The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

You never know

By Saraaah - 19/12/2020 02:01

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 22:16 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, my coworker and I were discussing our office's lack of break room, and how we should suggest a picnic table for our upcoming landscaping. We concluded that someone would let their dog steal our lunches if we ate outside. Working at the vet's sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 256

Company ink

By DoubleCrossed - 21/08/2021 18:01

Today, my boyfriend, who is also my coworker, broke up with me. I agreed to stay professional and civil with him during our work hours. However, he decided to report me for "sexual harassment" and "stalking." He showed them the "evidence." I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 177

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 08:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my mother woke up again in a bad mood due to the quarantine and went off on how us siblings complain about each other all the time. Truth is, she's the one complaining non stop about whichever sibling is not in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 119

By trippy - 24/06/2019 20:01

Today, my mom tripped over a curb and cried, because she “tripped and not even drunk.” I thought it was normal to trip over my own two feet several times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 239

Classically Abby

By shesanexnow - 19/08/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 220

It's political correctness gone mad!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2022 03:30

Today, my wife threatened to leave me for "bodyshaming" our daughter by giving her a bicycle for her birthday. I bought her a bike because she's been asking for one for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 108

Fake News

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 23:01

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 02:00

Today, I learned something new. I knew that ripening apples release some kind of gas that affects other fruit. But I learned that apparently, it can also affect living plants. Meaning that if you keep a windfall of apples in the same room as a potted rose, the rose will die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 246

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 06:04

Today, I told my toddler to put the cat down, so he did. On my leg. I guess I should have been more specific. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 294

Breeders

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 14:00

Today, my mom is threatening to disinherit me because I won’t have a baby. I have three siblings who between them have seven kids for her to obsess over, yet she calls at least once a week and always tries to convince me to get pregnant. Fuck off mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 138

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 17:01

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 560

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 18:00

Today, I did the whole 'rose petals, takeaway Chinese, favourite wine, and movie' thing. As soon as my wife got home, she said, “Great, now I have to sweep up rose petals, I’m not in the mood for Chinese, I was saving that wine, and I watched that movie last week.” I officially give up even trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 293

Chud's Diner

By Frany - 10/01/2023 22:00

Today, my now-ex boyfriend treated our waitress like shit. She was a young lady who just came from Venezuela and barely spoke English. He gave her no tip, ranted about “fixing this goddamn border problem” along with xenophobic slurs. Apparently, he’d forgotten I’m an immigrant too, from Colombia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 170

Guilty as charged

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 12:00

Today, my boss asked me to help train his son, so I put him to work cleaning tools covered in oil. He didn’t warn me his son has a violent temper, and would overreact at being asked to work for a living by dumping the bucket of tools on my head, breaking my glasses and concussing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 88

Productivity above all else

By Anonymous - 12/12/2022 15:00

Today, our company not only installed standing desks, they have literally just spent a week replacing all our toilets, they are bizarre as hell with a seat that angles downwards. I looked them up online, they’re designed to cause pain in your legs to stop you sitting there too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 134

Bye bye love, hello loneliness

By Lonley Lesbian - 17/06/2020 02:02

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out. Also today, she changed her Facebook status to "In a relationship." I'm so damn lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 324

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 185

The Nerve!

By Mike - 17/09/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 253

No sleep for the wicked

By NightzGremlin - 12/09/2020 14:01

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 107

How could you?

By I hate my life - 25/06/2023 18:00

Today, I found out my ex-fiance and the girl he cheated on me with are expecting. It’s bad enough he jilted me at the altar four months ago, but the fact that they’re naming their son the same name I wanted to name my miscarried son pours lemon juice in the wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 143

Waste of a phone call

By amIworthIt? - 01/07/2021 04:01 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I called the suicide hotline after two months of recurring thoughts. I got put on hold by their machine, then was on call with someone who barely spoke English, got transferred to another building, so I was put on hold again, and finally got hung up on. I was already feeling pretty worthless, so thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 128

Good job

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 17:01

Today, I paid a hooker for a handjob, not because I was horny but because I’m single with no friends or relatives, and still working from home. It’s been so long since I’ve had human contact outside of work emails, it was nice to be able to talk to a human being for a few minutes in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 373

Horny housewives in your area

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 02:00 - Belgium

Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 484

He goes to a different school

By Anonymous - 15/12/2022 18:00

Today, at work during lunch, a bunch of the girls were talking about their husbands and boyfriends and sex stuff. I unfortunately got involved and basically made shit up and lied my ass off because no way would they believe I’m a virgin at 37, who last had a boyfriend in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 501

Judgmental

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 11:01

Today, I just had an argument with my father. He claimed that if a woman is covered in tattoos, it's quite clear that she's a whore. He said so in front of my girlfriend, who has tattoos all over her arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 202

Shut-in for the win

By Laura - 14/03/2022 06:36 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, a woman tried to break into my home, assaulted my housemate and carer, because our nasty neighbour is spreading rumors that we are reporting the whole street to the council. We are both shut-ins, we don't know anyone, all cause we own dogs but they sleep a lot due to ill health, so WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 201

Laura-Marie Catmom tells us more.

Laura-Marie Catmom 8

Monday 14 March 2022 6:22

Op here we did report her but the police are useless.

Quiet night in

By 2 time momma - 23/01/2021 22:58 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, as a stressed NHS nurse, I tried to take a relaxing bath, except I dropped my book in the water, my candle set my hair on fire, I slipped getting out and may have broken my finger. The noise woke up my two kids, so I had to start their bedtime routine over again, and I got bath salt crystals in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 229

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 12:00

Today, after 6 years not wanting kids, my wife suddenly wants them with a desperation I’ve only seen in the drug addicts I work with wanting their fix. I still don’t want children, so now we just don’t have sex because I can’t trust her to take her contraceptives, or somehow tamper with my condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 278

Welcome to the family

By this is why I drink! - 27/12/2021 22:59

Today, I reluctantly agreed to bring my boyfriend home to meet my family. He said he wasn’t easily scared and could handle a “weird” family. Two hours later, there was a massive brawl when one uncle hit the other’s wife after she threw wine in his face. Tables were flipped, cops were called. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 155

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Proposal Birds My ex Family Miscellaneous Fight Relatable Parents Racism Social Media Annoying Healthy Lifestyle Horses Animals Weird Poopoo peepee Football Sports LGBTQIA+ First Dates Money Kids Smells Work Gross Disappointment Flooding Art NSFW

The Top

Today, I heard a conversation between my mom and dad. I’m an only child but my mom is 5 months pregnant. My dad was saying, “Don’t worry, this one’s going to be alright.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 56

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 7 415

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 600

You deserved it 18 365

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 226

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 192

Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 167