Work: Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops...

By Alice - 27/05/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 389

You deserved it 3 175

Work

Or does he?

Scarcity

Little shit

By Stupid Drunk - 22/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 038

You deserved it 49 433

By lovingsnow - 27/02/2010 07:37 - Singapore

Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 187

You deserved it 2 772

By AlphaKappa - 12/07/2018 19:00

Today, my work is doing a legal investigation about whether they can avoid paying me maternity benefit. According to my sleazy boss, "You notified us too late." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 908

You deserved it 270

By homedoggieo - 14/07/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 753

You deserved it 4 017

Sike

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 23:02

Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 65

Alexa, play "Glad to be Unhappy" by The Mamas & The Papas

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 05:02

Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 449

By Username - 20/07/2010 04:57 - France

Today, I had the rehearsal for two of my friends' wedding. My ex-husband is also in the wedding, and I just found out we have to walk down the aisle together 'for height reasons'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 714

You deserved it 3 858

By fatcat - 05/09/2018 16:30 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 220

By Hellosinglelife - 28/03/2013 22:35 - Trinidad and Tobago - Diego Martin

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 031

You deserved it 3 642

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 382

You deserved it 3 744

By Why Me - 12/08/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 2 859

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 08:46 - Malaysia

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 501

You deserved it 5 830

By kyle - 05/06/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 821

You deserved it 3 691

By stampslife - 28/11/2014 08:00 - Canada - Agassiz

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 3 130

By frankfukhergood - 09/07/2009 05:49 - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 998

You deserved it 3 332

By Inod - 07/07/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 953

You deserved it 32 290

Miscommunication

By kay-z - 21/06/2014 20:32 - United States

Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 837

You deserved it 3 991

By :( - 27/07/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 42 232

By Adam - 16/03/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 270

You deserved it 5 155

By Queen_of_Night - 27/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 307

You deserved it 6 551

By JSeth - 04/07/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 601

You deserved it 10 126

By Anonymous - 09/03/2014 19:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was on the subway, when the girl opposite me suddenly started shouting and accusing me of photographing her. I was reading a book on my phone, and I showed her the screen, but I got shoved around anyway by another guy, who threatened to report me for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 038

You deserved it 3 261

By Spongebob Garypants - 26/05/2016 02:05 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I went into my kitchen after placing a line of salt across the floor in front of the back door the night before to ward off slugs that keep getting in, only to find 12 idiotic slugs dead and shrivelled up, leaving a horrible gooey mess. I don't know why I expected any intelligence from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 191

You deserved it 2 057

Hint hint

By Lika1712 - 26/08/2014 22:55 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 934

You deserved it 4 639

By AzrielB - 18/10/2018 15:30

Today, my friend, who had begged me to buy them a plane ticket after being stranded overseas, blocked me. They didn't even use the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 471

By Oops - 25/02/2017 00:00 - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 665

You deserved it 1 448

By etgohome - 26/08/2013 00:10 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 127

You deserved it 3 618

By Noname - 29/10/2011 11:02 - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 2 406

By 2k16 - 17/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 769

You deserved it 1 667

By Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 677

You deserved it 17 578

By gunnar - 20/09/2018 17:30

Today, my family and I went to Olive Garden. Due to my autism, I sometimes have a nervous tic, which presented itself while I was looking at the menu. I would have appreciated it if my mom hadn't then screamed at me to stop in front of the entire restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 522

You deserved it 626

By Cùchulainn - 10/01/2009 03:23 - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 996

You deserved it 9 483

Redecorating

By Anonymous - 07/06/2013 17:12 - United Kingdom - Amersham

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved into my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 963

You deserved it 12 323

By "taelor14" - 08/11/2017 01:30

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 332

You deserved it 297

By Cano951 - 16/12/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by a pizza delivery man. I didn't have the cash to pay him for a pizza I didn't even order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 2 594

By steve-o - 14/02/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 815

You deserved it 4 165

Road angst

By Fishypickles - 21/09/2021 10:59

Today, my anxiety and depression were so bad that when I went to the post office and failed three times to parallel park, I promptly burst into tears, apologized, and drove off when a very nice lady offered to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 136

