Kids, Parenting, Sex and Relatable: Protips from Dad

Protips from Dad

By Anonymous - 08/01/2023 15:00

Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 1 254

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Same thing different taste

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 105

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 208

You deserved it 4 187

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 963

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 7 566

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 540

You deserved it 15 220

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 37 526

The struggle

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 186

Smash the Patriarchy

By Alfie4 - 05/03/2012 22:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horseshit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 10 775

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 263

You deserved it 25 002

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 168

lgrave 7

Sunday 8 January 2023 15:17

I hope you tell him about the most important bits: consent and protection

Anderling 32

Sunday 8 January 2023 15:55

I wonder if wife knows that if you *hadn’t* explained the practical bits she’d be a grandma-to-be by now

Comments

lgrave 7

Sunday 8 January 2023 15:17

I hope you tell him about the most important bits: consent and protection

Anderling 32

Sunday 8 January 2023 15:55

I wonder if wife knows that if you *hadn’t* explained the practical bits she’d be a grandma-to-be by now

poopface82 19

Sunday 8 January 2023 21:30

Maybe that’s what she wants - to force her son into marriage and parenthood so she can have GRANDBABIES!!!!!!!!!1111111111oneoneoneone

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 8 January 2023 16:21

I hope you didn't leave out that some of the bits must not be squishy. You may have forgotten that since we don't know if you've had sex since conceiving your son.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 8 January 2023 22:30

I'm wondering why he went to his mother for that in the first place. But I hope you threw protection into that lesson, because it's the most important part. And consent. Definitely consent.

amd21905 9

Tuesday 17 January 2023 21:25

I teach a health class in college. it is scarey how many 18-20 year olds do not know their own body much less the opposite sex. I have had 19 yr old male ask if it's true you can get a female pregnant with anal sex! I have had several ask if the female is still a virgin if she only has anal! I can go on and on. Point is parent's talk to your kid's about sex. About consenting to sex. About birth control being BOTH people's responsibility!!! It is truly sad how many of our future generation has no idea!