Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML
Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML
Today, a woman walked in with her dog into a pet-free zone of my restaurant. When I politely told her that she would have to move, she told me she had a guide dog and would be calling her lawyer. I lost my job by the end of the night because she thinks dog vests are cruel. FML
FudgeThePolice tells us more.
Yo, I’m the OP, I hope the mods of the site will be able to connect me to this story! Since people think I’m being ignorant etc, I decided to make this account to clear things up. First of all, I am fully aware that medically service dogs are allowed basically anywhere - I’ve got friends and family who have a variety of difficult needs and their dogs are a great help. The issue of this whole situation is this woman had ZERO indication that her dog was a service animal - as in there was no vest, lead, harness, bandana etc and she herself had no indication either, so I literally had no way to know. There’s a very limited amount of characters on these submissions and obviously I couldn’t put everything on there. I wasn’t rude either, word for word I said “I’m so sorry ma’am, I have to ask you to move to another table as this area doesn’t allow animals for the comfort of all our guests, may I get you a drink for your trouble?.” There’s three other giant areas of the restaurant she could have gone to with plenty of space. She just went absolutely crazy. My boss did offer me my job back with a pay rise, but I’d found a nicer place by then. He did apologise a lot and we’re still friends outside of work :)
Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML
Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all six of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML
Today, our 2-year-old poured honey on our baby. FML
Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML
Today, after my boyfriend ignored me for hours playing video games, he gave me some attention for a little bit. When I tried to run my fingers through his hair, I missed and punched him in the face. FML
Today, I finally managed to get my ghostly white legs tanned. It was during a yoga lesson, and I was wearing my knee braces. Half of my legs are now a shade darker. FML
Kurliez408 tells us more.
Kurliez408 32
OP hear! So to clear up- It usually takes me forever to tan, and this was a yoga lesson which my teacher randomly decided to hold outside (I also got sunburned). Due to my f*cked up knees I wear braces that go from above my knees to below them. My tan line starts half way down my shin! I was also wearing an X back tanktop so clearly this was not the summer tan I longed for hahaha. Maybe it will be a new trend! Who knows in these crazy times!
Today, the framed memorabilia that I spent $195 on last week came crashing to the floor. It was on my wall for less than 2 hours. The picture is torn and the glass is shattered, but at least the frame is alright. FML
Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML
Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how it looks every day. FML
Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML
Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML
Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for our photocopier, it turns out that all faults are user errors, and it's now my job to 'idiot proof' the printer. The people I work for are all educated on a Master's / PhD level and are responsible for cancer patient treatment at a major hospital. FML
Today, after a year of diet and rigorous exercise, I've still gained weight. Confused, I went to my doctor. Apparently I have a thyroid condition he forgot to mention, and therefore haven't been on medication for, thus causing weight gain. FML
Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML
Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML
Today, our work computers are down so I've been trying to fix it via my home computer for 3 days. My 12-year-old son took one look at the screen, changed 2 settings on a drop down menu, and the problem was fixed. My 12-year-old is better at my job than I am. FML
Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML
Today, I moved back to a small town after 4 years in the city. I was looking forward to getting away from the light pollution until I woke up in the middle of the night, peered into the pitch black void above my head, and had a panic attack. I need a night light at 23. FML
Today, my roommate forgot to pay the water bill on time, so they shut it off. Now we're without running water for 3 days and I'm taking my morning dump in Target next to a stranger. FML
Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, my previously blond boyfriend dyed his hair dark brown and shaved his beard. When he got home, I thought he was an intruder and screamed. Now he thinks I don't love him because I didn't recognize him. FML
Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML
Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML
Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML
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