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Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

#17087035
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21125) - you deserved it (13927)

On 07/12/2011 at 11:13pm - animals - by MooCow - United States (Montana)

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

#18933385
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21124) - you deserved it (3351)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

#13390544
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21122) - you deserved it (5288)

On 10/10/2010 at 8:47am - kids - by hairyarms (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was woken up by a call from "the Nuisance Call Prevention Registry". The lady on the telephone didn't see the irony. FML

#19405538
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21120) - you deserved it (1918)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:58am - misc - by Telemarket (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

#7351489
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (7803)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:25am - love - by beriles (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancé played Rockband drums from the bathroom while taking a crap. He actually managed to properly hit notes. FML

#17690581
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (3871)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

#19415832
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (2157)

On 04/06/2012 at 2:15am - work - by akasha (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

#18402920
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21117) - you deserved it (5260)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Hot Pants (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

#6987202
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21116) - you deserved it (3016)

On 12/28/2009 at 2:30am - animals - by dumbdad (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

#13152875
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21116) - you deserved it (2143)

On 09/22/2010 at 2:56am - work - by innuendom - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21112) - you deserved it (5689)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21112) - you deserved it (32884)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

#19201903
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21112) - you deserved it (3168)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)



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