Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops...

By Alice - 27/5/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

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Work

Deep-seated resentment

Tense

Workaholic

By Diana - 13/8/2010 01:06 - United States

Today, I was showing my three year-old that going down the deck steps are perfectly safe. At the top, I tripped on my shoe and fell head first down every step. I now have five stitches and a three year old who won't go anywhere near the deck. FML

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By ReboundGrl - 23/5/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

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By Jaxur05 - 28/2/2012 13:27 - United States

Today, I get to stand in the unemployment line for the second time in a year because my company can't pay me. My parents own the company. FML

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By Laurita - 18/8/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

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By grossedout - 8/9/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

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By hurricane0331 - 24/6/2010 01:51 - United States

Today, a 75 year old lady drove into me. Her excuse was, "I wasn't looking." Awesome. FML

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By anon - 22/2/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

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By Username - 27/8/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

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By -1 Pair of Pants - 30/5/2016 19:49 - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

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By why me? - 6/9/2014 04:25 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 01:13 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

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By mel - 25/3/2016 13:20 - United States - Smithville

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

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By pinkrazrgirl247 - 3/7/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

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By laxguy23 - 21/4/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I got a email from my boss. He said he was going to have to let me go for missing so much work over the last week. I was laid off two months ago. I don't know what is more depressing, getting fired from a job twice or the fact it took two months for them to notice I wasn't there anymore. FML

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By NeverEscaping - 3/2/2013 00:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

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By FML - 10/9/2017 16:00

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

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By Bilirubin - 20/2/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

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By SailorVenus93 - 20/3/2020 06:00

Be reasonable, people

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

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By burrrito_ - 4/11/2016 00:39 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML

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By Username - 10/8/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

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By thankssiren - 24/5/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Sandiacre

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

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By Anon - 9/2/2016 12:39 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got into a car accident. The other driver was going so fast that when we hit, our cars positioned themselves to make it look like it was all my fault. He keeps blaming me for everything and the position of the cars doesn't help. FML

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By Abrams52 - 28/5/2013 05:44 - United States - Fishers

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

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By onemoreruinedthing - 24/1/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2014 11:46 - United States - Gaffney

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

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By xkellybabyyx - 25/11/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

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By I love my furry babies - 18/5/2019 16:09

Today, I got a hamster against my wife's will. I can't wait until she wakes up and I have to tell her it's loose in the house. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

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By InDisbelief - 12/4/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

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By okaykk - 5/9/2018 13:00

Thanks babe...

Today, after having hardly any sleep the whole weekend, I was woken up at 3:30 am by the sound of running water. I opened my eyes to find my fiancé peeing in my favorite water bottle. FML

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By redhanded - 28/5/2011 09:24 - United States

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

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By pokeOww - 13/9/2019 22:00

Dash!

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

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By OfficeFatty - 30/10/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2019 00:00

Today, I was fired from my babysitting job because the baby’s first word was my name. Well, I’m sorry, but if you ask me to look after your child 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and by the time you pick them up they’re already asleep, of course they’re going to know my name better than yours. FML

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By deargodthepain - 2/2/2014 16:53 - United States

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

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By DangerousDriver - 3/7/2017 22:10

Today, while delivering for a building supply company, I was sent to an incorrect address. I attempted to turn around and got the 24-foot truck stuck in the mud. The homeowner left for work and then called the cops, saying someone was trespassing on his property. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2014 04:16 - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

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By elmangy - 11/8/2009 16:58 - United States

Today, I went ice skating for my friend's birthday. We had to vacate the skating rink so that they could smooth out the rink for the next session. I don't know how to skate and my friends left me. Not only was I the last one out of the rink, but I had to crawl my way out with everyone laughing. FML

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By Thefaller - 11/7/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

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By neednewdeoderant - 14/12/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

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Top comments

By redbluegreen | 40

#2573135 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:04

The guy really needs to concentrate on more important things than juice.

