By TimeWasted - 22/9/2020 14:04 - United States - Tallahassee

Out of the frying pan

Today, after I got hired on at a new job with perfect hours and pay, worked my two-week notice at my old job, now one week into new job, they let me go because they’re overstaffed and I’m the newest hire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1458

You deserved it

163

Favorite

Vulture

Walk on the wild side

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By ShelbyIsAwesome - 4/3/2021 17:01

Who are these people ?

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

789

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By f__k_it - United States

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22889

You deserved it

42061

Favorite

By that guy - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41802

You deserved it

3137

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24804

You deserved it

1827

Favorite

By emm - United States

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39260

You deserved it

9545

Favorite

By hottytodday - United States - Oxford

Courtesy visit

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2326

You deserved it

322

Favorite

By Anownimous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 50-something coworker followed through on his threat to file a defamation lawsuit against me. All because I jokingly said "pedo" after he bragged to everyone that his girlfriend is a smoking hot 19-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24687

You deserved it

5626

Favorite

By tiredeolfatty - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27513

You deserved it

4509

Favorite

By linzl00 - United States - Springfield

Today, the "man cold" has infected my brother. He honestly thinks he's dying. He only has the sniffles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39061

You deserved it

3630

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61569

You deserved it

7908

Favorite

By WeighYourWords - Belgium - Overheid

Today, my overweight colleague twisted his ankle. He's pretty self-conscious about his weight, but I had a brain-fart and told him he shouldn't try to put too much weight on it. His feelings are more hurt than his ankle now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13305

You deserved it

1903

Favorite

By a - United States - Clarksville

Today, as my friend was rudely rummaging through my phone, she saw a picture of the pottery I've painted her for Christmas. Not only did she see it, but she also declared it ugly. That's probably the present I'm the most proud of this Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26331

You deserved it

2471

Favorite

By shopper242 - France

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31737

You deserved it

4072

Favorite

By abnormallyadam - Australia - Footscray

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22865

You deserved it

4777

Favorite

By shando - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34494

You deserved it

3556

Favorite

By fatti11

Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7792

You deserved it

1114

Favorite

By Noname - Japan

Earthquake sneezer

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52661

You deserved it

2800

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Athens

Close, but no cigar

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1789

You deserved it

262

Favorite

By ash - United States

Today, was my boyfriends last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then ran up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught on her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30795

You deserved it

14754

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14082

You deserved it

28657

Favorite

By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10486

You deserved it

29879

Favorite

By unknown002 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11184

You deserved it

18618

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29201

You deserved it

7728

Favorite

By CoCo - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40056

You deserved it

11522

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33971

You deserved it

2534

Favorite

By Emcee - Philippines

Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I'm hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50560

You deserved it

6154

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 07:58

Mystery woman

Today, my husband of 4 years is tagged in a #ValentinesDayChallenge post on Facebook. No, I didn’t tag him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

764

You deserved it

Favorite

By sirswank

Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2909

You deserved it

1720

Favorite

By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31074

You deserved it

2605

Favorite

By fatty magoo - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44219

You deserved it

15919

Favorite

By ForeverEmbarrassed - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44574

You deserved it

4345

Favorite

By b. - Australia

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32052

You deserved it

10835

Favorite

By holly - Germany

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26954

You deserved it

20095

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15038

You deserved it

89296

Favorite

By Immaculatedream - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64078

You deserved it

4571

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36947

You deserved it

3806

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1644

You deserved it

817

Favorite

By TLT - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43281

You deserved it

5809

Favorite

By thanksfyi - Norway

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38472

You deserved it

4579

Favorite

By an idiot - Australia

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34916

You deserved it

7783

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7940056 - Tuesday 22 September 2020 23:29

Very unfortunate indeed. With luck you’ll now discover the job you are perfect for. Go for it! You can do it.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7940037 - Tuesday 22 September 2020 22:13

Get your old job back.

Blame "grass is greener" syndrome.

COMMENTS

By alex_jaguara | 31

#7940019 - Tuesday 22 September 2020 21:05

The job market is messed up all over the world I haven't searched for a new one for over 12 years but I'm good with my current average paying job. Best of luck, man/woman/apache helicopter!