By Marcus - 20/01/2019 18:00

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 264

You deserved it 878

By are you kidding me - 22/07/2017 20:03

Today, I learned the venue owner and producer for the musical I'm in is under criminal investigation. What for? Three separate sexual assault incidents and putting cameras in our dressing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 522

You deserved it 297

By anonymous - 13/03/2016 19:53 - United States - Marysville

Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 898

You deserved it 2 393

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Top comments

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:04

The guy really needs to concentrate on more important things than juice.

shadow33456 1

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:00

haha wow what a idiot

shadow33456 1

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:00

haha wow what a idiot

BREADEDELF 3

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:02

what *an* idiot

IHATETROLLSS 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:19

get off his nuts grammar nazi

Juliaa15 6

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

babyyappld 7

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:29

bitches be crazy

edteach 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 13:30

wouldn't that be a ph of 7.1 and above?

swimchica22 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 15:12

28-does it really matter.......

notsocrazee 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 15:29

28-that is7.1 or less actually. and I agree with #1, guy's stupid:P

YacL 15

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Friday 27 May 2011 15:32

He sounds a little more insane to me. A little more than most people anyway...

shaneac 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 17:17

#1, you creeper! I love Minecraft, it's so addicting.

AlterrOnmi 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 17:54

28- pH7.1? I sure that water or something..now if he gave him lemon juice that a pH of 2.2

herrobear 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 20:04

28, acids are ph under 7....7.1 is probably water. Above 7 is more basic.

franniedottp 8

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Saturday 28 May 2011 1:16

why are we arguing about pH levels?

SeaNDouble 1

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Saturday 28 May 2011 3:01

no 6.9 and below is acidic... 7.1 and up is basic

alisa162 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 4:28

Haha why the fluck are you guys talking about acids and stuff?! O.o

swimchica22 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 4:46

why does everyone have to try and be such smart asses.....

monkeebalz 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 5:36

shut up

JawneeG 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 5:41

-7- By the nine.... You are right

joblessalex 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 6:21

7.1 is basic I'm sure. Maybe you are thinking of 6.9?

zuzupetalsYO 11

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Thursday 9 June 2011 8:48

I think this FML is fake

bldouglas 0

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 21:49

cuz they deal with ph balances to grow their goods. and since they smoke their goods they like to argue about it on internet lol. nothin wrong with that

ThatFatGuyBehind 3

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:01

Wow that's quite the heavy fail right there

GreenMaze 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 17:59

did you gave him some base to neutralized the acid.

Alex94xela 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 18:12

give him a cup of detergent to neutralize the acid enjoy xd

phatdaddy62 23

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Friday 27 May 2011 20:13

Baking Soda.

superguppy19 3

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Friday 27 May 2011 21:28

give not gave

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:04

The guy really needs to concentrate on more important things than juice.

jennifer93 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:12

Teehee. concentrate. juice. hehe

xalerion 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:13

maybe he didn't want to concentrate as much as the juice

fleh 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 17:12

good observation #7

FruitSalad4225 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 19:14

ICWUDT

808Boyo 4

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:08

hahaha Im picturing a really gay guy sitting in a corner complaining..."you messed up my fucking juice!"

Juliaa15 6

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:23

What does his sexuality have to do with anything?

Mean_Mr_Mustard 9

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Friday 27 May 2011 13:06

He could being using gay as in dumb, not homosexual. Could be, I am not saying he is though.

cbnano12 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 13:29

it's worse if he's using gay as dumb

jennifer93 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:14

haha can you imagine the talk at that police station that day? cops must get the weirdest call ins

DesB 7

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Saturday 28 May 2011 3:49

I heard of this lady calling the cops because McDonalds ran out of French fries!!! she ended up going to jail lol people call for the stupidest things now a days

qasimahsan93 4

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:14

At which point you called the cops because he was harassing you out of pure spite? :P

seenyou 3

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:19

wow , major over reaction . that's just annoying

nerdfighteria 7

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Monday 25 July 2011 5:53

It's just the kind of annoying over-reaction that belongs on notalwaysright. OP, you should post it there.

rattusrattus 18

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Friday 27 May 2011 12:24

*prays that this guy never becomes President/Prime Minister/Head Honcho etc.* I would not want to live in this guy's perception of reality, where the police arrest people for excessively acidic juice.