By Blue_belle

Observational Comedy 101

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1272

You deserved it

284

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

And today, on Dr Phil…

Always ask for documentation

By Timmah - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51175

You deserved it

15739

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By Ohdear - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1564

You deserved it

559

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By anonymous - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53294

You deserved it

6824

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52276

You deserved it

5658

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45319

You deserved it

6755

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12985

You deserved it

40648

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By mylifeeee - United States

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66979

You deserved it

5679

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 13:32 - India - Vijayawada

Dreams Never End

Today, I finally convinced my mother to allow me pursue my dream job after months of begging. I logged in to the college's website to register for the course and found that the final seat had been filled in today and I need to wait one more year for admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1233

You deserved it

235

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By anonymous - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61696

You deserved it

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By Anna - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8742

You deserved it

51514

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By Alex White - Canada - Westerose

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'. The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22379

Phew, glad it wasn't me

4728

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By Anonymous - United States - Goodyear

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74212

You deserved it

6374

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By pinkrazrgirl247 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13393

You deserved it

52085

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By Iamfurios

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks

8443

You deserved it

687

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By chocochoco - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34884

You deserved it

17820

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By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14557

You deserved it

1005

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By emsbuffalo - United States

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26120

You deserved it

3087

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By Noname - United States

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74856

You deserved it

5357

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By lucas_urev - United States - Cold Spring Harbor

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36657

You deserved it

7090

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By panicelement - United States - Carbondale

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38586

You deserved it

5181

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By kippis05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24271

You deserved it

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By WhiteLiar - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36141

You deserved it

2708

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16819

You deserved it

47124

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By John - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30036

You deserved it

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By mylifesuckssss - United States

Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31853

You deserved it

5908

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By dumbass

Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4583

You deserved it

2237

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27411

You deserved it

4056

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By Anonymous - United States - Cranford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26224

You deserved it

3087

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By courtnayy - United States

Today, I got proposed to. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and we have 2 kids. It was perfect, except it was my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50547

You deserved it

5972

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 08:08

Like what you see?

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

700

You deserved it

1394

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By shattysituation - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43260

You deserved it

4021

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By Crash - United States

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10102

You deserved it

60954

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By Fat Dad - United States

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56555

You deserved it

43645

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By Goatkvlt - France

Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25655

You deserved it

5864

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By Text - United States

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36131

You deserved it

8343

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By BurnedByAWaiter

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41041

You deserved it

8258

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By badsister - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14114

You deserved it

59306

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By Ciara - Ireland - Cork

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10214

You deserved it

34975

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By Morrowindwhore - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25745

You deserved it

67492

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Phantom pooper

Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

590

You deserved it

356

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Top comments

By chyiochan | 30

#7852396 - Saturday 19 October 2019 14:50

I'd have laughed it off even if my kid was a teen! And then still worn it! Your kids know who you are. lol

By ajh1800 | 25

#7852322 - Saturday 19 October 2019 5:52

How old is your son? If he's under the age of 5, laugh it off. They're more likely compare you to things they're familiar with. If he's old enough to know that it would possibly come off as rude, then start acting like an evil minion 🤷🏽‍♀️

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7852322 - Saturday 19 October 2019 5:52

chyiochan | 30

#7852396 - Saturday 19 October 2019 14:50

I'd have laughed it off even if my kid was a teen! And then still worn it! Your kids know who you are. lol

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7852783 - Monday 21 October 2019 3:44

Or a female Waluigi?