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Today, I woke up to all 4 of my wheels stolen from my car. The thieves were kind enough to leave the car resting on wooden blocks and bricks. FML

by JennieA / 12/26/2010 at 6:36pm / Transportation

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

by Shodan2112 / 02/18/2011 at 10:25am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

by nerderer / 04/30/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

by First Kiss / 12/07/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was walking through school when I noticed an advertisement for school picture retakes. It read, "Bad hair day?" Underneath was my picture. That's my normal hair. FML

by TheLemonMan / 10/15/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, somewhat annoyed: "Dont drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

by Buzz / 11/29/2008 at 11:11am / Work

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2011 at 11:29pm / United States / Work

Today, a old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37 year old man. FML

by Mondo / 11/19/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

by LoLWut?? nd Why?? / 04/16/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Money

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

by holly / 07/18/2010 at 10:18am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

by nycol / 02/17/2012 at 9:13am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of hardcore training, free of injuries, I pinched a nerve in my neck while putting on a swimsuit to lie in the sun doing nothing. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2015 at 2:11pm / United States / Health

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

by koletatlow19 / 03/05/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work