By Kim - 17/7/2020 23:01

To the window, to the wall

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

369

Favorite

Walk on the wild side

Not a cheating!

In-laws, in-fighting

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26833

You deserved it

7299

Favorite

By thanksbro - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32738

You deserved it

20502

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Riverside

Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument which resulted in her begging for a divorce and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32718

You deserved it

2447

Favorite

By prick - United States - Dover

Today, as I rung up a customer's groceries, he gave me a pitying look and said I'd have a "real job" if I'd only studied harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21853

You deserved it

2133

Favorite

By whatjusthappened - United States - Federal Way

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44046

You deserved it

4901

Favorite

By officework - Canada - Toronto

Today, during the "what can your manager do to help with your career aspirations" section of my annual review, my manager basically told me she wouldn't help me and I should quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22373

You deserved it

1645

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was in a huge traffic jam with my boyfriend due to heavy snowfall. After being in the car for 4 hours, we were stuck in a tunnel with hundreds of cars behind and in front of us. Then the diarrhea hit. I had to shit in a plastic bag in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5422

You deserved it

355

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Plainsboro

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43793

You deserved it

5930

Favorite

By Ali - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5422

You deserved it

850

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/8/2020 20:02

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks

832

You deserved it

2751

Favorite

By alphabetman - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45840

You deserved it

6751

Favorite

By richard - United States - Redmond

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38862

You deserved it

8004

Favorite

By effiestonem154 - United States

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40216

You deserved it

2794

Favorite

By artist - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36776

You deserved it

4501

Favorite

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19771

You deserved it

1681

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70210

You deserved it

4531

Favorite

By Animal_aide - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31918

You deserved it

2943

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35013

You deserved it

6424

Favorite

By in big trouble - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36338

You deserved it

25868

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28989

You deserved it

3109

Favorite

By RjsBabe - United States - Tulare

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancé is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12857

You deserved it

1174

Favorite

By nepotwatism @ its finest - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26464

You deserved it

1786

Favorite

By ImaSneakyNinja - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9666

You deserved it

743

Favorite

By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26227

You deserved it

5359

Favorite

By _Tatyana_ - United States - Gettysburg

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62236

You deserved it

3602

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy took me out on a date. His imaginary friends joined us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43165

You deserved it

3654

Favorite

By lawl - Canada

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40229

You deserved it

12069

Favorite

By kjdhfakjs - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41287

You deserved it

6664

Favorite

By aarone23 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72324

You deserved it

4042

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29601

You deserved it

1930

Favorite

By Swatted - United States - Sparks

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31153

You deserved it

2920

Favorite

By uterus why

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2094

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By Jo - United States

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33823

You deserved it

3044

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2006

You deserved it

511

Favorite

By noname - United States

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61215

You deserved it

8251

Favorite

By drummerboy - United States

Today, I practiced my drum playing in the garage instead of my room out of consideration for my neighbors. Guess the consideration wasn't mutual, because one of my neighbors just shot a hole in one of my drums with an air gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13097

You deserved it

2004

Favorite

By Sad_homeowners - United States - Pierre

Today, I'm still not living in the house I fought so hard to buy three months ago. As I was fixing a hole in the wall, I found black mold covering the back side of my drywall. On every wall. I can't afford to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12173

You deserved it

1405

Favorite

By 19collegestudentandpregant - United States - Loretto

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36616

You deserved it

7153

Favorite

By cockblocked - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14832

You deserved it

23798

Favorite

By AnDroidZ_BabY - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36332

You deserved it

3808

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7923072 - Saturday 18 July 2020 0:47

I'm sure your face and his cock and sweaty balls have come in contact before and not with a washcloth as an intermediary.

By spinspinsugar | 9

#7923069 - Saturday 18 July 2020 0:31

I mean you do suck his dick, don't you? lol

COMMENTS

By Jaymail | 17

#7923053 - Friday 17 July 2020 23:41

You deserved this. Is there a shortage of washcloths in your home? Why?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7923061 - Saturday 18 July 2020 0:05

Oh I bet you love the way it smells

By spinspinsugar | 9

#7923069 - Saturday 18 July 2020 0:31

I mean you do suck his dick, don't you? lol

By Adam Michael Valenzuela | 7

#7923070 - Saturday 18 July 2020 0:36

You picked him. YDI

By RichardPencil | 28

#7923072 - Saturday 18 July 2020 0:47

I'm sure your face and his cock and sweaty balls have come in contact before and not with a washcloth as an intermediary.

By Sady_Ct | 37

#7923166 - Saturday 18 July 2020 12:17

Don’t you ever wash that cloth both regularly and before you use it every time?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7923202 - Saturday 18 July 2020 14:50

And he can't teabag you directly because...?

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7923330 - Saturday 18 July 2020 22:51

why aren't you using a different one each time?

By Matthew Irmen | 11

#7923507 - Sunday 19 July 2020 13:46

...And?

By brenniman | 10

#7923726 - Monday 20 July 2020 4:38

What makes you think that his balls were sweaty?