Transportation: Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road...

By Mikimiks93 - 02/07/2010 15:05 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 421

You deserved it 7 878

Transportation

You tried

Late term

Age difference

Grandma rocks!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 21:38 - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 402

You deserved it 5 168

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 09:07 - Australia

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has 'politely' posted up on facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 3 442

Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.

By Karma - 15/03/2017 02:00

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 7 053

By quarterback - 23/01/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 074

You deserved it 44 514

By Cashier - 09/03/2011 05:36 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for 'the trouble' I caused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 186

You deserved it 3 783

By homelesslyf - 30/12/2018 22:00 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I was kicked out of my aunt's house for being 15 minutes late for her to pick me up. She told me she doesn't want me to come home and left me in a panicked mess. My sister and brother are on her side and refuse to talk to me. I'm now couch surfing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 363

You deserved it 383

The step after egg mode

By I’m a boy - 09/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was told that because I have an anime profile picture, I’m obviously extremely ugly in real life. I’m not ugly, I’m trans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 765

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 860

You deserved it 8 683

By WesJaz - 08/01/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 443

You deserved it 4 440

By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 829

You deserved it 761

By ApparentlyIFail - 20/11/2009 09:30 - France

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 3 190

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 17:58 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 479

You deserved it 9 491

By Username - 23/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 5 923

By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 308

You deserved it 3 001

By Kelly - 02/08/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 107

You deserved it 3 153

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 3 619

By EliseV - 03/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 791

You deserved it 5 964

By almost jobless - 11/07/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 603

You deserved it 32 734

Freaky

By Marie - 20/01/2021 05:01

Today, I have been finding long black hairs all over my bathroom. My hair is short and blonde, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 57

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 10:29 - France - Paris

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 096

You deserved it 10 608

And I oop

By not drunk - 21/07/2020 08:01

Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 223

By 6xrv - 08/04/2017 14:00

Today, while at the mall, I was traveling up the escalator on my way to the food court. When I neared the top, the handrail severely shocked me, causing me to drop a bag of China I had just bought, which fell to the bottom of the escalator and shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 412

You deserved it 509

By talktothefacecausethehandswanking - 22/06/2013 18:54 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 379

You deserved it 5 287

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 00:43 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbor has a cat. I was blessed with this knowledge when she threw several piles of used kitty litter and cat poop over her balcony and onto my patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 820

You deserved it 2 172

By youshitme - 25/11/2009 14:45 - Australia

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 236

You deserved it 7 810

By drunkboysgf - 21/10/2011 07:39 - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 536

You deserved it 5 205

By talhabilal - 11/03/2010 14:28 - Pakistan

Today, I found out that my entire family thinks I have no friends, am expressionless (to quote, "a robot") and that my monotonous voice hints at the suppressed depression hidden deep inside me. According to them, I need psychic evaluation. It all came out at a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 720

You deserved it 3 466

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 16:21 - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 774

You deserved it 2 034

By pussyface96 - 19/09/2012 09:27 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 586

You deserved it 44 431

By monsterinlaw - 21/01/2014 06:25 - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that even after three years, my boyfriend's mother replies, "Unfortunately" when asked if we are still together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 512

You deserved it 4 129

By Shelly - 14/12/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 938

You deserved it 33 972

By hopelesss88 - 17/06/2010 12:42 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 543

You deserved it 4 309

By Hopslammer - 17/06/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 209

You deserved it 48 965

By chelserusera - 14/05/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 281

You deserved it 7 584

By Alice - 30/08/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 501

You deserved it 3 262

By Savannah - 15/06/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 952

You deserved it 54 984

By Anonymous - 11/09/2013 18:10 - United States - Miami

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 095

You deserved it 10 032

By Anonymous - 13/09/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a college that I'd applied to 6 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 039

You deserved it 2 602

By weddingsalwayssuck - 28/01/2013 21:01 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 586

You deserved it 2 834

Logic

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 20:01

Today, I received a call telling me I had not gotten a job I would have been a perfect fit for. The hiring manager told me they "went in the opposite direction" and chose to hire someone with less experience, so they didn't have to pay them as much. She made sure to tell me I was still the better candidate though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 49

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Top comments

Richisme 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:18

The pole was lonely. It thanks

Carl_Duker 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:05

what are the odds huh!

llAllStarll 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:02

everyone respond to this so there will be no more thread jacking

ATL_chris 6

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:05

pole win

ninjacapo 2

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:08

lol whos seen m night shamalans "signs". good movie.

HandOfClod 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:12

Before you sneezed you should have said "Pika". So that way you'd say Pikachu!

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:12

Don't get eaten by the big furry kitties.

ajohnson2318 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:17

female drivers. wouldn't expect anything less...

im_banned 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:27

haha agree

PaperCaper 11

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:43

Lol 13, that makes a lot of sense, considering our insurance is lower.

Oreosbff 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:58

LOL you must have the worst luck...hope your car still works!

Brittneyyyy 7

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Friday 2 July 2010 20:18

How does sneezing cause you to lose all control of your car and run into a pole?

tweetbaby14 18

Friday 2 July 2010 20:52

38- only when someone is lying

samanthadude 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 21:11

lol @ 10 My sneezes are really high pitched. :P

Einstein714 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 22:46

finally, a fml that makes sense. that is if you totaled out your ride with no cell signal and sat stranded in the bush

956TXking 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 23:23

OP was probably giving road head lol

cbr600_fml 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 23:53

that must it been one he'll of a sneeze

Moshpoint0 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 0:03

67 - Yeah, while driving...idiot.

956TXking 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 0:22

73 no shit that's why she crashed idiot

crailboyne 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 0:46

anyone else get the funny part of this? there's some bush and a pole sticking out...hehe

boating_guy 33

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Saturday 3 July 2010 0:47

HAHAHAHAHHHAHA!!! women drivers LMFAO and yea @27 ur insurance is only less cuz women make less money

fuckyourcouch89 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 1:41

because op is a shit driver

TheBreaKer_fml 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 5:43

why was she driving in the kitchen?

slimjim8094 12

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Saturday 3 July 2010 6:25

women drive vastly fewer miles. although admittedly guys' accidents tend to be far bigger, women have nearly twice as many. it comes down to men having a more developed spatial processing system than women, so they know where the car is, and what it can do, better.

ZleveL 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 8:47

lol 78 you dirty fool XD samanthadude which one is you? art thou thy darker maiden? henceforth, whereforth, shoppe, ye olde old English ftw

ZleveL 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 8:49

*which one ARE you? oh silly me :p

NzxtZ06 0

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Saturday 3 July 2010 9:02

the only big furry kitties I've seen are on the women who haven't shaved in quite a while

TheNewGuy03 28

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Monday 5 July 2010 2:23

i have yet to lose control of my car while doing so, but i apparently have pretty powerful sneezes. like bang-your-head-on-the-desk-in-a-quiet-room sneezes. so i can see it as a possibility, at least. |the kid|

Rawwrness 3

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:04

that sux

Carl_Duker 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:05

what are the odds huh!

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:16

Probably really low :P but it happened, sucks for you

marshbbylove 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:40

Had to be karma. Or God just hates you today, in which case I send sympathy hugs.

hazelkee 0

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:05

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Friday 2 July 2010 19:07

Did you have a sneeze attack?! This seems highly unlikely unless you are one of those people that sneeze like there is a demon coming out of their nose. Otherwise, the universe just wanted to stick it to you.