By Anonymous Today, I told my toddler to put the cat down, so he did. On my leg. I guess I should have been more specific. FML I agree, your life sucks 1322 You deserved it 264 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thomas - United States - Portsmouth Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML I agree, your life sucks 50314 You deserved it 7579 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mr. machine - United States Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1272 You deserved it 616 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML I agree, your life sucks 29578 You deserved it 2094 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jimmyt420 - United States Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML I agree, your life sucks 30494 You deserved it 16055 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stinkypants - India Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 30696 You deserved it 11806 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WakeUpToADream - United States - San Francisco Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML I agree, your life sucks 26186 You deserved it 1959 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fatman - United States Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML I agree, your life sucks 31599 You deserved it 11483 218 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 32942 You deserved it 12415 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kurochrome - United States Not this again Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML I agree, your life sucks 35038 You deserved it 3505 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mareecasellafml - Australia - Belrose Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML I agree, your life sucks 32283 You deserved it 4207 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML I agree, your life sucks 50514 You deserved it 2502 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML I agree, your life sucks 54302 You deserved it 3066 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By awkward. - United States Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML I agree, your life sucks 57819 You deserved it 4603 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United States - Rocklin Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML I agree, your life sucks 30277 You deserved it 2709 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 1807 You deserved it 256 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ugh Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML I agree, your life sucks 2164 You deserved it 2816 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pissed - United States Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML I agree, your life sucks 48031 You deserved it 6985 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Scott - United States Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML I agree, your life sucks 37190 You deserved it 6375 292 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lilshoobydoo14 - United States Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML I agree, your life sucks 32318 You deserved it 4312 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 54843 You deserved it 11389 226 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By womanoski - United States - Fishers Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML I agree, your life sucks 22385 You deserved it 1452 29 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By quarantine hell Quid pro quo Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1784 You deserved it 229 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SAM - United States Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML I agree, your life sucks 3139 You deserved it 307 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UnicornPancake Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML I agree, your life sucks 3414 You deserved it 409 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML I agree, your life sucks 27578 You deserved it 18810 317 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WhyMe Today, at work, a customer was staring at me for a long time. Hoping to break the awkwardness, I asked him what brought him to the store today. He complimented me on my friendly demeanor and then followed up with: "Since you're so friendly, how about coming in the bathroom with me and giving me a hand?" FML I agree, your life sucks 6090 You deserved it 349 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nico711 Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2305 You deserved it 181 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By retard99 - Canada Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML I agree, your life sucks 10294 You deserved it 53076 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wife of a shithead - Norway - Oslo Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML I agree, your life sucks 47238 You deserved it 4738 352 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML I agree, your life sucks 5407 You deserved it 419 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 23:01 Classic Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 2457 You deserved it 301 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sigh - Singapore - Singapore Lovely parents Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML I agree, your life sucks 2196 You deserved it 167 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By layout - United States Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML I agree, your life sucks 63780 You deserved it 4046 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AdoKitty - United States - Redlands Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML I agree, your life sucks 28950 You deserved it 2259 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By desperategurl - United States - Phoenix Today, I was so desperate for any kind of male romantic attention that I googled "prison pen pals", and I'm considering writing to one. FML I agree, your life sucks 12492 You deserved it 24811 220 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wasntme - Netherlands Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML I agree, your life sucks 67442 You deserved it 7426 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - New York Today, I caught my half-sister stealing money from her mother's purse. Rather than risk getting in trouble, she told her uber-conservative mother that I've been seeing a girl. So now, I'm grounded for being gay, and she gets off the hook for stealing because she outed me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2050 You deserved it 186 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, while I was at the gym, I saw a guy walk into the girls locker room. I was walking nearby so I said, "Hey man, that's the wrong one." Turns out it was just a very masculine-looking woman, with a very masculine haircut. FML I agree, your life sucks 6739 You deserved it 2225 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Peelates Yoga to watch out Today, I prepared to do my early morning yoga, lowered myself on to the mat then felt a wet patch on my stomach. Turns out my roommate's cat had taken a piss on my orange mat and I'd been too tired to notice. FML I agree, your life sucks 4830 You deserved it 645 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mike - 11/11/2020 03:58 - United Kingdom Living my best life Today, I just turned 40 and have gone teetotal, had no birthday party due to having burned all my bridges with friends and the community in my 20s, and now me and my cat are both scratching non-stop because my apartment seems to have an infestation of dust mites. FML I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 789 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Charlie Given | 23 #7804941 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 6:14 Ya ya live n learn and have afew dozen cat scratch scars for being 🐈 owners 😻 Send a private message 1 2 Reply
By Amanda Jaworski | 23 #7805022 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 12:00 Ugh cat scratches are the worst! This gives me the heebie jeebies just looking at it! Ouch! Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By Charlie Given | 23 #7804941 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 6:14 Ya ya live n learn and have afew dozen cat scratch scars for being 🐈 owners 😻 Send a private message 1 2 Reply
By bubbat101 | 36 #7804971 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 7:55 I'm sorry to say this, but your toddler is a dick. Hope he learns his lesson. Send a private message 0 7 Reply
By Amanda Jaworski | 23 #7805022 - Wednesday 22 May 2019 12:00 Ugh cat scratches are the worst! This gives me the heebie jeebies just looking at it! Ouch! Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By SimplyAStudent | 11 #7805354 - Thursday 23 May 2019 13:01 I'm glad the cat didn't scratch your toddler Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML I agree, your life sucks 57 You deserved it 5 0 Comments
Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked... I agree, your life sucks 721 You deserved it 132 5 Comments