33 243

vote type 1 4 188

By CatLitterLover - 08/02/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

agreeclassic 33 242

vote type 1 15 647

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 22:09 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

agreeclassic 33 242

vote type 1 3 392

By hannahlorraine - 25/11/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

agreeclassic 33 241

vote type 1 2 816

By virginat16 - 14/12/2010 11:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

agreeclassic 33 240

vote type 1 7 808

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

agreeclassic 1 936

vote type 1 108

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 32 145

vote type 1 3 509

Today, at noon, I'm marrying the love of my life. It's 4 a.m. and I can't stop vomiting and shitting. FML

agreeclassic 1 227

vote type 1 94

Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML

agreeclassic 1 045

vote type 1 165

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

agreeclassic 47 261

vote type 1 6 996

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

agreeclassic 42 246

vote type 1 3 930