Money: Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy....

By coffee - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

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Money

Triage

Walk on the wild side

Strawberry surprise

By WitchQueenLiz - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

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By AKN - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

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By Norwegian - Norway

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML

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By Anonymous

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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By Evra - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

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By demotivator - Romania - Timisoara

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

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By CrimsonAmaryllis - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

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By Imretarded - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got let go from my job, because my personal cell phone doesn't always have signal, so I missed an important call from work. My contract specifically said I'd get a work phone, which never happened. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

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By newsgirl - United States

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

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By minac11 - United States - Brooklyn

I am sorry!

Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML

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By Theslacker... - United States - Coplay

Today, a number of people came to visit me in the hospital, including my grandparents. They called me "weak" and "a cowardly millennial" for going to the ER instead of sucking it up, and blamed me for rising healthcare costs. I had a compound fracture. FML

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By Savviecat97

Today, I finally got to see the results of the new timesheet I made to make things simpler for both the employees and the managers. Apparently, 75% of them don't know how to read. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

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By adogg18 - United States

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

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By void bowels() { cry(); } - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

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By rita

Today, my 10-year-old daughter hid in her closet all day and did not come out. The reason? She didn't want to eat my pot roast. I didn't realize my cooking was that bad. FML

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By The captain - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

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By DBR - United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

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By Squinty6 - Canada

Today, my boss lectured me on the evils of alcohol and how it was 'prohibited' during the 1980s. I said nothing because he hates being corrected. FML

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By CutePenguin - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

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By Noname - Slovenia

Today, they finally took my braces off. 7 hours later I fell off my bike and chipped my tooth. FML

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By fedupson - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

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By MumMatters - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

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By Anonymous

First dates suck

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

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By B-Ry

Today, I had a date with a girl. The chemistry was just right and she seemed perfect in every way until she staunchly insisted that the earth is flat. FML

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4389

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By Alexandra - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

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By Penguinsuit

Today, I threw my clothes in the laundry and had only penguin pajamas to wear. My mother forgot to mention that she was expecting a handyman. Guess who got greeted by an adult woman in a penguin suit. FML

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4071

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By Stacy - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

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By flowerman - United States

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

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33933

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By thenerd - 24/3/2021 02:00

Likely story

Today, I was doing an online live exam with the camera on when the power suddenly went out. FML

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By ch - United States

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

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41228

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By Josie - Australia

Today, I went to my "not so technologically advanced" grandma's house to help her out with her computer. It appears she has very interesting conversations with the man who lives in the apartment above her. FML

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32972

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By Harry - United States

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

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By smth - United States

Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML

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By afraid of flying too - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

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53822

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By TheOtherWoman - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

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By CoyoteOldOne - 12/9/2020 08:59 - United States - Denver

DIY decoration tips

Today, I got an empty peanut butter jar to put my used insulin needles in so nobody gets stuck. My husband washed it for me. He also wrote all over it: "F*** off! Sharps! Do not f***ing touch! Go away! Do not f***ing throw away!" Thanks, sweetie. Now it looks like a crazy guy shouting on the subway. FML

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Top comments

By BluPenguin | 3

#1283819 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:32

you jacked a homeless guy's wallet???

By bodoquito89 | 0

#1283788 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:20

how ungrateful :-(

COMMENTS

By bodoquito89 | 0

#1283788 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:20

how ungrateful :-(

the_flirtt | 0

#1283798 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:22

hah I'm guessing the hobos ?

bodoquito89 | 0

#1283801 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:23

lol yeah

Shookitup | 0

#1283817 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:31

See that's why you can never be too sure about people :/
Don't worry though, good things will come your way ^.^

the_flirtt | 0

#1283824 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:33

no the hobo cursed him

andruha1123 | 5

#1283840 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:36

why do we have to guess.. would have been a lot easier if you just told us..... sigh

Chrisskiies | 0

#1283843 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:36

ignore the hobos hanging out in front of starbucks. It isn't hard.

Trupe | 3

#1283946 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:07

Why would you hug a random hobo?

DocBastard | 38

#1283963 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:19

Congratulations OP, you're an all day sucker. That's the oldest trick in the hobo book.

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1283990 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:29

ikr! I give hobos a 6-inch sandwich every time I go 2 subway by my job. A different 1 every time, and they never did that to me. Maybe the hobo was hungry...

azn_pridee69 | 0

#1284165 - Sunday 22 August 2010 15:17

haha ;D .

123OLALO | 0

#1284254 - Sunday 22 August 2010 16:02

i hate how ppl take advantage of you after you do something nice to them. ungrateful bitches...

ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1285095 - Sunday 22 August 2010 16:28

Haha 38- what good does nice do you when a hobo just stole all your cookies? (metaphorically speaking)

zoolu6879 | 0

#1285264 - Sunday 22 August 2010 16:58

No good deed goes unpunished.

Brittney_E | 0

#1285707 - Sunday 22 August 2010 18:52

karma on him!(:

Josk95 | 0

#1285931 - Sunday 22 August 2010 19:56

OP, don't you know that you never should hug a homeless?

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1286113 - Sunday 22 August 2010 20:16

He want to hug me wooo
he wants to love me wooo
he'll snag your wallet wooo woo oo oo
don't hug a ho-bo
never hug a ho-bo
won't hug cos that ho-bo steals thingys

hockeyplayer82 | 0

#1286702 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:36

I'm going to guess the hobos wallet us gone?

AbsoluteTurtle | 0

#1286714 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:44

it could be worse, the hobo could have taken YOU and left the wallet.

kal915 | 0

#1286728 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:56

why would be nice to a hobo? they are too lazy to get a job that's why they're homeless.

mshoes12346 | 3

#1287630 - Monday 23 August 2010 2:57

good for u to bein nice to hobos but ydi for huggin him...

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1287982 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:51

79 "Don't trust me" reference ftw!!!
Rotflmbo!

starile | 19

#1288210 - Monday 23 August 2010 6:04

kal... your world is very small. I almost feel bad for you.

starile | 19

#1288232 - Monday 23 August 2010 6:11

BTW OP Sucks that your wallet got stolen.

Mehness | 0

#1292430 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 2:32

You bitch! How could you steal a poor homeless man's wallet like that!?!?!

pwincessa23 | 1

#1349659 - Saturday 4 September 2010 10:46

lol 85 made me laugh!!!

ballinbri123 | 0

#1394438 - Sunday 12 September 2010 19:47

Ha! Ah~greed :D

By Link_Asriel | 0

#1283790 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:20

last!!! did i win?
Edit: damn so close. see you on page ten....

By JamieLeeLV | 0

#1283814 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:31

who hugs a homeless guy?

misfit471 | 0

#1284009 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:38

Are you in Metallica Myliferocks24..? :P

foreverspellman | 0

#1285293 - Sunday 22 August 2010 17:04

exactly what I was going to say. should have done another nice thing... called the cops and had him arrested. free place to stay and at least a meal or two, even if it's jail.