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Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

#1495
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20752) - you deserved it (2471)

On 01/17/2009 at 7:40pm - love - by sad sack. - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML

#20881196
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20753) - you deserved it (49906)

On 09/14/2013 at 4:47pm - love - by 181999 - United States (Vermont)

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

#20114767
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20750) - you deserved it (2261)

On 10/13/2012 at 9:38am - misc - by pinkfreak94 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

#18458451
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20751) - you deserved it (4050)

On 12/08/2011 at 2:30am - work - by dulllife - United States (Texas)

Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML

#19529513
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20748) - you deserved it (2042)

On 04/25/2012 at 9:27pm - health - by MissMae93 (woman) - United States

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

#8506785
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20747) - you deserved it (3298)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:19am - intimacy - by horny21 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

#569980
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20747) - you deserved it (54746)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by nessacadesa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while cleaning my car, I found my mother's underwear in the backseat. She'd borrowed my car last weekend because hers had been in the shop and she'd been called in to work. I see she put in for overtime. FML

#9001773
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20743) - you deserved it (1826)

On 03/11/2010 at 6:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

#19030539
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20743) - you deserved it (9334)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

#20894041
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20738) - you deserved it (2039)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

#2388
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20738) - you deserved it (1970)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by sigh - United States (New York)

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

#7619521
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20737) - you deserved it (7680)

On 01/27/2010 at 7:27pm - health - by fuuuuck (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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