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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Femme - 16/02/2012 16:41 - Russia

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very much, young man.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 61

Hopeless

By Anonymous - 02/11/2023 22:00

Today, as my stalker was finally led away in handcuffs, my auntie asked if maybe I was being a bit harsh having him arrested, and maybe I should give him a second chance because he seemed like "a sweet man", and "it’s not like I have any other men lining up to date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 103

Choose your path to happiness

By Anonymous - 03/02/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our daughter got in a fight with her dad because she isn’t sure if marrying her boyfriend will make her happy. Her dad then said, "Well which do you want, to be happy or to be married? Because you can’t have both." We’ve been married for 32 years so it hurt hearing him say that. It hurt a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 163

Breaking

By Kev - 23/08/2023 06:00 - Ireland

Today, I was giving a presentation when my voice cracked like a teenage boy going through puberty. The audience giggled every time it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 80

Jack-in-the-box

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 249

Sewing project

By peppergirl - 30/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 2 445

Zero stars on Yelp

By Anonymous - 07/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had to put my 12 year-old dog down because he had dementia. I was told I got to lay on the floor with him, and say when I was ready. The vet brought my dog out on a stretcher, had the vet tech put him in a choke-hold, and administered the drugs before I could speak. Now, I have PTSD and she has to undergo sensitivity training. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 130

Blurry time?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2023 16:00

Today, I opened my new contact lenses for the first time in a month and accidentally dropped one, only to watch it disappear helplessly down the drain. Give a name to the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 172

Is everything OK?

By Spooky - 22/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I found myself daydreaming about being a skeleton. Why? Because skeletons don't have skin, so they don't develop giant pimples in inconvenient places that make you unable to move without discomfort. In this case, on the back of my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 107

Anger management

By limeiscool - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, about to fall asleep, a bug started buzzing behind the screen to my window. Losing my sanity, I punched the screen, forgetting all about the glass. I now have a cracked window and one still annoying bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 2 408

Pro gamer move

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 07:04 - France

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 274

Let me down gently

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 08:00 - South Africa

Today, two days after I auctioned for a choir and they'd told me to come back and reaudition two days later, I returned to reaudition… only to be informed that they weren't holding auditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 121

Slip up

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 18:00

Today, I had pest guys over, so I asked if I should put my cat away. They asked if he was crazy, and I usually call him a "nut job" or a "handful" but instead of one of those, I said, "He's a handjob" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 235

Proud parent

By Anonymous - 20/02/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a letter from a “judge” declaring me mentally unfit and ordering me to transfer my house and money into my son’s name. It had 8 spelling mistakes. My son really will do anything to avoid getting a job. I’m kicking him out when he turns 30 in 2 weeks. Enough is enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 174

Don't you want me baby?

By Ugh - 05/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 186

That sucks

By Mike55 - 05/10/2023 21:30

Today, I set out to clean the house while my wife was at work. Starting with the vacuum cleaner, it suddenly started making a strange noise and emitting a burning smell. Panicking, I unplugged it and noticed one of our toddler's socks had been sucked into it, causing it to overheat. I managed to extract the sock, but now our expensive vacuum cleaner is toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 208

Leave us alone

By Ghabbie - 10/10/2025 15:00

Today, a lady tried to call the cops on me and "child services" because she thought I'd kidnapped my white son. I'm African-American and I'd adopted him. I even showed her the adoption decree, but according to her, "You can't fool me, it's AI-generated! I know how you people work!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 66

You tried

By thomas - 02/07/2024 04:00 - Australia - Ringwood

Today, a woman came through my drive-thru and ordered a latte, but the bank had closed off her cards and she was short 30 cents in cash. I felt bad, so I paid for her. When I went home, I told my dad what I did, thinking he'd be proud of how he raised me but no, he said I'd wasted my money, and made me feel bad about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 134

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 302

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 02:00

Today, I was told by Amazon that a belt I had ordered was arriving. I grabbed an Amazon package out of the mailbox without even checking who the package was addressed to. I now have an awkward apology ahead of me for opening my stepbrother's box of condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 1 705

Marital bliss

By Anonymous - 04/11/2024 23:00 - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, my wife admitted she's upset with me because she can see I'm unhappy in our marriage. We've been married for over two months and we still haven't had penetrative sex because she's scared of the pain. I cook and care for the house alone (I work remotely), I make 6 times as much money as her, but she's mad I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 201

TW: Abuse

By Anonymous - 17/05/2024 23:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, months after my dad's death, my mother keeps telling me she "realized" how abusive he was, and how she wished she knew, but she swears innocence when I tell her she was just as abusive and enabled it all while he was alive, even being in the same room and doing nothing while he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 94

Go long

By Ungrateful - 04/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum because I asked him to put away the leftovers from dinner. Yeah, because I guess me going to the grocery store, then preparing and serving the food AFTER working a 10 hour day wasn’t enough. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 132

Fight Club

By Back to youtube - 23/10/2023 22:00

Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 280

Always do the work in TextEdit first!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2023 05:00 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I wrote an entire 400 multiple question paper, only for the internet to reconnect at the end, getting the entire paper getting reset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 138

Panic

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 11:00 - United States - Palacios

Today, I'm a bookkeeper for a small company next to the ocean. It’s usually just me in the office, except when the owners stop by unannounced. I take #2s discreetly so they dont walk in on me. Today I couldn’t get my #2 to flush and didnt have a plunger, so I scooped it into a pitcher, ran outside, and threw it in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 301

Go home

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 10:00

Today, I saw my dad naked. How? He came into the room I was staying in, drunk. I'm gonna need a whole lot of therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 97

Irritable

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 00:00

Today, as I have lately, I’ve been feeling like my boss finds any excuse to be upset with me and tell me how I’m doing wrong, when most times it’s just so stupid there’s really no point in it. For reference, I work in long term care. I messaged her and she got upset with me because she saw my name pop up and overreacted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 98

By jevoulaisfaireserieux - 27/05/2014 01:21 - Republic of Ecuador - Bah

Today, I’m on vacation in Ecuador in a small youth hostel. My Skype interview for a prestigious marketing Masters would have been perfect if a hippie hadn’t come near me to play the ukulele while smoking a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 111

Run for your life!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I was in a hurry to pull out all the fence posts around our horse meadow, because the new owner is suddenly kicking us out. As if that wasn’t bad enough, some ground wasps were living at the base of one of those fence posts. No, they were not amused when I started wiggling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 129

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 1 165

Today, I've finally gathered the courage to tell someone I have schizophrenia. My ex-friends found about it and decided to make fun of me for it by saying that "maybe I have an attention seeking disorder too" and spreading it among our peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 571

You deserved it 268

Today, I tried to be productive and got dressed in real clothes instead of sweatpants. I spent the next four hours on the couch binge-watching Netflix and pretending I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 400

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 1 016

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 707

You deserved it 41 791

Today, it's been three weeks since I’ve seen my kids. My ex just decided that I was a safety concern after we had 50/50 for almost two years. Now I just gotta wait until I can see a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 212