By Anonymous - Australia Itchy and Scratchy Today, I put a collar on my dog to get rid of his fleas. Good news? He doesn't have fleas anymore. Bad news? They've moved onto the rest of my family. FML I agree, your life sucks 1481 You deserved it 318 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cereal_mistress - United States - Sonoma Today, my boyfriend and I went to the doctor's for an ultrasound, as I'm 7 months pregnant. Then he went home and took his wife out to dinner for her birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 34708 You deserved it 95845 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fonz - United States Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 6502 You deserved it 56361 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By well damn - United States - Columbus Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML I agree, your life sucks 19869 You deserved it 1820 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hellostupid - United States Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML I agree, your life sucks 35891 You deserved it 4793 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wowie Rebel without a cause. Today, my ex threatened to not return my things that she still has. She even went on to say she will burn them, because she hates me and I "broke her heart". Not only has it been over half a year since we broke up, but she was the one who broke up with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1671 You deserved it 125 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Wheresthecreamfilling Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML I agree, your life sucks 11023 You deserved it 1859 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ginger_Gawd - United States - Hialeah Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML I agree, your life sucks 29452 You deserved it 45888 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mr Hawks - France Today, I decided to put my computer on slideshow mode. Did you know that hidden files are also read when you put slideshow on? I discovered this, as did my entire family, when my naked girlfriend appeared on the screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 23569 You deserved it 14270 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML I agree, your life sucks 35030 You deserved it 3894 234 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Steph - United States Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML I agree, your life sucks 1497 You deserved it 393 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pwib - United States - Napa Today, a bunch of my friends have been accepted to various colleges while I've been denied to the past 5. To cheer me up, my mom drove me to McDonald's. While we were in the drive-thru, she asked them if they had any job openings. FML I agree, your life sucks 32114 You deserved it 5189 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By awalc - United States Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML I agree, your life sucks 32664 You deserved it 6022 249 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadday - United States Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML I agree, your life sucks 32979 You deserved it 3983 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FailedEngineer - Australia Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML I agree, your life sucks 14219 You deserved it 35564 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML I agree, your life sucks 69439 You deserved it 3570 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RobotUnicorn1209 - Canada - Hamilton Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML I agree, your life sucks 24496 You deserved it 2695 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Larry - United States Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML I agree, your life sucks 27960 You deserved it 2230 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I contacted a girl who dropped her ID at a club last night. I offer to drive 2 hours to return her ID to her. She is thrilled. When I arrive, she gives me a strange look, takes the ID, and runs back into her house. A two hour drive without even a thank you. FML I agree, your life sucks 33215 You deserved it 13657 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bronzemedal97 - United States Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 48502 You deserved it 3203 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mildver - Costa Rica First Dates Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 64084 You deserved it 4550 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Egg Harbor Township Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 6741 You deserved it 48933 185 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chester Keep your secrets, do your own laundry Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML I agree, your life sucks 1468 You deserved it 240 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotInTheRightPlace - United States - Falls Church Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML I agree, your life sucks 40994 You deserved it 6515 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sore - France Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML I agree, your life sucks 24616 You deserved it 3848 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By swmmr - United States Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 26372 You deserved it 14057 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Clumsyblonde22 - United States Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 61085 You deserved it 4151 239 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By still single - Brazil - Santa Maria Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 24597 You deserved it 3004 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML I agree, your life sucks 23409 You deserved it 7125 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By an egg - United States - Livonia Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML I agree, your life sucks 31448 You deserved it 1618 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jts - United States - Asheville Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML I agree, your life sucks 21338 You deserved it 2374 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Costa Mesa Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML I agree, your life sucks 41234 You deserved it 4870 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By eatmywords - Singapore Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML I agree, your life sucks 13494 You deserved it 63970 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sharee K. - United States Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML I agree, your life sucks 40407 You deserved it 6554 275 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By leve80paladin - United States Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML I agree, your life sucks 12834 You deserved it 68087 299 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brook - Australia - Sydney Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML I agree, your life sucks 36351 You deserved it 3805 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ev_lyn_aw Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 3792 You deserved it 265 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mother of a dumb blonde Top Chef Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML I agree, your life sucks 3784 You deserved it 665 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sel2207 - France Today, I lent my brand new earrings to one of my friends. Everyone told her that they are pretty, and look really great on her. I've been wearing them for the last 3 weeks, and no one has ever mentioned them. FML I agree, your life sucks 26080 You deserved it 2546 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 05:01 - United States Weird reason, but OK Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, sitting in my car, an hour into a four-hour trip. The reason? I haven't been lifting with him at his gym during the COVID-19 pandemic. The kicker? We were headed back after a stay-cation with his mom, because yesterday was my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 756 You deserved it 74 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 123roomielover - United States Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML I agree, your life sucks 46432 You deserved it 3726 242 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RichardPencil | 30 #7895510 - Monday 6 April 2020 20:40 Put flea collars on your family. Problem solved...what's for lunch? Send a private message 6 2 Reply
By RichardPencil | 30 #7895510 - Monday 6 April 2020 20:40 Put flea collars on your family. Problem solved...what's for lunch? Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Today, I caught my husband setting up an affair with my old school-friend. I have chronic pain, a hormone imbalance and some other issues that means I'm... I agree, your life sucks 192 You deserved it 28 1 Comments
Today, I re-started the Grindr app several times because I wasn’t receiving notifications. Turns out it wasn’t malfunctioning, it was just that I didn’t... I agree, your life sucks 498 You deserved it 214 1 Comments
Problem solved...what's for lunch?