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By Matt - 30/04/2019 02:00

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 737

Costly kitty

By fishyrael - 16/05/2020 13:20

Today, I bought $3 hair ties. I then spent the night at the emergency vet after my kitten managed to open the drawer and eat them. So today, I actually bought $1003 hair ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 313

fishyrael tells us more.

fishyrael 28

Saturday 16 May 2020 6:27

Anyone worried, she is fine. I took her in the second I realized what she'd done. They tried to induce vomiting but she's a stubborn little thing and wasn't even affected by the procedure so they ended up having to put her under and get the hair ties out with a grabber. No surgery thankfully. She was very sleepy and wobbly after but after a nap she was back to her old hellion self. I know I could've waited to see if they would pass naturally but she's only 8 months old and hair ties can be deadly if they don't pass, and surgery would've been much more expensive and stressful for her at that point. The new hair ties are in a heavy wooden drawer that I'm certain she's not strong enough to open, unlike the light plywood desk drawer they were in before, that I am now aware she can, in fact, open.

Eye bleach

By deardaughter - 14/08/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 125

New urinal

By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink as an urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 330

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 01/04/2021 08:01

Today, after months and months of putting up with bleeding, I have made the connection that, if I orgasm, I will bleed the following day for days at a time, regardless of whether or not I should be on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 102

Pissed

By kkmirw - 14/10/2019 05:00

Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 113

Risky business

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 02:02

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 150

Corporate logic

By AloisTrancy - 24/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 97

Analyst

By Anonymous - 05/11/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my wife insisted we try anal until we “got it right”. Well, she complained through the whole thing, wouldn’t let me quit, blamed me when I inevitably did orgasm and she didn’t, and then moaned about how it stings and needing a shower. I don’t even like anal, it’s not my thing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 352

Dangling modifier

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 23:06

Today, I took my dog out for his walk, only to find out that I had an extra bra hanging vertically out of my pants. Thankfully, the only person who saw me was the maintenance guy, who looked very confused, so I just smiled at him. I had no idea why, I only realized when the wind blew it against my leg and I saw my shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 510

Outdoorsy romance

By Anonymous - 04/04/2020 17:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the marina nearby. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind the lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 719

It's not unusual

By nightmare come true - 15/03/2022 18:00

Today, I asked my fiancé if we could get legally married at the courthouse before we had the big wedding ceremony, just to quell my irrational fear of being left at the altar. He agreed, then didn’t show up at the courthouse. Nightmare realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 182

Airhead

By Anonymous - 16/01/2022 02:01

Today, my husband is so useless that he forgot to pick our son up from my mother's, forgot to take our daughter to the doctor, forgot to buy some groceries we need, and after begging for another appointment with the doctor, he forgot what was wrong with our daughter (a massive rash) I despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 377

New Year's Eve

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 20:01

Today, after explicitly telling everyone we know that we were having a date night to ourselves, my wife’s sister turned up at our house because she “heard you were all by yourselves without the kids so I thought I’d come over to keep you company.” Never a fucking moment to ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 202