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The all-time greatest FMLs

By can't win - 13/01/2015 16:25 - Australia

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 503

You deserved it 3 460

Matchmakers

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 3 834

By Mikimiks93 - 02/07/2010 15:05 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 7 909

By itsover - 11/12/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Facebook. I don't even have Facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 495

You deserved it 3 392

By vstan - 25/08/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 494

You deserved it 5 125

Jump scare

By izzy46111 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 493

You deserved it 5 323

By coffee - 22/08/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 493

You deserved it 13 625

By ZPyRoGoDz - 30/10/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 492

You deserved it 2 567

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 491

You deserved it 4 432

By alaskan1989 - 22/01/2011 01:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 489

You deserved it 9 958

By annesolmm - 28/03/2014 01:17 - France - Paris

Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 489

You deserved it 9 018

Oh what a night

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 09/06/2013 23:33 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 487

You deserved it 9 146

By Alice - 27/05/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 486

You deserved it 3 193

Wedding shaming

By soccerbooty - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend started to plan our wedding. He included a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 485

You deserved it 8 301

Thanks for the mental image!

By jennythezebra - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Thornton Heath

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 484

You deserved it 5 755

Sorry!

By rabid_otaku - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 482

You deserved it 2 990

LMAO FML

By notfunny - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally confessed my feelings to my long time crush. He was the only one I've been able to muster up the courage to open up to. He replied, "lmao" and hasn't texted back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 481

You deserved it 6 815

By ktin - 19/08/2010 12:02 - Australia

Today, I got Wii Fit, Wii Mario Kart and Wii Mario Galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a Wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 479

You deserved it 4 883

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 478

You deserved it 2 653

Get the message

By kfoehslfns - 01/08/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 477

You deserved it 12 797

By Jims - 29/04/2011 14:00 - Singapore

Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 477

You deserved it 5 768

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 476

You deserved it 3 962

By stanDman - 19/01/2009 18:05 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 475

You deserved it 10 479

Lipstick drama

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 474

You deserved it 3 220

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 23:38 - Canada

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 472

You deserved it 7 010

By Kenny - 24/01/2014 07:16 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 39 471

You deserved it 8 348

By auzziegirl1938 - 16/08/2014 23:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my roommate decided to throw a huge party in the early hours of the morning. I have to start at my new job soon, a window just got smashed, and I'm tired as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 469

You deserved it 4 103

auzziegirl1938 tells us more.

auzziegirl1938 22

Sunday 17 August 2014 16:29

OP here, got an email saying it's been published, so woooo, cheerin on that one haha. The story is that I moved in on campus recently, and my roommates aren't that bad but they're pretty out there. I was a little miffed, I had told them that I was starting a new job in the morning and that I was sick, they started partying just as went to bed and kept it up until about 3-4am, and I had to be up at 5. As for the window being smashed, someone decided it would be fun to push the heater through the window. Apparently it was cold outside. For the people saying things like "if you can't beat them join them" I don't think walking in after 0 hours sleep would confirm that job for me. As for the window puns..! Keep them coming, love it haha keeping me very amused! ???

By ctop - 13/05/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the lecture hall. A girl walked by to get to her seat and her dress got caught on the handles, lifting it up. She didn't notice but I did, so I tried to take it off the handles. She turned around to see me holding her dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 469

You deserved it 8 442

By justmyluck - 26/08/2011 05:28 - Australia

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 468

You deserved it 10 022

Seriously?

By chawlay - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 467

You deserved it 4 720

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Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 901

You deserved it 1 867

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 666

You deserved it 4 721

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 956

You deserved it 10 782

Today, I walked into a public toilet and I opened a stall door, only to discover someone who had forgotten to lock the door sitting on the can. Instead of saying "Sorry," I panicked and said, "Nice shoes!" I then had to wait until they left because I was too embarrassed to face them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 178

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 215

You deserved it 6 703

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 904

You deserved it 2 755