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Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

#17958269
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (2364)

On 10/11/2011 at 5:43am - work - by Anony-moose (woman) - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my older brother thought it would be funny to change the language on my phone to Serbo-Croatian. I don't know how and can't change it back. FML

#18014210
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23714) - you deserved it (3883)

On 10/18/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaleesadavis21 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23714) - you deserved it (9362)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML

#21461256
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (2051)

On 08/27/2015 at 6:56am - health - by jack - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, a customer called the Chinese restaurant where I work and complained about her takeout order not including donuts. After informing her that we don't have them, she started to curse at me while citing the website as proof. She thought wontons were synonymous with donuts. FML

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

#19363731
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23712) - you deserved it (4611)

On 03/28/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by 3hoursleftofwork (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

#17545368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23710) - you deserved it (3170)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:44am - misc - by No Action Fighter - United States (California)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23710) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

#4050970
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23709) - you deserved it (69989)

On 07/26/2009 at 9:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23706) - you deserved it (6339)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

#7564302
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23704) - you deserved it (3350)

On 01/25/2010 at 4:32am - misc - by notworthy (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

#21462016
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23704) - you deserved it (1659)

On 08/29/2015 at 4:50am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

#17583731
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23702) - you deserved it (3193)

On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)



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