Animals and Insects: Hidden - FML

Hidden

By fml9124 - 20/09/2019 14:00

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 176

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Same thing different taste

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 464

Winds of change

By sting - 03/06/2017 04:00

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 072

You deserved it 736

By NotSpiderman - 31/10/2012 17:09 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 698

You deserved it 4 620

By lexii - 05/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 742

You deserved it 30 887

By mutantprincess - 12/01/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 644

You deserved it 5 505

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 636

By MozillaHostile - 09/10/2015 18:54 - Canada

Today, I saw my cat attacking a suitcase under my bed for apparently no reason. I laughed and picked it up to show him that there was nothing there, only to find a huge wasp hiding under it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22 922

You deserved it 2 682

Those things freak me out

By Gilly - 02/09/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cooking dinner when I noticed a cockroach on the kitchen counter. I reflexively tried to spray it with what I had to hand, which was window cleaner, but it seems to have pissed it off and flew right at me instead. I screamed and ran out of the kitchen, leaving the roach in charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 477

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 3 358

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 324

You deserved it 7 652

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 20 September 2019 16:30

You're lucky your kitten didn't get rocked like a hurricane!

jbuckets_404 38

Saturday 21 September 2019 2:04

Kitty wasn't wrong, now was it? ;-)

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 20 September 2019 16:30

You're lucky your kitten didn't get rocked like a hurricane!

BurnInDemonFire 34

Friday 20 September 2019 16:55

That only happens in Germany.

jbuckets_404 38

Saturday 21 September 2019 2:04

Kitty wasn't wrong, now was it? ;-)

skippydoda 32

Saturday 21 September 2019 3:26

Just burn your house down

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I spent an entire hour talking to someone at a party. I was feeling a real connection, only to find out halfway through the conversation that she wasn’t actually a guest, she was the caterer who just happened to be really nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 192

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 981

You deserved it 10 418

The Top

Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 748

You deserved it 4 676

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 940

You deserved it 6 692

Today, I meant to surprise my boyfriend by baking him a cake. When I took it out of the oven, I realized I had accidentally used salt instead of sugar. He tried to eat it anyway, and ended up spitting chunks of it out all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 737

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 306

You deserved it 3 932

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 129

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 190

You deserved it 4 344