By shadow33456 | 1

#2573109 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:00

haha wow what a idiot

COMMENTS

By shadow33456 | 1

#2573109 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:00

haha wow what a idiot

BREADEDELF | 3

#2573126 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:02

what *an* idiot

IHATETROLLSS | 0

#2573205 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:19

get off his nuts grammar nazi

Juliaa15 | 6

#2573220 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

babyyappld | 7

#2573254 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:29

bitches be crazy

edteach | 0

#2573458 - Friday 27 May 2011 13:30

wouldn't that be a ph of 7.1 and above?

swimchica22 | 0

#2573725 - Friday 27 May 2011 15:12

28-does it really matter.......

notsocrazee | 0

#2573767 - Friday 27 May 2011 15:29

28-that is7.1 or less actually.

and I agree with #1, guy's stupid:P

YacL | 15

#2573771 - Friday 27 May 2011 15:32

He sounds a little more insane to me. A little more than most people anyway...

shaneac | 0

#2574088 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:17

#1, you creeper! I love Minecraft, it's so addicting.

AlterrOnmi | 0

#2574139 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:54

28- pH7.1? I sure that water or something..now if he gave him lemon juice that a pH of 2.2

herrobear | 0

#2574578 - Friday 27 May 2011 20:04

28, acids are ph under 7....7.1 is probably water. Above 7 is more basic.

franniedottp | 8

#2575972 - Saturday 28 May 2011 1:16

why are we arguing about pH levels?

SeaNDouble | 1

#2576548 - Saturday 28 May 2011 3:01

no 6.9 and below is acidic... 7.1 and up is basic

alisa162 | 0

#2576909 - Saturday 28 May 2011 4:28

Haha why the fluck are you guys talking about acids and stuff?! O.o

swimchica22 | 0

#2576995 - Saturday 28 May 2011 4:46

why does everyone have to try and be such smart asses.....

monkeebalz | 0

#2577220 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:36

shut up

JawneeG | 0

#2577245 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:41

-7- By the nine.... You are right

joblessalex | 0

#2577607 - Saturday 28 May 2011 6:21

7.1 is basic I'm sure. Maybe you are thinking of 6.9?

zuzupetalsYO | 11

#2646957 - Thursday 9 June 2011 8:48

I think this FML is fake

bldouglas | 0

#3318215 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 21:49

cuz they deal with ph balances to grow their goods. and since they smoke their goods they like to argue about it on internet lol. nothin wrong with that

By ThatFatGuyBehind | 3

#2573118 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:01

Wow that's quite the heavy fail right there

GreenMaze | 0

#2574146 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:59

did you gave him some base to neutralized the acid.

Alex94xela | 0

#2574171 - Friday 27 May 2011 18:12

give him a cup of detergent to neutralize the acid enjoy xd

phatdaddy62 | 23

#2574626 - Friday 27 May 2011 20:13

Baking Soda.

superguppy19 | 3

#2574959 - Friday 27 May 2011 21:28

give not gave

By redbluegreen | 40

#2573135 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:04

The guy really needs to concentrate on more important things than juice.

jennifer93 | 0

#2573179 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:12

Teehee. concentrate. juice. hehe

xalerion | 0

#2573185 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:13

maybe he didn't want to concentrate as much as the juice

fleh | 0

#2574079 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:12

good observation #7

FruitSalad4225 | 0

#2574303 - Friday 27 May 2011 19:14

ICWUDT

By 808Boyo | 4

#2573158 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:08

hahaha Im picturing a really gay guy sitting in a corner complaining..."you messed up my fucking juice!"

Juliaa15 | 6

#2573229 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:23

What does his sexuality have to do with anything?

Mean_Mr_Mustard | 9

#2573385 - Friday 27 May 2011 13:06

He could being using gay as in dumb, not homosexual. Could be, I am not saying he is though.

cbnano12 | 0

#2573456 - Friday 27 May 2011 13:29

it's worse if he's using gay as dumb

By jennifer93 | 0

#2573191 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:14

haha can you imagine the talk at that police station that day? cops must get the weirdest call ins

DesB | 7

#2576750 - Saturday 28 May 2011 3:49

I heard of this lady calling the cops because McDonalds ran out of French fries!!! she ended up going to jail lol people call for the stupidest things now a days

By qasimahsan93 | 4

#2573193 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:14

At which point you called the cops because he was harassing you out of pure spite? :P

By seenyou | 3

#2573209 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:19

wow , major over reaction . that's just annoying

nerdfighteria | 7

#2969541 - Monday 25 July 2011 5:53

It's just the kind of annoying over-reaction that belongs on notalwaysright. OP, you should post it there.

By rattusrattus | 18

#2573233 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:24

*prays that this guy never becomes President/Prime Minister/Head Honcho etc.*

I would not want to live in this guy's perception of reality, where the police arrest people for excessively acidic juice.