Hummmmmmmmm

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 103

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 40

Hummmmmmmmm

By SleeplessInDenver - 02/09/2019 06:00

Today, I moved into my brand new apartment, only to discover that there is an annoying, constant hum coming from the ceiling above my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 124

Broken heart

Walk on the wild side

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

10/09/2016 04:11

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 827

You deserved it 1 104

14/06/2011 17:56

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 627

You deserved it 3 911

11/03/2014 13:04

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 816

You deserved it 6 270

30/10/2011 16:57

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 793

You deserved it 3 151

17/12/2016 10:03

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 564

You deserved it 631

04/04/2016 18:55

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 556

You deserved it 4 454

26/04/2010 21:42

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash a KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 653

You deserved it 17 315

10/06/2009 08:18

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 826

You deserved it 2 785

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 63

31/10/2010 00:00

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 045

07/05/2015 11:01

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 3 008

20/08/2009 06:22

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 503

You deserved it 49 880

Cats > Babies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2020 14:00

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 387

07/10/2011 15:09

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 2 682

12/09/2011 19:00

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 054

You deserved it 3 447

Just a friend

By UnluckyTh1rteen - 27/08/2020 14:19

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 178

01/02/2012 08:19

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 4 122

15/01/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 881

You deserved it 1 764

08/06/2019 04:00

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 073

You deserved it 121

31/07/2016 15:39

Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 943

You deserved it 2 057

Hey, Big Spender!

By El Sayer - 03/03/2020 23:01

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 164

07/05/2012 14:08

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 934

You deserved it 5 917

28/07/2012 20:38

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 3 379

07/02/2016 17:59

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 670

You deserved it 2 118

07/05/2016 21:34

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 650

You deserved it 950

23/01/2009 19:50

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 47 005

18/04/2014 18:24

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 147

You deserved it 13 663

03/10/2015 20:45

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 960

You deserved it 2 204

Comeback

By Pinsky - 20/09/2021 01:00

Today, I walked in on the guy I called a cuck in high school going down on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 491

14/07/2013 20:08

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 439

You deserved it 3 868

26/11/2011 05:54

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 614

You deserved it 3 973

27/05/2009 05:27

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 973

You deserved it 17 304

14/02/2017 06:00

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 365

You deserved it 573

30/05/2014 20:37

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 104

You deserved it 10 814

04/09/2010 13:24

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 276

28/09/2009 15:01

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 3 641

20/05/2015 16:17

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 2 258

15/07/2011 11:38

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 740

You deserved it 2 785

20/05/2009 20:01

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 470

You deserved it 4 069

05/07/2016 17:04

Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 12 272

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 2 September 2019 9:28

You need to tell your landlord to install a quieter hidden video camera.

jbuckets_404 38

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Monday 2 September 2019 15:24

Either it's somebody's missing vibrator or a really large bee's nest. I wouldn't worry about either case ... 'cuz I don't live there anyway. ;-)

Comments

BigSissy 14

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Monday 2 September 2019 7:36

Buy a fan or a white noise machine. That should help.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 2 September 2019 9:28

You need to tell your landlord to install a quieter hidden video camera.

404wan 19

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Monday 2 September 2019 12:35

Yeah, your life sure is fucked.

Shzusuziq 16

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Monday 2 September 2019 13:54

Earplugs! I sleep with them every night.

jbuckets_404 38

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Monday 2 September 2019 15:24

Either it's somebody's missing vibrator or a really large bee's nest. I wouldn't worry about either case ... 'cuz I don't live there anyway. ;-)

childlessmother 16

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Monday 2 September 2019 18:16

Vibrator?

alycion 38

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Monday 2 September 2019 21:17

Isn’t this what landlords are for?

smartjaguargurl 17

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 5:22

The ghost is just trying to hum you to sleep

Michael Hicks 4

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Tuesday 3 September 2019 15:04

OP, it is possible it is something electrical going bad. Which would be a fire risk. Get it checked out.

spanishgirllll 8

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Thursday 5 September 2019 4:37

Maybe it’s a bee or wasp nest. Better get that checked out.