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The all-time greatest FMLs

Poor Mickey

By oh, good - 15/09/2019 02:02 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 273

Dream baby dream

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 23:00

Today, I woke up to my father sobbing his eyes out in the kitchen. Apparently, I screamed, "DON'T TELL THEM I'M PREGNANT!" in my sleep last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 344

Freudian slip

By LLP - 15/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out there's nothing like getting dumped and then receiving an inadvertent Snapchat sext from your ex-girlfriend that was intended for her new boyfriend, on what would have been your anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 153

Genetics

By outie - 13/09/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I have an 'outie' belly button, and he didn't want our potential kids to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 201

Amazon addict

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my husband spent us into overdraft charges through compulsive online shopping. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 205

By LovelySB - 21/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 732

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 16/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 304

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 23:00

Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 231

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 253

Woo woo

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 12:00 - Australia

Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 105

Time to bail

By Anonymous - 27/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I spent $900 for a 2-hour private room session at a strip club, simply to sit, talk, and cuddle (nothing sexual). I'm "happily" married, but my love language is physical touch. I love soft and gentle affection and my wife hates it. I'm already planning to go back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 814

By Anonim23 - 15/08/2019 20:00

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 244

Hide and seek

By sihehe - 28/04/2020 05:00

Today, my cat got diarrhea. My house is under renovation at the moment. I can smell it, but I don't know where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 212

Special kind of not funny

By BDSarah - 17/09/2019 16:00

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 146

Mom of the century

By Central - 29/10/2019 12:00

Today, I've not had any contact with my mother for years, and when tornadoes came through our hometown and wiped out most of our downtown area, she didn't contact me at all. I finally contacted her myself. Her reason for not contacting me? She had "watched the news" and "knew I was OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 224

By Kev - 23/05/2019 04:00

Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 156

So sorry I called you a dingdong

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 17:01

Today, I sent a draft email to my boss. The receptionist, thinking they were being helpful, forwarded it straight to the client. It's not ready for the client. I mean, it is NOT ready for the client. Really, really not ready for the client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 245

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

By JesusLaidAnEgg - 10/09/2019 14:02

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 257

Death at one's elbow

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 281

Take care

By Anonymous - 16/12/2020 08:02

Spicy

Today, after close to 10 years of marriage, my wife’s health has improved enough she is craving sex again. Just not with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 143

Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer

By Anonymous - 03/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 329

By QueenCortana Tiffany Turner - 04/07/2019 02:00

Today, my toddler shat on her carpet again. She also decided to play in it. This is the third time in a month. She's fully potty trained, and thinks it’s funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 344

Protection

By Anonymous - 03/07/2020 08:01

Today, I went on my first date in a year or so. It was going great, but after we left the restaurant, we went back to her place, where I was quickly chased out of the house by her two daughters, and her grandfather with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 154

Life decisions

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 05:05

Today, I decided to break up with my girlfriend after I got home and realised I was happier sat in my car on the street than I would be if I went inside and had to put up with her whining and her two spoiled daughters for even one more day. So now I’m happy, but also homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 430

Used

By Eric Jurgensen - 10/06/2020 17:03

Today, I found out my now ex-girlfriend had only moved in to spite her mother, not because she loved me. Five months of falling in love, just to find out I was just being used to get back at her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 169

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 22:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 187

Book it!

By Kiera Ayala - 08/06/2019 12:00

Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 327

All out in the open

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 08:00

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 197

White knights

By not a bitch just don’t like you - 10/03/2021 19:59 - United States

Today, once again, I told a guy who’s been hounding me for ages that I’m not interested. After being asked repeatedly and turning him down politely for so long, I finally snapped and cussed his ass out. Now I’m known as "the bitch" for hurting such a "nice guy's" feelings. I need new friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 178

The Terror

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 06:00 - New Zealand

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 180

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The Top

The Top

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "Ha! When losers send you flowers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 800

You deserved it 2 619

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 008

You deserved it 3 422

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 899

You deserved it 5 992

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 2 716

Today, I caught my son sneaking a woman out of his room at 5 a.m. After she was gone, I started with the questions, one of which was, “Well, what’s her name?” His response was, “No idea, I only met her last week.” I’ve raised one of “those guys.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 224

Today, my husband of nearly a decade told me he's been sleeping with his best friend for a year, and also a couple times with my best friend. Marriage destroyed. Life in shambles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 108