Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps...

By Anonim23

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

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There's no helping some people

Our house, in the middle of our street

The smell detective is on the case

By Boltz719 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

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36481

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By pinky - Australia

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

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33859

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By ouch - United Kingdom

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

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9630

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By kylie

Today, I’m trying to be healthy. My friends suggested I keep junk food out of the house so I don’t crave it. Yeah, that didn’t work. My car wouldn’t start so I actually made the four-mile walk to the nearest grocery store to get junk food. FML

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1160

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By pinecones - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

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36539

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By TasedAndDazed - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

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13433

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By Noname - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

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41710

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By Lonely - Australia

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

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35501

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By Anonymous - United States - Ridgefield

Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML

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20467

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By Shouldn'taWornaThong - United States - Tempe

Shouldn't have worn a thong...

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

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5491

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284

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By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

They targeted gamers!

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

317

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By ahuman - United States

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41681

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By 7rafe7 - United States

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

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11045

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30942

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By Someguy - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

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14842

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By KaRaSu - France

Today, whilst doing it with my girlfriend she goes :"are you done any time soon?" FML

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37708

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7033

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By kaitylait - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

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30446

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11087

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By anon

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

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36135

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19515

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By notlaughing - United States - College Park

Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML

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47041

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Wedding of the year

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

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367

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980

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By hunchbackofnotredamn - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

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32276

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By thechaos - United States - Pittsfield

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

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36503

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By shirley - Spain

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

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8709

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By Anonymous - United States - Marysville

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

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23762

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By A. - Canada

Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML

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81149

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me lactate. I'm a 6' tattooed guy with a boxing competition coming up soon. I'm never going to hear the end of this. FML

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24285

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By astocks - United States

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

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33942

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By a non e mouse - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

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19881

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By Unlucky - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

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32778

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By Wickls - United Kingdom

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

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9094

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By Anonyme - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

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19287

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By lonely - United States

Today, I posted on my Facebook wall that I'd gotten into a huge bar fight and had the shit kicked out of me, all to avoid having to tell the truth, namely that I'd stayed home all night because nobody invited me out to party. FML

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10023

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By feelsterrible - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

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8303

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By winks - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

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9478

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By boomstick - United States

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

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40517

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By lifestinks - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63844

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By Gumfanatic302 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69024

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By hcditfi5foygy

Today, I learned that my new neighbour's car alarm goes off every time a car drives by blasting loud bass. So far, it's gone off 6 times in the last hour. I can't wait until he's done moving in here, where he and his car will stay for the next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2356

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127

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By howprofessional - United States - Dearborn

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23858

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By fatguyinalittlecoat - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

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25755

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

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Top comments

By timinator5000 | 28

#7832827 - Thursday 15 August 2019 20:16

isn't that a win? I'm not a fan of spiders but I like wasps even less

By DrSamba | 7

#7832842 - Thursday 15 August 2019 21:10

Why is that a bad thing? Better than letting the wasps go free. I'd say a better FML is why do you have wasps in your house?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7832810 - Thursday 15 August 2019 20:01

White Anglo-Saxon Protestants?

Gosh!!!

By timinator5000 | 28

#7832827 - Thursday 15 August 2019 20:16

isn't that a win? I'm not a fan of spiders but I like wasps even less

By DrSamba | 7

#7832842 - Thursday 15 August 2019 21:10

Why is that a bad thing? Better than letting the wasps go free. I'd say a better FML is why do you have wasps in your house?

By what | 1

#7832894 - Thursday 15 August 2019 23:40

Antman?

By Mathalamus | 24

#7832924 - Friday 16 August 2019 1:45

I think that's a good thing.

By slowhandjp | 16

#7832931 - Friday 16 August 2019 3:10

I can't live in the house that has so big spiders in it🕷🕸because I'm a spiderphobia😱

By Sinshine | 27

#7832937 - Friday 16 August 2019 3:43

I'd rather have big spiders that don't do me any harm than wasps :o

By LadyRen | 20

#7832944 - Friday 16 August 2019 4:20

Time to move

By ViviMage | 38

#7832949 - Friday 16 August 2019 5:14

They are doing you a favor!

By idragosani | 8

#7833048 - Friday 16 August 2019 13:45

This is probably a good thing if you have wasps in your house.