By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks 55 067
You deserved it 13 812

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Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!

Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... fuck that shit.

Comments

waterynuggets 0

It probably wouldn't have been that great at first anyways

birds_fml 7

The first time is never great, nor perfect. My first time was okay, and that's really the best you can hope for. It doesn't get good till you've done it enough to be good at it.

Maybe OP meant "first time" with THIS boyfriend. Just saying. Though... he obviously had the anxiety thing going on, so at least one of them was a virgin ("Oh god my first girl" / "Oh god her first time") Also you should not pick flower petals directly off a growing flower. They WILL have ants. .... and who the hell actually plays a CD when making love? lol... I adore music and all but I dunno...

It's all about playing the Power Rangers theme song, followed by the Ninja Turtles and Pokemon theme songs.

waterynuggets 0

#27 I seriously doubt that if the OP was too dumb to make sure the CD still worked and to check roses she probably picked from right outside. Oh, and, wanting everything to be perfect, especially with -anyone- for the first time, despite if they're a virgin or not.

Hahaaha I LOVE THAT IDEA! *steals them* @28

agreed. haha sucks to have been the OP or the boyfriend. I think you probably both just expected so much out of it that it killed the desire.

you belong on MLIA not FML ;] @28.

Gavik 0

YDI for not giving it up on the first date.

hahaha #78! true story.

monicamischief 0

you deserve it for thinking the first time will be perfect. what is it with people building their first time having sex into some perfect big specticle. hell, i just wanted to get rid of my virginity and get it over with. :/ and you also deserve it for trying losing it to a guy that either gay or a virgin. or probably both. SEX ISN'T SPECIAL, KIDS.

#9 i was going to say the exact same thing

joy1523 0

i knew this post was by pimpin88 the instant i had to scroll down three times and still couldn't see the end of the post. that, and the fact that it again seemed to be written by a 15 year old with an inflated sense of his experience with the female sex.

americayay 0

Eh. First times are overrated. The most you can hope for is that it'll be with someone you love and it won't be too terribly awkward. Because sex is just plain awkward sometimes.

Xinabeth 0

Wait what? Why do you think she's blonde? And a child molester? What's wrong with wanting something to be perfect? She just wanted it to be special.

VoxEOD 0

i've done that, but it really only came into play at the dorm when i preferred to drown my gf out so you couldn't hear her in the hall

Actually, my mother said her first time was wonderful. Compared to other times, it was fairly pathetic. But as a first time, it was great. Point is, you can have a good first time too, sometimes.

you're an asshole . go jerk yourself .

VenusBlue 0

Haha the first time is never good.And the biggest mistake is that you tried to make it good,ahaha.

When you plan your first time its almost never good usually it just "happens" and it turns out awsome

blinkingstarlet 15

(in response to the power rangers theme song etc comment) #foreveralone lol

I'm into leather

YDI for not using an MP3 player.

dandymidori 0

I concur... that poor guy must have been SO nervous ):

I LOVE YOU!!! haha. best comment of the day =)

ydi 4 liking men

soo close to being first ): haha oh well

123sploosh 0

dont you hate that?

lol123mely 0

lol that sucks, but there is always other times :)!

Rose petals? Give me a fucking break, it's not American Beauty! Lol, allmidnighteyes, too slow :P

how did you know he pisted that if you posted before him

Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... fuck that shit.

Putting body glitter on her boyfriend would have killed any interest he'd have.

Captain0bv10us 0

Use glitter as lube. Haha. No? I'll go back to my cave now...

Whoa, too much planning for what should be a spontaneous and passionate affair.

i agree, you cant plan sex...it just doesnt happen that way lol

Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!

Ohh he may have choked, but we all know she's wishing that she could've been the one who choked ;D

Hush! We all know that in perfect little rose petal fantasies there is nothing as unsavoury as that *pfft* Everything will be perfect and they'll ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after....... won't they???

Rogue252xbl 0

RIDE! HAHA!

why didnt you dry hump him until he got it up then? or just not plan it? since nothings perfect.

Perfection is boring :)