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Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

by nodad / 10/11/2011 at 12:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

by ouch / 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

by mazzer / 01/03/2012 at 9:04pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2015 at 10:21pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

by holly / 07/18/2010 at 10:18am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

by fisted / 06/12/2015 at 9:42am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

by somefamily / 04/26/2012 at 3:11am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

by fuckingbeliebers / 08/04/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML

by scared for life / 01/29/2012 at 11:23am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

by nycol / 02/17/2012 at 9:13am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2013 at 3:25pm / Thailand (Nonthaburi) / Geek

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

by lobstercola / 11/24/2012 at 11:35am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous