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Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2011 at 2:19am / Korea Republic of (Ulsan-gwangyoksi) / Love

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

by ice cream dude / 08/10/2012 at 9:58am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

by mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn / 09/03/2012 at 4:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

by me / 12/19/2010 at 9:26pm / Bulgaria / Miscellaneous

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

by Flooded / 01/07/2010 at 1:38pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

by thepigeonsfriend / 05/07/2012 at 10:08am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

by Owen / 11/07/2012 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

by izaya / 07/05/2015 at 12:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of two months and I are in completely different points in our lives. She ambushed me with ideas of having kids, getting married and being together forever. Currently, my biggest concern is passing the tenth grade. FML

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous