By jack1057 - 14/7/2020 05:01

Black Lives Matter

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

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Everyone's an expert

This is us

Countdown

By SonOfACatKiller - United States - Juno

Alas, poor Tiddles

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

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2463

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115

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By tech_support - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

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39198

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 10:07

Tell, don't show

Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

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463

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2020 21:10

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

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1258

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

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41290

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By Anonymous

Today, the gas company had to be called into work for a possible gas leak. The pipes are fine. I had White Castle for dinner last night. I'm the gas leak. FML

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3744

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By knee2tak - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

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73699

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By Leo_RxXx - United States

Today, I was getting off of work, talking to my boss and I asked if I could get a ride home, since my usual ride was too lazy to come get me. He said, sure, but to be really careful since he just had his car detailed. I was getting in the car, tripped and threw my hot cocoa all inside of his car. FML

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By IwishIwashigh

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

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3478

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, desperate for work, I went into a shop and asked the owner if he had any spare jobs to fill. He looked me up and down and sneered "Yes, but not for people like... you." FML

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By NightHawk4926 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

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By why? - United States - Hackensack

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

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30885

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By BSwan - Australia

Today, a frog made my hot tub his new home. I can't stand frogs and he moves lightening fast. I think the only way to get rid of him is to turn the heat on and boil him. Which I would do if my daughter didn't already adore him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Deatsville

Today, I have really painful pimples on my upper lip. I'm a professional trombonist, and every note causes excruciating pain. FML

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42407

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By CaptainSosuke - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

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25805

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By doilookold

Today, stopping at a rest plaza, the cashier at Wendy’s asked my best friend if I was her mom. We are only two years apart. FML

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2470

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201

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By B-ran - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

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8738

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I came home after a long day at work, and decided to tidy up a bit before finally settling down to relax. I went to take the garbage out, when the bag split and out fell the trash along with hundreds of tiny red ants. FML

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41031

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By wallflower - United States

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

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By Telemarket - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by a call from "the Nuisance Call Prevention Registry". The lady on the telephone didn't see the irony. FML

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25386

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By KillMeNow - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

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9756

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By Anon - United States

Today, I messaged my sister on Facebook chat. We always start our conversations with "HEY SLUT" or "HEY WHORE" etc. It wasn't my sister. However, her boyfriend's mom has a great first impression of me. FML

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11028

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By aprouddaddy - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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41691

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By Lootz - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

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76183

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

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By anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML

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37908

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By Sorry - Canada

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

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25674

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By XRayXLopez1 - United States - Dallas

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

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12374

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By Anonymous - United States - Muskegon

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

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31229

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6692

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By mymidlifecrisis - United States - Valley Village

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

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13838

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By Insanity - France - La Poste

Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31049

You deserved it

7677

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By Squid - Canada - Parksville

Today, my older boyfriend and I went shopping together. When we arrived at the till, the cashier looked at me and asked, "Is this your pop?" I replied "No, this is my boyfriend, but we get that a lot." She paused, pointed at the case of Coke in the cart and said again, "Is this your pop?" FML

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6541

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By 23yearoldtoddler - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

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26478

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By oldmama728

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

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33274

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36866

You deserved it

4095

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By shield1123 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40212

You deserved it

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By StrawHatBill - United States

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

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32182

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By sucky sucky - 7/7/2020 14:01

Oh, hai Mark

Today, my crush, who’s notorious for only dating skinny girls, walked out of the break room. I turned to my friend and joked, “I may not be skinny, but I can suck a jawbreaker through a boba straw!” Turns out he came back because he forgot his phone. He most definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

657

You deserved it

1530

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my dad what his plans for Friday were. Apparently, he's going to a concert with my step-mom all evening. It's been their plan for months. Friday is my birthday. That's been set since the day I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37125

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7020

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By MissKitty

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

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4929

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Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7921930 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:50

Ummm, tapping one on the shoulder and asking them to move?

By ojoRojo | 23

#7922046 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:39

Now imagine feeling held back like that all the time

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7921929 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:47

You should have stayed and protested with them and become "woke."

Although I don't know how the Bureau of Land Management figures into this.

By MidnaLink | 32

#7921930 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:50

Ummm, tapping one on the shoulder and asking them to move?

TinScarecrow | 15

#7921969 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 9:58

The whole point of a protest that blocks vehicles *is* the inconvienance. Asking them to please move would probably not have good results

Jillian Cosby-Kelly | 14

#7922084 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 20:06

....... do you understand what a protest is?

Yummi_913 | 13

#7922091 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 20:10

Asking them to move has unfortunately gotten people violently attacked. Whether asked nicely or not.

By ojoRojo | 23

#7922046 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:39

Now imagine feeling held back like that all the time

jerbear91 | 18

#7922126 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 21:38

comment winnn

samomaha | 17

#7922149 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 23:44

THIS COMMENT!

TinScarecrow | 15

#7922169 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:13

Exaggerate much? Nobody has people constantly literally standing in their face and chanting. It is not even close to a similar feeling

ojoRojo | 23

#7922248 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 10:04

TinScarecrow you’re right, the feeling of your people being oppressed for centuries is much, much worse.

bloopaloop | 27

#7922459 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 23:07

He never claimed to be oppressed.

It’s ok to not be oppressed, red eyes.

JillianJuneBug | 39

#7922481 - Thursday 16 July 2020 0:07

Nobody is that oppressed in America anymore. Give me a break.

ojoRojo | 23

#7922488 - Thursday 16 July 2020 0:55

Bloopaloop I know he didn’t say he’s oppressed, I’m saying that Black people are.

JillianJuneBug I’ll listen to BIPOC for their opinions on that.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7922176 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:48

The supposed cause is great, but it’s turned a competition of who hates the most.

TinScarecrow | 15

#7922270 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 11:03

It's that old "We're on the good side so EVERYTHING we do is justified" mentality. Every group with no self awareness has had this mentality at one point or another

By galvinizd | 7

#7922195 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 5:02

You don't have a problem with a marxist organization who want to Defund the Police, abolish the Constitution, and don't believe in the patriarchal family? Ya... FYL.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7923732 - Monday 20 July 2020 5:02

Run 'em over! 50 points each! :D Just kidding, but if they started damaging your car, that's probably considered vandalism in some way so you could call the cops then.