By jack1057

Black Lives Matter

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1492

You deserved it

267

Favorite

Walk the line

You tried

Another great day to be alive

By Jason Brazil

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1636

You deserved it

366

Favorite

By Bawsack - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8599

You deserved it

1316

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27045

You deserved it

9169

Favorite

By littlefella - United States - Novato

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7104

You deserved it

815

Favorite

By JadeDemolition - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had my driver's permit in an envelope to keep it safe and a letter to mail out. I drove away from the post office with the letter in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19626

You deserved it

8738

Favorite

By Anonymous - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12538

You deserved it

33594

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5886

You deserved it

715

Favorite

By newdriver - United States

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80361

You deserved it

5596

Favorite

By notworthit - United States

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28673

You deserved it

4641

Favorite

By Notyourstepmom - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59366

You deserved it

4450

Favorite

By why?? - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12503

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1346

Favorite

By Upbrakie - United States

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23550

You deserved it

3351

Favorite

By ryan - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24333

You deserved it

6773

Favorite

By Ricky - United States

Today, I was home alone and I started to sing Halo by Beyonce. I was starting to get into it and began singing with more passion until the phone rang. It was my neighbor begging me to please shut the hell up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17379

You deserved it

42733

Favorite

By Passive ass aggressor - 8/4/2021 02:00

Cranky

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

332

You deserved it

4071

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64427

You deserved it

25374

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36343

You deserved it

5923

Favorite

By Not-so-sexy - United States

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25229

You deserved it

6812

Favorite

By justgreat - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48942

You deserved it

3389

Favorite

By ninaaaa - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36729

You deserved it

4003

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Beaumont

Feelings

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66441

You deserved it

9751

Favorite

By FUCKKKS - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36833

You deserved it

6056

Favorite

By helosthisshit - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34831

You deserved it

4316

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32952

You deserved it

2257

Favorite

By Egtat216 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, whilst tuning my guitar, one of the steel strings snapped and hit me in the face. Now I'm on my way to my first date with the girl of my dreams, and I'm wearing an eye patch and have a thick red line across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15322

You deserved it

1455

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommates fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13031

You deserved it

1126

Favorite

By PunchingKennyLoggins - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29295

You deserved it

2474

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43560

You deserved it

14282

Favorite

By hannieannie

Psychopath's joke

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2875

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By Redhead

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4399

You deserved it

876

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2021 11:00 - United States - Arlington

Are you sure?

Today, I sent a picture of my two little nephews to my friends, who now keep telling me how my older nephew looks exactly like me. They’re starting to make awkward statements such as, “Are you sure you didn’t have sex with your sister in-law?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

824

You deserved it

Favorite

By Dat Stanky Mouf - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34183

You deserved it

3586

Favorite

By fair lady - 3/6/2021 04:01

Poor kid

Today, I watched as my four-year-old niece accidentally knocked over her mom’s wine. She was clearly upset about it, and her mother screaming at her didn’t help. Later, she asked her mom if she still loved her, to which she replied, "I don’t believe in second chances." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1055

You deserved it

Favorite

By daughterinlaw - United States - La Plata

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63346

You deserved it

4306

Favorite

By nofriends - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48667

You deserved it

8255

Favorite

By Anonyme - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28084

You deserved it

7707

Favorite

By crub - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61218

You deserved it

2309

Favorite

By notsolucky - Canada

Today, I woke up at 11:11am. I was happy because I thought it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12916

You deserved it

31214

Favorite

By Namnack - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11834

You deserved it

32462

Favorite

By katrina2d - United States - Vancouver

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17188

You deserved it

29537

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MidnaLink | 33

#7921930 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:50

Ummm, tapping one on the shoulder and asking them to move?

By ojoRojo | 27

#7922046 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:39

Now imagine feeling held back like that all the time

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7921929 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:47

You should have stayed and protested with them and become "woke."

Although I don't know how the Bureau of Land Management figures into this.

By MidnaLink | 33

#7921930 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:50

Ummm, tapping one on the shoulder and asking them to move?

TinScarecrow | 15

#7921969 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 9:58

The whole point of a protest that blocks vehicles *is* the inconvienance. Asking them to please move would probably not have good results

Jillian Cosby-Kelly | 15

#7922084 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 20:06

....... do you understand what a protest is?

Yummi_913 | 15

#7922091 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 20:10

Asking them to move has unfortunately gotten people violently attacked. Whether asked nicely or not.

By ojoRojo | 27

#7922046 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:39

Now imagine feeling held back like that all the time

jerbear91 | 18

#7922126 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 21:38

comment winnn

samomaha | 17

#7922149 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 23:44

THIS COMMENT!

TinScarecrow | 15

#7922169 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:13

Exaggerate much? Nobody has people constantly literally standing in their face and chanting. It is not even close to a similar feeling

ojoRojo | 27

#7922248 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 10:04

TinScarecrow you’re right, the feeling of your people being oppressed for centuries is much, much worse.

bloopaloop | 27

#7922459 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 23:07

He never claimed to be oppressed.

It’s ok to not be oppressed, red eyes.

JillianJuneBug | 39

#7922481 - Thursday 16 July 2020 0:07

Nobody is that oppressed in America anymore. Give me a break.

ojoRojo | 27

#7922488 - Thursday 16 July 2020 0:55

Bloopaloop I know he didn’t say he’s oppressed, I’m saying that Black people are.

JillianJuneBug I’ll listen to BIPOC for their opinions on that.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7922176 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:48

The supposed cause is great, but it’s turned a competition of who hates the most.

TinScarecrow | 15

#7922270 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 11:03

It's that old "We're on the good side so EVERYTHING we do is justified" mentality. Every group with no self awareness has had this mentality at one point or another

By galvinizd | 7

#7922195 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 5:02

You don't have a problem with a marxist organization who want to Defund the Police, abolish the Constitution, and don't believe in the patriarchal family? Ya... FYL.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7923732 - Monday 20 July 2020 5:02

Run 'em over! 50 points each! :D Just kidding, but if they started damaging your car, that's probably considered vandalism in some way so you could call the cops then.