Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy....

By coffee - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

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Money

Serious times

Insane parents

Stress level: 2020

By lemongrab - Canada

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

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54863

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By Anonymous - United States - Craftsbury

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

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36147

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By Jbug - United States - Stillwater

She moves quickly!

Today, my girlfriend found a teacher who taught her 10 years ago. He's a complete player, but she fell instantly and madly in love with him and kicked me to the curb. We dated for 3 years and lived together for two. I was fixing to propose in 2 weeks. FML

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4611

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By poisonivyretard - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

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35488

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By pain - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

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60308

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By notsurprised - United States

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

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37374

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By -_- - United States - Inverness

Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML

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By Nominome - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

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By Kathryn - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

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35774

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By RainyDay - United States

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

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52209

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

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33699

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By pimpdaddyX - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

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12122

You deserved it

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By needlessly hungry

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

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918

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By firehurts - United States - Wallkill

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

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27166

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By Anonymous - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

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48308

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By very analytical - United States - Ashland

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

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26171

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By beenawhile - United States - Boston

Fair point

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1501

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177

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By Stoodup

Today I spent an hour getting ready for my first date of the year, only to wait 30 min in the cold and then walking back home by myself. Why didn’t he show up? On his way to the date he got invited for a threesome and decided to do that instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2208

You deserved it

200

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

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16184

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By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, my cat brought home a bloody, barely-living mouse. The thing managed to escape and dragged itself into a crack in the wall, where it must have died. The only way to get it out before it starts to stink up the place is by demolishing the wall. FML

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18738

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

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18216

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By james88 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

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13521

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By danggit3290 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

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26933

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom

Dodged a bullet

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her father looked me up and down, said, “No” then went back to his TV. My girlfriend immediately broke up with me and threw me out. I even had to get a really expensive taxi home, because we’d driven in her car and I had no idea what part of the city I was in. FML

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1533

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

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By girl on fire

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25312

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By RescuePups - United States - Waterford

Sneaky Bitch

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

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3224

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By anon - United States - Kent

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

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30941

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By a genius - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

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14857

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By Davey Crocker - 23/4/2020 08:00

Stay safe, wear a hazmat suit

Today, my coworker volunteered me to drop laptops off at two sites outside our normal areas. I asked if they were safe from COVID-19. "I don't know, but you're young. You'll be okay," responded the man who's been working from home for weeks. FML

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1480

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By supersplatoon - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

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21939

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

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36467

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By Kiimmy - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

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17698

You deserved it

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By vampyrate3562 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to run for the train, but because of my bad foot and limping they held the train, much to people's displeasure. No one let me sit down, so for the 20 minute journey, I stood. With a bad foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29808

You deserved it

4019

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By Madi - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML

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34582

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3585

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML

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31865

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By sigh - United States - Frederick

Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML

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44936

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By Katie - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

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By lice - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

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125123

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Top comments

By BluPenguin | 3

#1283819 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:32

you jacked a homeless guy's wallet???

By bodoquito89 | 0

#1283788 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:20

how ungrateful :-(

COMMENTS

By bodoquito89 | 0

#1283788 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:20

how ungrateful :-(

the_flirtt | 0

#1283798 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:22

hah I'm guessing the hobos ?

bodoquito89 | 0

#1283801 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:23

lol yeah

Shookitup | 0

#1283817 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:31

See that's why you can never be too sure about people :/
Don't worry though, good things will come your way ^.^

the_flirtt | 0

#1283824 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:33

no the hobo cursed him

andruha1123 | 5

#1283840 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:36

why do we have to guess.. would have been a lot easier if you just told us..... sigh

Chrisskiies | 0

#1283843 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:36

ignore the hobos hanging out in front of starbucks. It isn't hard.

Trupe | 3

#1283946 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:07

Why would you hug a random hobo?

DocBastard | 38

#1283963 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:19

Congratulations OP, you're an all day sucker. That's the oldest trick in the hobo book.

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1283990 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:29

ikr! I give hobos a 6-inch sandwich every time I go 2 subway by my job. A different 1 every time, and they never did that to me. Maybe the hobo was hungry...

azn_pridee69 | 0

#1284165 - Sunday 22 August 2010 15:17

haha ;D .

123OLALO | 0

#1284254 - Sunday 22 August 2010 16:02

i hate how ppl take advantage of you after you do something nice to them. ungrateful bitches...

ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1285095 - Sunday 22 August 2010 16:28

Haha 38- what good does nice do you when a hobo just stole all your cookies? (metaphorically speaking)

zoolu6879 | 0

#1285264 - Sunday 22 August 2010 16:58

No good deed goes unpunished.

Brittney_E | 0

#1285707 - Sunday 22 August 2010 18:52

karma on him!(:

Josk95 | 0

#1285931 - Sunday 22 August 2010 19:56

OP, don't you know that you never should hug a homeless?

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1286113 - Sunday 22 August 2010 20:16

He want to hug me wooo
he wants to love me wooo
he'll snag your wallet wooo woo oo oo
don't hug a ho-bo
never hug a ho-bo
won't hug cos that ho-bo steals thingys

hockeyplayer82 | 0

#1286702 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:36

I'm going to guess the hobos wallet us gone?

AbsoluteTurtle | 0

#1286714 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:44

it could be worse, the hobo could have taken YOU and left the wallet.

kal915 | 0

#1286728 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:56

why would be nice to a hobo? they are too lazy to get a job that's why they're homeless.

mshoes12346 | 3

#1287630 - Monday 23 August 2010 2:57

good for u to bein nice to hobos but ydi for huggin him...

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#1287982 - Monday 23 August 2010 4:51

79 "Don't trust me" reference ftw!!!
Rotflmbo!

starile | 19

#1288210 - Monday 23 August 2010 6:04

kal... your world is very small. I almost feel bad for you.

starile | 19

#1288232 - Monday 23 August 2010 6:11

BTW OP Sucks that your wallet got stolen.

Mehness | 0

#1292430 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 2:32

You bitch! How could you steal a poor homeless man's wallet like that!?!?!

pwincessa23 | 1

#1349659 - Saturday 4 September 2010 10:46

lol 85 made me laugh!!!

ballinbri123 | 0

#1394438 - Sunday 12 September 2010 19:47

Ha! Ah~greed :D

By Link_Asriel | 0

#1283790 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:20

last!!! did i win?
Edit: damn so close. see you on page ten....

By JamieLeeLV | 0

#1283814 - Sunday 22 August 2010 12:31

who hugs a homeless guy?

misfit471 | 0

#1284009 - Sunday 22 August 2010 13:38

Are you in Metallica Myliferocks24..? :P

foreverspellman | 0

#1285293 - Sunday 22 August 2010 17:04

exactly what I was going to say. should have done another nice thing... called the cops and had him arrested. free place to stay and at least a meal or two, even if it's jail.