Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for our photocopier, it turns out that all faults are user errors, and it's now my job to 'idiot proof' the printer. The people I work for are all educated on a Master's / PhD level and are responsible for cancer patient treatment at a major hospital. FML

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Understandable

Instadrama

Where are you?

By selfesteemloss - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I was flirting with a cute bartender on my last day in Spain. It was going well until we somehow got onto the topic of how I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 3 years via Facebook. He spent the next 5 minutes laughing and telling his coworkers how hilarious that was. FML

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By footbloodfountain - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

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By seriouslybored - United States

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

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By sleepwalker - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

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By greatly disturbed - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 05:00

Trigger happy

Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML

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By "Geric Brawner"

Today, my car broke down in traffic. It's okay though, everyone honked in support while I moved my vehicle from the busy intersection. Only the third time this month. FML

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By TeeJay - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

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By teardrops - Australia

Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML

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By where's the epipen - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By letmeinplease - United Kingdom

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

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By GladYoureConcerned - United States - Glendale

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML

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By jumbledgirl - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

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By bowler99 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

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By Hank Gummyworm - United States

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

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By TheLastSerenade - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

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By nomorepups

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

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By DD - France

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the highlight of my day was someone prank-calling me. FML

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By BrianTheLion89 - United States

Great story, tell it again!

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

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By NoStarbucks4Me - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

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By Anonymous - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

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By facepalm - United States

Today, my dad's conspiracy theory obsession hit a new level of stupidity when he blurted "false flag" because our toaster stopped working. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clay City

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

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By hot_friend - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

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By :( - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

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By me - United States - Findlay

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

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By noway6000 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

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By Masonlee89 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

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By Damian

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

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By Idiot on the bus

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

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By Aaron

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

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By Janet - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. I thought I was getting promoted because my sales had been really high lately. My boss shut his door behind me and asked me if I could comb his hair with a lice comb to get rid of his lice. I had to do it to keep my job. FML

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By I'm just sick, really - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

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By i.ask.you.how. - United States

Today, a friend of mine told me that he knew I was into kinky sex, "like getting tied up." I just stared at him, spluttering simple question words and wondering how on earth he could possibly know that about me. I then realized that he had been joking. Too late. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

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Top comments

By Leeono | 26

#7528801 - Saturday 12 August 2017 9:05

Intellectual intelligence does not always equate to wisdom.... I work in retail with a few college graduates and their lack of common sense sometimes is staggering!

By Danne696 | 14

#7532048 - Monday 21 August 2017 2:12

How much idiot proofing can a photocopier need? Just write out instructions and tape it to the front of the machine. Do I have too much faith in the intelligence of people?

COMMENTS

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7528756 - Saturday 12 August 2017 5:00

Well, now you have job security! ;-)

By Leeono | 26

#7528801 - Saturday 12 August 2017 9:05

Intellectual intelligence does not always equate to wisdom.... I work in retail with a few college graduates and their lack of common sense sometimes is staggering!

By Danne696 | 14

#7532048 - Monday 21 August 2017 2:12

How much idiot proofing can a photocopier need? Just write out instructions and tape it to the front of the machine. Do I have too much faith in the intelligence of people?

Reply

Lee Elliott | 4

#7532053 - Monday 21 August 2017 3:06

probably, but then again, apparently so did i, as that was my first response too.

Reply

onceuponatime456 | 16

#7532349 - Monday 21 August 2017 22:33

Yes, you do!

Reply

Talented73 | 54

#7532668 - Tuesday 22 August 2017 21:21

yes

By exileonmainst | 16

#7532050 - Monday 21 August 2017 2:46

Press the "any key"? Which button is the "any key"?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7532051 - Monday 21 August 2017 2:56

Don’t do too good of a job or you’ll be out of work.

Let these geniuses continue to fuck up the printer/copier and cheerfully fix it for them. Assuming you want to stay employed.

By Lee Elliott | 4

#7532052 - Monday 21 August 2017 3:05

hey, can't be an expert in everything, gotta have give-and-take somewhere. maybe have instructions laminated above the damn thing.

By readingrachel | 9

#7532063 - Monday 21 August 2017 3:48

Consider this OP they are all trained as doctors their job is healthcare not office work. So maybe that gap on their knowledge is because they literally are saving lives instead of making files

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Vkfan | 28

#7532083 - Monday 21 August 2017 7:11

I was 6 when I learned how to use a photocopier: you put the original on the top and press "print". There's no room for a "knowledge gap"

By Trina Buehrer Salas | 7

#7532065 - Monday 21 August 2017 3:58

I work in a similar field and, with few exceptions, the more acronyms/initials after their name, the less common sense people seem to have.

By gobiteme2 | 34

#7532080 - Monday 21 August 2017 7:00

Step 1 Place an arrow by "start". Step 2 Repeat if extra copies are needed.

By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20

#7532088 - Monday 21 August 2017 8:02

I'm going to an engeneering school atm and printers are humantiys biggest foe

Reply

Stiggy626 | 25

#7532116 - Monday 21 August 2017 9:46

and plotters, which I guess are just big ass printers haha so nevermind