Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML
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Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML
Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML
Today, I showered with my favorite soaps, and I used my favorite perfumes and lotions too. I layered my scents to get a nice fruity, girly scent, which helps boosts my confidence. My husband walked in the bedroom when I was done and said that it smelled like cheesy garlic bread. FML
Today, I was taking a relaxing soak in the tub with my essential oils, when my husband walked in and proceeded to take the most foul-smelling dump ever. The toilet is right next to the bathtub, so my essential oils didn’t stand a chance. Besides that, our house has four other bathrooms. FML
Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML
Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, my husband bought a luxury soap that smells like lemons. Now, every time I wash my private parts in the shower, it smells like a special at Red Lobster. FML
Today, I went to get a nice, relaxing hot stone massage. Instead I got second degree burns on my legs. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
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Top comments
acmariner99 25
So I’m guessing it essentially not sensual?
Emelka_fml 20
Oils like DoTerra are considered “therapy grade”, which makes them suitable for direct skin use. However, certain (many) essential oils are highly concentrated. They’re not meant to be used on skin without a safe carrier oil, such as olive or coconut.
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Comments (23)
acmariner99 25
So I’m guessing it essentially not sensual?
ptoka 20
Not sure where you got those essential oils, Bed Bath and Beyond maybe? DoTerra and Young Living oils are all natural and pure, thus they can readily be used on the skin. My wife and I will use them all the time for bug bites or massages, they are really versatile... Really helps to research what you are using beforehand.
Emelka_fml 20
Oils like DoTerra are considered “therapy grade”, which makes them suitable for direct skin use. However, certain (many) essential oils are highly concentrated. They’re not meant to be used on skin without a safe carrier oil, such as olive or coconut.
TxKitten79 10
Exactly. I use my doTerra oils on my skin and my family's skin frequently. And I always check to make sure whether they need to be diluted in carrier oil or not. doTerra actually makes an essential oil blend specifically for massages.
bigharv 1
It depends more on the oil than whether it is an overpriced brand or not. Some oils are safe for skin, and some are not. It has nothing to do with being natural or pure either, because lots of things are natural and pure, but are not good for the body (lead, for example, is a natural material that should not be put into your body, especially if pure).
Steffi 26
Most essential oils (especially the stronger ones like tea tree) shouldn't ever be applied to the skin in their pure form (in fact it's illegal in the UK to sell cosmetics which contain more than 3% of essential oils (a few essential oils are are allowed to be in cosmetics at a higher concentrations though, such as orange essential oil)) , I accidentally splashed a few drops of pure, natural cinnamon essential oil on my face and ended up with large red sore blotches
Glowworm56 26
Ah, this didn't quite go in the direction I was expecting. I thought your well-meaning husband was going to use cooking oil.
Phillycheeze 20
I prefer garlic olive oil. or WD-40... I'm EZ
raven_of_azarath 34
Sounds more like an allergic reaction. Essential oils can be used on the skin (preferably with a carrier oil, but possibly alone).
RichardPencil 30
At least, you think he misheard you. He certainly wouldn’t have done that on purpose to make you unappealing to his rivals, would he?
Itsbeenalong 5
Wow fml for your husband, his hands must be really sore. You really are going to have to take extra care of him, he's not going to be able to ********** for a while.
silentbabydeer 10
Ohhh ouch!! I’m sure your husband felt really bad after that mistake!
Tim Carver 9
incorrect... REAL essential oils can be used on the skin... you just buy the cheap ones off Amazon
saberjpg 6
What is a sensual oil? You can get a sensual massage, but I don't think there is such thing as sensual oil.
Sam Fisher 13
Let’s make sure people have proper information, shall we? Lots of essential oils, no matter the brand, are safe enough to use directly on skin. Others, like rosemary and oregano for example, are considered irritants when used purely on skin, and thus must be diluted in a carrier oil. What you are experiencing seems more like an allergic reaction more than a “normal” reaction. Always check to see if the essential oil you have needs a carrier or not, always use a carrier no matter the oil if you have sensitive skin or are known to getting irritated to different things, and if you have any questions please go see a qualified aromatherapist and not Dr Google