By Blue_belle

Observational Comedy 101

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

288

Favorite

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Call the cops

By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42136

You deserved it

16277

Favorite

By anon - United States - Bullhead City

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60333

You deserved it

36601

Favorite

By smiler - United Kingdom

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28473

You deserved it

5642

Favorite

By dumbasdogshit - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36670

You deserved it

2533

Favorite

By poururheartout

Nice.

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3187

You deserved it

360

Favorite

By Son - United States

Today, after an hour-long conversation with my mom that was supposed to help fix our relationship, she said she prefers Beatrice over me and that she's moving in with her. Beatrice is not my sister, she's my older cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2548

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By abby181 - United States

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34028

You deserved it

3487

Favorite

By firewait - Canada

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16509

You deserved it

79968

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42362

You deserved it

4203

Favorite

By Ribonuke211 - 12/8/2020 02:02

Territorial pissings

Today, I was menaced by a shirtless crackhead with an aluminum bat for, "parking in the wrong parking lot" - not parking spot, parking LOT - while delivering pizza to one of many nearby apartment buildings. I'm not allowed to carry a weapon to defend myself, unless I wanna shell out $75 for a Mag flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1279

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1401

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By that guy - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41792

You deserved it

3137

Favorite

By oceangirl - United States

Get back here!

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30078

You deserved it

2442

Favorite

By Frozen - United States

Today, the heater went out at work. I was shivering so hard that someone thought I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43508

You deserved it

4058

Favorite

By please don't get the succ - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9552

You deserved it

640

Favorite

By LonelyAF

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2372

You deserved it

4222

Favorite

By Fireguy92 - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44234

You deserved it

2559

Favorite

By farmvillefail - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31840

You deserved it

4344

Favorite

By MikeMorin18 - United States

Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11274

You deserved it

34915

Favorite

By Rrae

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2129

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By TheoBuckner - United States

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29839

You deserved it

2279

Favorite

By PCJJacket - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52100

You deserved it

26031

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Omaha

Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21151

You deserved it

1948

Favorite

By ugh, why - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28786

You deserved it

2972

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 08:01

Unfortunate

Today, I was eatings a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

795

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2070

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By metalmeow

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

184

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50303

You deserved it

13488

Favorite

By WasZumTeufel? - Germany - Kabel

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36449

You deserved it

3906

Favorite

By lexiibabe - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2032

You deserved it

134

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21997

You deserved it

3497

Favorite

By not drunk - 21/7/2020 08:01

And I oop

Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

220

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met a girl who was just as socially anxious as me. We spent the whole night staring at each other, then quickly looking away when the other person saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18683

You deserved it

2639

Favorite

By kenabrookee - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43894

You deserved it

14698

Favorite

By figgy - United States

Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30187

You deserved it

6071

Favorite

By titillating - United States

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29809

You deserved it

4516

Favorite

By GoneLimp - United States - Havelock

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8088

You deserved it

1399

Favorite

By Nuttjacob - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14303

You deserved it

41436

Favorite

By pancakessdsjsn - United States - Lake Forest

Today, while cleaning tables at the fast food place where I work, I had to remove two human teeth from a table top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42372

You deserved it

3093

Favorite

By Flavorite - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41490

You deserved it

2823

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Seeya55 | 31

#7852396 - Saturday 19 October 2019 14:50

I'd have laughed it off even if my kid was a teen! And then still worn it! Your kids know who you are. lol

By ajh1800 | 25

#7852322 - Saturday 19 October 2019 5:52

How old is your son? If he's under the age of 5, laugh it off. They're more likely compare you to things they're familiar with. If he's old enough to know that it would possibly come off as rude, then start acting like an evil minion 🤷🏽‍♀️

COMMENTS

By ajh1800 | 25

#7852322 - Saturday 19 October 2019 5:52

Seeya55 | 31

#7852396 - Saturday 19 October 2019 14:50

I'd have laughed it off even if my kid was a teen! And then still worn it! Your kids know who you are. lol

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7852783 - Monday 21 October 2019 3:44

Or a female Waluigi?