By jack1057 - 14/7/2020 05:01

Black Lives Matter

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

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1472

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Family values

Taking stock

Incognito browsing

By NoRingForMe - United States - Stamford

Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML

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26794

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14004

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By dr.mantistobagon - United States - South Burlington

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

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40878

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3412

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By Hello Nurse - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

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29256

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1755

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31023

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By Bathroom Problems - France

Today, while at work I went to use the public restroom because I had a severe case of diarrhea. All went well until the timed sensor lights went off and I couldn't leave my stall to get them back on. I sat there for thirty minutes in pure darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27640

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By Prego my ego - France

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

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47960

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By Sadwife - United States - Pardeeville

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

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11048

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By Brenden - 25/1/2021 13:59

Sucker

Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s on her way to my friend's place to have her guts rearranged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

722

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564

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By boinger - United States

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

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21319

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By Not his SunShine anymore - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML

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12622

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2020 05:00

Afterthought

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML

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1845

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

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1202

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431

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By fuckyoutoo - Canada - Armstrong

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

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39195

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By Ldp56 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

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32935

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 23:10

Great guy

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1698

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331

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By DanteWest1000 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

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28865

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By Robert - 6/2/2021 14:00 - United States

Shitheads

Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

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912

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30523

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By Anonymous - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7822

You deserved it

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By jackgrant - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

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33283

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By Jessie - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1736

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276

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By Jake - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

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50858

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband, who has been in a coma for 5 weeks, woke up. When I went to visit him, the first thing he did was try and continue the argument we had been having before he crashed the car. FML

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23810

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By Ewwwwww - United States

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

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27648

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By hot sweet.... not - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48034

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By imeanreallytho - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21900

You deserved it

8828

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By not the scalpel - United States - Paso Robles

Weird

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

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30491

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By Anonymous - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12393

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31119

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By muddled - United States - Joliet

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

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23800

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5105

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45563

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

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84482

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By Anonymous

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37847

You deserved it

2210

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By pissedexworker - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34858

You deserved it

2400

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By shit

Today, I was in a public restroom trying to take a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1611

You deserved it

637

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By Kalaina - France

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37434

You deserved it

2505

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By Anonymous - United States - Antelope

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46667

You deserved it

4329

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By Anonymous - Germany - K?ln

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45014

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

You tried

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks

973

You deserved it

616

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34627

You deserved it

5831

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By spiderbaby - United States - San Francisco

Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML

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26422

You deserved it

2508

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Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7921930 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:50

Ummm, tapping one on the shoulder and asking them to move?

By ojoRojo | 27

#7922046 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:39

Now imagine feeling held back like that all the time

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7921929 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:47

You should have stayed and protested with them and become "woke."

Although I don't know how the Bureau of Land Management figures into this.

By MidnaLink | 32

#7921930 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 5:50

Ummm, tapping one on the shoulder and asking them to move?

TinScarecrow | 15

#7921969 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 9:58

The whole point of a protest that blocks vehicles *is* the inconvienance. Asking them to please move would probably not have good results

Jillian Cosby-Kelly | 15

#7922084 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 20:06

....... do you understand what a protest is?

Yummi_913 | 15

#7922091 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 20:10

Asking them to move has unfortunately gotten people violently attacked. Whether asked nicely or not.

By ojoRojo | 27

#7922046 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 16:39

Now imagine feeling held back like that all the time

jerbear91 | 18

#7922126 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 21:38

comment winnn

samomaha | 17

#7922149 - Tuesday 14 July 2020 23:44

THIS COMMENT!

TinScarecrow | 15

#7922169 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:13

Exaggerate much? Nobody has people constantly literally standing in their face and chanting. It is not even close to a similar feeling

ojoRojo | 27

#7922248 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 10:04

TinScarecrow you’re right, the feeling of your people being oppressed for centuries is much, much worse.

bloopaloop | 27

#7922459 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 23:07

He never claimed to be oppressed.

It’s ok to not be oppressed, red eyes.

JillianJuneBug | 39

#7922481 - Thursday 16 July 2020 0:07

Nobody is that oppressed in America anymore. Give me a break.

ojoRojo | 27

#7922488 - Thursday 16 July 2020 0:55

Bloopaloop I know he didn’t say he’s oppressed, I’m saying that Black people are.

JillianJuneBug I’ll listen to BIPOC for their opinions on that.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7922176 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 1:48

The supposed cause is great, but it’s turned a competition of who hates the most.

TinScarecrow | 15

#7922270 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 11:03

It's that old "We're on the good side so EVERYTHING we do is justified" mentality. Every group with no self awareness has had this mentality at one point or another

By galvinizd | 7

#7922195 - Wednesday 15 July 2020 5:02

You don't have a problem with a marxist organization who want to Defund the Police, abolish the Constitution, and don't believe in the patriarchal family? Ya... FYL.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7923732 - Monday 20 July 2020 5:02

Run 'em over! 50 points each! :D Just kidding, but if they started damaging your car, that's probably considered vandalism in some way so you could call the cops then.