By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 05:45 - United States
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So... Your partner is your personal prostitute? Give some money and receive some sex. Interesting view, but i'd like to point out that some people see sex as an act of love, which means that you can't buy sex from your lover and that (s)he is entitled to say 'no', even during special occasions. But still, FYL, OP. I've been in similar situations and it sucks.
I agree with 74 & 66. She didn't have to say it that way she could have just told him she rather enjoy the moment & she is not feeling up for sex. Maybe could have cuddled or did something less than intercourse. Or treated him to something sweet. I just don't think making such a comment after her boyfriend putting so much effort was called for. I would have at least done something in return to be appreciative. I know I would hurt my boyfriend's ego if I acted that way. So OP, sorry that happened maybe you shouldn't put so much effort for a few days & see how she feels about it & learns to appreciate more. I'm sure she'd miss it if she cares about you just like you do about her.
"It is an act of love, but if he is willing to go through such a fuss in making her happy, shouldn't she return the favor?" Well, it would be nice, but she's not obliged to do it. You can't force your partner to make love with you because it's your anniversary/wedding night/birthday/some other fancy occasion. If you want to have sex on your demand, you'll better buy a blow-up doll, her emotional and physical desire for sex is less complicated than that of a real person.
Women and minorities have everything done for them nowadays and every excuse given for them. Oh, so you don't want to cool dinner for your girl? You stereotypical, sexist pig. Oh, so you think women are bad drivers? Sexist douchebag. My point is, everyone wins but the white male. Vote me down, I don't really care. You people sicken me with your stupid wishy-washy morals and beliefs. What's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong. Have a backbone for crying out loud.
I think people are missing the point. OP isn't upset that his wife turned down sex. That's well within her rights. But to say it's because it would be cliché is an invalid reason after a candlelit dinner and all the other cheesy stuff she was happy to do earlier.
You buy sex, and you buy love. In this day and age, a large portion of women won't sleep with men unless they buy them food or drinks, and in a relationship, it's generally expected that the male pay for the meal, and if you want commitment you have to buy a ring to purchase her love. Of course, it's not always the case, but I'm sure that he could've payed for a prostitute for the night for the amount of money he spent on the trip, trying to be compassionate and romantic, hoping to have a loving moment with his wife only for her to turn him down.
Well, my girlfriend is allowed to turn down sex anytime she wants. all she has to do is say "sorry baby, but I'm not in the mood tonight." and I am perfectly fine with that. However, if she turns down sex through passive-agressive methods, then i reserve the right to post on fml about it.
Come on guys, haven't your parents ever told you that you don't give to get back? You give out of love. Not to just receive something back. So either way he was a little self conceited for assuming he'd get sex for giving her something. I get or do things for my fiancé all of the time. Whether its a special occasion or just a random day. I do these things to show him how much I appreciate him. Not so I can get something out of it.
I agree with everything you've said for the most part. You said, "you give out of love" - a 3rd Anniversary is a great time to do just that. Wouldn't you agree? I think a lot of posters are thinking he was "expecting" sex in "exchange for taking her out" whereas it's more likely OP was more upset over the excuse that was made... which was absolutely ridiculous. If she truly cared about him and was considerate of his feelings she would be honest about declining and not give some bullshit excuse like that. There is such a thing as mutual respect in marriage. (not speaking from experience LOL)
Well next time you should tell her after she spends hours making dinner "eating dinner is too clichè"
Wow, what a lovely display of male chauvinism. Whereas I agree that she shouldn’t have used the excuse of it “being cliché” after spending a pretty “cliché” evening, I still believe that a woman is entitled to say no to sex whenever she doesn’t feel like it. Same for a man. And maybe we only heard one side of the story, maybe the husband made heavy hints that after buying dinner and a boat ride, he was clearly hoping for some payback. Maybe, just maybe, she wanted to teach him a lesson about doing nice things for your partner without expecting something in return and this has nothing to do with her being a bitch or cheating on him.
Married or not, sex is not to be expected on demand. I am engaged and having a healthy sex life is important for my fiance and me. However, we don't expect to have to do it on b-days or anniversaries. My point was that sometimes looking too keen does not give the results expected. My fiance would find really off-putting and annoying if I was pushing him for sex when he doesn't feel like it. I am just being the devil's advocate there. It is possible that OP's wife was just being selfish but it is also possible that OP makes these types of efforts only if he is gaining something in return. As I said, using the "cliche" excuse was lame but we don't know what's the background here. It's interesting to see however how many guys jumped to the conclusion: "wow what a bitch, after everything he's done for her, couldn't she just bend and be grateful?"
It is also interesting to see how many women jumped to the conclusion that he was expecting sex in return for a nice evening. Maybe (just maybe) the wife was being a bitch to her husband, regardless of how romantic the evening was, in denying something special that they could share simply because she didn't feel it was different or surprising.
I'm going to ignore the sheer nonsense that comprises most of this post and just say the following: You're right that a woman has the right to say no to her partner if she doesn't feel like it or not in the mood; say NO, not make a bullshit excuse that it's too cliché when candlelit dinners and boat rides are about as original as a blowjob.
It's one thing to not want to have sex, but that's just such a bullshit excuse. She could have at least talked about it with you, instead of lying like that. If she honestly was basing her decision off of how cliché it would be, then I truly feel sorry for you for marrying such an idiot.
You should've thrown her out the boat and told her that boat rides are too cliche