The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Man spitting truth bombs over here

By Robert - 19/11/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my cat had died overnight at the vet's. She died alone in the dark, in a cage. Meanwhile, Donald Trump, an old, narcissistic, overweight sack of shit, survived COVID with millions of tax payer dollars in healthcare. I'd rather my cat had been the one to live; at least she made life nicer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 1 055

Innocence project

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01

Today, my son-in-law slapped my daughter, so I put him in an armhold and threw him outside. My daughter refused to press charges so he got away, but then he pressed charges against me for hitting his head against the wall when I threw him, so I got arrested instead. Justice is a shitting joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 209

Black Lives Matter

By jack1057 - 14/07/2020 05:01

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 328

So you had a bad date…

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, I got a wax to be sexy for my date, but the whole area came up in this nasty rash with bumps and white spots, nasty as hell. When I told him sex was off the table for a few days, he stopped being charming, spent most of the night on his phone then left early with a bad excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 301

Time's up

By f u doc - 30/09/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I had two different doctor's appointments with different specialists at the same hospital. Doctor #1 kept me waiting so long doctor #2 refused to see me. I tried to explain I was in the building and why I was late, but he wouldn’t hear it. I’d already waited 4 months for these appointments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 140

Acceptance

By Anonymous - 08/06/2020 05:04

Today, I can't look my roommate in the eye because he walked in on me showing my drag friends my new dress on Discord last night. My roommate is really conservative. We used to get along so well too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 466

Expanding universe

By JessicaandGhazi - 26/05/2020 20:00

Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me, "What's the point in doing that when you're getting so fat, those won't even fit in 2 weeks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 371

Coming up short

By MaximB - 15/07/2020 14:02

Today, some babe finally super-liked me on Tinder, but didn't want to continue the chat after finding out I'm shorter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 361

Betrayed

By Whaaaaaaa - 02/03/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, my mom had a fit and confessed that my grandfather is also my father. Apparently, I was the product of a rape and she further confessed that she was going to abort me but chose not to, and she regrets her decision. What caused this conversation? Me watching the season 4 of "You" without telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 179

Smelly Thrones

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 20:00

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 275

Lemon party

By Anonymous - 19/06/2023 22:00 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Spicy

Today, I helped my father upload his photos to iCloud because he was running out of storage on his phone. First thing I saw on his camera roll is a video of him sucking two guys off. He’s been married to my mom for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 178

The Crying Game

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 12:00

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 255

By Graham Watson - 01/07/2019 16:00

Today, I'm currently in hospital with a painful and swollen Achille's heel problem. I was dreaming of running down stairs. I then tripped on one, and as I whacked my foot on the stairs in my dream, I also raised my foot and whacked it on the end of the hospital bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 202

The best laid plans…

By A drunk walks into a bar and says NO SEX TONIGHT - 22/07/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, while trying to spice up our marriage, we decided to get a hotel room and roleplay as strangers who meet in a bar and have a one night stand. By the time I got there, he was engrossed in the football and on the beer. He didn't notice me arrive and when he did, he was too drunk to get the roleplay right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 315

Sex addict

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 02:01 - United States - Trenton

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 610

Out of the frying pan

By TimeWasted - 22/09/2020 20:04 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, after I got hired on at a new job with perfect hours and pay, worked my two-week notice at my old job, now one week into new job, they let me go because they’re overstaffed and I’m the newest hire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 204

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 538

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 00:01

Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 182

First step

By It_gets_better - 16/07/2021 08:11

Today, I finally got my first job offer in my desired career field at the city animal shelter. I have a bachelor's degree in Animal Science, two minors, and I graduated with honors. The job I was offered? Cleaning kennels, part-time, on weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 330

It_gets_better tells us more.

It_gets_better 19

Thursday 15 July 2021 4:40

OP here. I realize no matter where I go I'd start at an entry-level job; but even most entry level jobs that require a degree would pay the bills for my family. My biggest disappointment is that I was only offered a barely above minimum wage, part-time job, after a three-month application process. I spent hours watching recorded meetings and looking over the shelter's statistics and brainstorming improvements to present at my interview (because I applied for an entry-level desk job) so it felt like a slap in the face to spend so much time and energy on this only to be hit with, as kfchicken correctly pointed out, a job any able-bodied person could do- and only part time! (I know they had full time positions available, so I'm wracking my brain about who could possibly have been chosen over me.)

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 16:02

Today, I got married to the love of my life, with whom I've been with for 5 years. It's also one of the 3 times a year where he's got so drunk that, instead of puking in the bed like last time, he puked all over the side of my car while I was driving us home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 365

Hypocrite move

By ayeyieyie - 26/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 142

By boop snoop - 01/09/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 129

To the window, to the wall

By Kim - 17/07/2020 23:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 437

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

By Sodapop40 - 21/06/2020 05:05

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 130

Big Brother

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was accused of "spying too much" on what my coworkers are writing about Covid-19 on the news site I work for. I'm one of the supervisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 177

At risk

By coius - 21/07/2020 05:01

Today, after being on steroids to suppress my immune system, I found out it causes pulmonary embolisms. If I stop taking my steroids, my body will try to kill me, but if I take the steroids, the meds will try to kill me. I’m only 35 and was fit before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 170

Gratitude walks

By funnywoe - 19/07/2020 20:01

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 190

Butterfingers

By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 09/05/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 364

No thanks

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I like if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He replied that he doesn't like their food. I think that's a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 343

Time to ditch

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 19:58 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Spicy

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 182

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Money Kids Smells Work Gross Art NSFW Intimacy Embarrassing Cars Tests Transportation Music Coworkers Health Vacation Airport Miscellaneous Funerals Awkward Birthday Furniture Toys Love Frustration Sex Parents Argument Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 21 153

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 966

You deserved it 3 899

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 683

You deserved it 16 306

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 230

You deserved it 599

Today, while heartbroken, I reached out to an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He responded to my, “Hello” with, “You need to lift the veil from your eyes. Q is leaving breadcrumbs so Donald can take down the zionist deep state that’s feeding us babies in our Big Macs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 239

Today, my sister attempted to get me to fund her daughter, my godchild's, birthday party. I told her I would give her 200 (which isn't much). Our mom "intervened" by cussing me out for being a cheap ass piece of shit. I was about to give her $200, which is A LOT in our currency when exchanged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 123