By Anonymous

Wrong enemy

Today, my girlfriend slapped a waxing strip on my beard because she is sick of quarantine and wanted to lash out at someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1708

You deserved it

168

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Taking stock

There's no helping some people

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By CanStandup

Today, a very large lady was sitting down and panting as she watched me stock the bottom shelves at my store. Apparently, being able to squat down and stand back up repeatedly means I'm mocking her, and she threatened to report me to corporate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5046

You deserved it

262

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By Crushed

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9799

You deserved it

1138

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By nofrickenway - United States - Newport News

Today, I found out that my unemployed and very needy mother-in-law will be moving in with us soon. And during my conversation on the phone with her, she expects us to buy a house and my wife and I can "live with her." My wife agrees with all of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30827

You deserved it

2715

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By Anonymous - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9666

You deserved it

40463

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By Anonymous - United States - Suwanee

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18170

You deserved it

5474

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By myennechee - Germany

Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43100

You deserved it

91788

Favorite

By SailorVenus93 - 26/2/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

No pain, no gain

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

694

You deserved it

163

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By Anonymous - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59650

You deserved it

3975

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By alisaav - Thailand

Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38203

You deserved it

13573

Favorite

By pissedandcomputerless - United States - Lawrence

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44953

You deserved it

8651

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By shouldhavecheckedthelock - United States

Today, after having not used my laptop since January because I thought it was broken, I found out that the key lock has been on the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11861

You deserved it

51851

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By SprinklerDodger - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27606

You deserved it

2387

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By Anonymous

Pleasant smell

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1816

You deserved it

185

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By heallven - France - Ostricourt

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32499

You deserved it

11412

Favorite

By Forgetable - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33030

You deserved it

3003

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By Anonymous

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9432

You deserved it

771

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By depressed - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37121

You deserved it

4034

Favorite

By FunFun in the Sun - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18191

You deserved it

1298

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charles City

A Natural Snack!

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6794

You deserved it

775

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By Anonymous - United States - Hills

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7170

You deserved it

13109

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By fuckmuppeter512 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65589

You deserved it

8655

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By fuuuuck - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25967

You deserved it

8683

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2021 23:00

Bad job

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks

695

You deserved it

221

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By Mygawdwhy

Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4078

You deserved it

1964

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By okaythen - United States - Arcata

Today, I got written up by HR after my new coworker told them I had an ignorant, offensive caricature of Native American people decorating my desk. It was a framed photograph of an actual Native American tribe that belonged to my history buff grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22232

You deserved it

1525

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By StudentAbroad - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20922

You deserved it

2717

Favorite

By luceeloo

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11148

You deserved it

817

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47495

You deserved it

15836

Favorite

By Mike Polk - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31093

You deserved it

5897

Favorite

By redhead - United States - Lima

Well Played

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6325

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/3/2021 23:01

Private Catholic school?

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

835

You deserved it

198

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20202

You deserved it

147436

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32132

You deserved it

2635

Favorite

By awskme - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10628

You deserved it

28272

Favorite

By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I met my boyfriend's very strict and traditional Korean parents. I had to listen to them while they called me a skank and how I was fat and ugly compared to nice, pretty, Korean girls. They don't know I speak Korean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53786

You deserved it

3556

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1944

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By notthesame - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14637

You deserved it

1179

Favorite

By Joshua Sheldon - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23164

You deserved it

8477

Favorite

By Noj12345 - United States

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18257

You deserved it

57008

Favorite

By SquirrellyGirl

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1651

You deserved it

104

Favorite

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Top comments

By cacheson | 41

#7896698 - Saturday 11 April 2020 16:21

1. Inappropriate
2. Basically assault
3. You can get it off without ripping out your beard. Google it!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7896592 - Saturday 11 April 2020 8:22

I hope you mean EX-girlfriend, that is, in a month or so after you can kick her out.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7896592 - Saturday 11 April 2020 8:22

I hope you mean EX-girlfriend, that is, in a month or so after you can kick her out.

By weazle | 13

#7896614 - Saturday 11 April 2020 9:11

Just cut it out? If you can’t cut it out it’s not really a beard anyway.

By nerdove4735 | 14

#7896696 - Saturday 11 April 2020 16:02

Sounds pretty toxic. Hope you can leave her ass

By cacheson | 41

#7896698 - Saturday 11 April 2020 16:21

1. Inappropriate
2. Basically assault
3. You can get it off without ripping out your beard. Google it!

By knotley | 9

#7896810 - Saturday 11 April 2020 22:28

That's uncalled for.

By S3XY_SiNG3R | 5

#7896889 - Sunday 12 April 2020 6:53

Haha 🤣👏🏽! Either she’s a sassy bitch or a cunt! Hahaha 😆

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7897128 - Sunday 12 April 2020 23:22

I hope you mean EX-girlfriend

By icecreamisrad | 13

#7897697 - Tuesday 14 April 2020 16:51

Omg I’m so glad I’m not the only one that needs to lash out🤣😂🤣also warm oil will help remove the strip!

By peithecelt | 28

#7938353 - Tuesday 15 September 2020 4:24

this is REALLY funny 5 months later, still in quarantine.

"funny".... yeah... that's the word.