Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my five-year-old son threatened to kill another kid at school. I told the teacher I would have a talk with my son about how that’s not okay. The teacher replied that I’d better call the cops in case he “follows through.” Did I mention the kid is five? FML
Today, my son's school called and made a comment about only calling me because my wife didn’t answer her phone. My wife is dead. It’s in his record that his mom is dead, and yet they still tried to call her before me, because I suppose dads aren’t real parents like moms are. FML
Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML
Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML
Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML
Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML
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Top comments
daisythebunny1988 9
at least you know that he knows how to call 911 in an emergency
friendly_pixeh 7
Chief Wiggum?
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
The only way? Your kid is pretty dumb. Another good way for him to reach you is for him to hold up a liquor store. Duh.
daisythebunny1988 9
at least you know that he knows how to call 911 in an emergency
friendly_pixeh 7
Chief Wiggum?
TheSminty1 17
You mean it isn't?