Acceptance - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 49

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 27

Acceptance

By Anonymous - 08/06/2020 05:04

Today, I can't look my roommate in the eye because he walked in on me showing my drag friends my new dress on Discord last night. My roommate is really conservative. We used to get along so well too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 388

Right place, wrong person

Morning conversation

Slot machine addicts

03/05/2009 11:06

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 756

You deserved it 60 872

03/12/2010 00:47

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 288

You deserved it 4 362

29/03/2014 23:06

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 701

You deserved it 3 377

23/09/2009 06:47

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 289

You deserved it 15 636

Not interested

By Wrenda Witt - 15/06/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, it has officially been two and half months since I've had sex. I've done everything imaginable to entice him, but my boyfriend doesn't seem bothered at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 269

25/06/2011 06:02

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 670

You deserved it 18 550

Erm, thanks, I guess

By HeatedHeat - 29/03/2021 11:00

Today, I went to a store to buy a 43-inch TV that was on sale. The sale was so good that they sold out on the floor. I went to guest services and asked the employee if they had any in the back. She literally went to the back of the room, let out this god awful fart, came back out and said, “Sorry, we don’t.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 332

30/07/2013 14:13

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 342

You deserved it 25 883

05/06/2011 06:48

Spicy

Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 654

You deserved it 8 818

Not such a happy ending

By JustJared - 15/09/2021 05:00

Today, I get to see my best friend and love of my life of two years marry the man she loves. Back then, I lied and told her I was gay to avoid her finding out my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 1 770

24/03/2009 05:47

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 705

You deserved it 9 133

20/02/2009 09:24

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 303

You deserved it 3 631

19/11/2010 21:20

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 6 995

03/07/2009 20:09

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 035

You deserved it 9 035

Disinterested

By lily - 13/09/2020 14:01

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 313

01/11/2013 23:55

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 871

You deserved it 56 114

27/01/2009 02:18

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 361

You deserved it 2 134

13/05/2010 23:31

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 667

You deserved it 47 333

22/01/2012 02:18

Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 052

You deserved it 3 843

01/07/2014 04:26

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 564

You deserved it 4 529

25/06/2010 19:42

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 408

You deserved it 4 775

10/11/2009 05:24

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work: I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 796

You deserved it 53 750

03/04/2009 18:40

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 928

You deserved it 4 830

09/06/2017 12:00

Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 439

You deserved it 2 068

10/12/2011 00:23

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 651

You deserved it 2 600

03/01/2015 01:46

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 599

You deserved it 2 473

09/02/2010 15:43

Today, I returned home to my girlfriend after being away for 6 weeks of work. I decided to take a shower and change before having a nice dinner with her. Without looking I grabbed a random pair of jeans from my closet to put on. They were Levis. I don't own or wear any Levis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 573

You deserved it 2 953

02/02/2009 09:29

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 206

You deserved it 3 292

17/12/2013 23:48

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 239

You deserved it 3 813

03/08/2010 12:11

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 031

You deserved it 4 708

10/03/2009 18:52

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 92 057

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 283

26/03/2016 02:14

Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 846

You deserved it 3 544

25/05/2011 14:33

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 36 922

23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 436

You deserved it 955

14/01/2009 14:30

Today, I finished part of a project. When I asked my coworkers what they thought, they said they liked one of the few things that had already been implemented almost a year ago. Thanks for noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 860

You deserved it 2 252

24/06/2014 15:04

Today, I was screamed at by a lady for riding my bike too slowly in front of her car. I was in the bike lane, and so was she. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 393

You deserved it 4 521

14/10/2009 15:19

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 934

You deserved it 3 734

Feeders

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me, after he intentionally made me fat so that I wouldn't leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 869

24/05/2009 09:49

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 899

You deserved it 159 038

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 8 June 2020 5:39

Get out while you can! Things are going to get uglier and uglier until November, and then it might break out into civil war.

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Monday 8 June 2020 16:35

Hate to break it to all the hate mongers, but you’ll probably still get along just fine

Comments

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Monday 8 June 2020 5:17

What a....drag.

Charlie Given 24

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Monday 8 June 2020 5:18

conservative also known as a closed minded asshat 🤣😂

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 8 June 2020 5:39

Get out while you can! Things are going to get uglier and uglier until November, and then it might break out into civil war.

Yolanda Patrice Evans 17

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Monday 8 June 2020 23:14

I usually ignore your comments but you’re pretty spot on with this one lol

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Monday 8 June 2020 15:14

It’s good that you were civil, but is it worth not getting to be who you truly are? I hope he learns to accept you or you’re able to find a new roommate who will.

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Monday 8 June 2020 16:35

Hate to break it to all the hate mongers, but you’ll probably still get along just fine

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Monday 8 June 2020 18:14

If ur that worried and want to fix it I'd lie and say u preordered it for Halloween n it came early. They will most likely believe u if u havent shown any signs of this b4 :) or maybe now that they kno u could talk it out?

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Monday 8 June 2020 19:05

How about not assuming that he cares. Most conservative people don’t care about you being LGBT or what ever

GoogieWithers 22

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Monday 8 June 2020 20:28

You should be able to be who you are in your own home without judgement. Roommate walked in on you in your room, remember? Try to talk to them and see what happens.

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Monday 8 June 2020 21:57

Who just enters their roommates room without knocking? I’m sorry, that sucks

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Tuesday 9 June 2020 0:01

dont worry about it! he still your friend😊