By SleeplessInDenver - United States - Denver

Hummmmmmmmm

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1488

You deserved it

123

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Serious times

Time to run

Please like me

By TheHeirofTime - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14175

You deserved it

1704

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By Noname - United States

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8889

You deserved it

55125

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By EwwGross - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26441

You deserved it

1936

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24890

You deserved it

75185

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By blumaster04 - United States

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27253

You deserved it

4022

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By poorbeauty - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13294

You deserved it

2712

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By missy - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87256

You deserved it

8634

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By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

720

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By Shady_Soldier - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47499

You deserved it

7323

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By anonymous

Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5245

You deserved it

503

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By HadToApologize - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8304

You deserved it

22855

Favorite

By Big B - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24983

You deserved it

45355

Favorite

By Tick

Today, I witnessed my first drunken bar brawl. Yes, my 54-year-old husband was one of the participants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2558

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By grossedout - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39772

You deserved it

3030

Favorite

By hairyarms - Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24240

You deserved it

5659

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

186839

You deserved it

29787

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28434

You deserved it

2393

Favorite

By TehUglyLife - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44835

You deserved it

14116

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was brutally run over by a man in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28595

You deserved it

3961

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Port Hardy

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29384

You deserved it

3218

Favorite

By fmlman - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44298

You deserved it

6347

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28371

You deserved it

28606

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By Anonymous

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2392

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By crazybiotch - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11696

You deserved it

61009

Favorite

By Sloppy Cashmere - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11795

You deserved it

1406

Favorite

By sickness_sucks - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31952

You deserved it

17082

Favorite

By kaycie_lynn - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6750

You deserved it

71383

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4326

You deserved it

643

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49923

You deserved it

6985

Favorite

By FML - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46321

You deserved it

24146

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By Judy69 - United States - Dekalb

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30467

You deserved it

5981

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28955

You deserved it

4310

Favorite

By altocrm - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42239

You deserved it

4216

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29954

You deserved it

2339

Favorite

By sadgirl

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6049

You deserved it

430

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By Connor - United States

Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30960

You deserved it

2625

Favorite

By Clumsy - United States

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50452

You deserved it

5456

Favorite

By too slow - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36101

You deserved it

9722

Favorite

By Ugh - United States - Dublin

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32739

You deserved it

9803

Favorite

By Anonymous

Bird song

Today, I figured I've been watching too many horror films, due to my parrot mimicking a women's blood-curdling screams that he heard in a movie. How do I know? He decided to reproduce the screams at 3 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

391

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7839050 - Monday 2 September 2019 9:28

You need to tell your landlord to install a quieter hidden video camera.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839097 - Monday 2 September 2019 15:24

Either it's somebody's missing vibrator or a really large bee's nest. I wouldn't worry about either case ... 'cuz I don't live there anyway. ;-)

COMMENTS

By BigSissy | 14

#7839033 - Monday 2 September 2019 7:36

Buy a fan or a white noise machine. That should help.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7839050 - Monday 2 September 2019 9:28

You need to tell your landlord to install a quieter hidden video camera.

By 404wan | 19

#7839085 - Monday 2 September 2019 12:35

Yeah, your life sure is fucked.

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7839091 - Monday 2 September 2019 13:54

Earplugs! I sleep with them every night.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7839097 - Monday 2 September 2019 15:24

Either it's somebody's missing vibrator or a really large bee's nest. I wouldn't worry about either case ... 'cuz I don't live there anyway. ;-)

By childlessmother | 16

#7839143 - Monday 2 September 2019 18:16

Vibrator?

By alycion | 38

#7839181 - Monday 2 September 2019 21:17

Isn’t this what landlords are for?

By smartjaguargurl | 17

#7839267 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 5:22

The ghost is just trying to hum you to sleep

By Michael Hicks | 4

#7839340 - Tuesday 3 September 2019 15:04

OP, it is possible it is something electrical going bad. Which would be a fire risk. Get it checked out.

By spanishgirllll | 8

#7839727 - Thursday 5 September 2019 4:37

Maybe it’s a bee or wasp nest. Better get that checked out.