Work: Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for...

By Anonymous - 21/08/2017 00:30 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, after weeks of complaints and an engineer call-out for our photocopier, it turns out that all faults are user errors, and it's now my job to 'idiot proof' the printer. The people I work for are all educated on a Master's / PhD level and are responsible for cancer patient treatment at a major hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 854

You deserved it 316

Work

Mama's boy

Stop talking!

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 20/08/2018 00:00 - United States

Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 392

You deserved it 242

By Dana - 16/11/2018 15:30

Today, I told my son if he wanted the new internet password he had to clean his room. I then caught him disconnecting my laptop from the internet. Turns out he changed the password months ago and now if I want the new password he wants £50. I ended up paying. I'm actually proud of the sneaky sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 3 349

By always-the-responsible-one - 03/01/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 565

You deserved it 3 098

By Awesome. - 15/09/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 856

You deserved it 4 980

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 102

You deserved it 56 694

By LoadingMeows - 23/09/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 1 890

FEED ME

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 23:02

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 121

By Anonyme - 26/06/2015 00:40 - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 448

You deserved it 2 597

By Blondie - 05/05/2011 20:01 - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 018

You deserved it 31 581

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 01:20 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 343

You deserved it 6 225

By anonymous - 14/12/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 12 188

By Discouraged - 06/01/2015 20:36 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 3 494

By fantastic - 03/02/2012 18:47 - France

Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 884

You deserved it 5 091

Thanks dad

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 06:01

Today, my fiancé told me that my dad apologized to him that I hadn’t inherited my mother’s chest size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 97

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 12:07 - Sweden

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 844

You deserved it 32 526

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 696

You deserved it 5 233

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 04:46 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 724

You deserved it 2 722

By polimeros - 09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 581

You deserved it 41 675

It's not karaoke night, mom

By RadioactiveKush - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my drunken mom began to frantically scream, "YEAH", "WOO HOO", and, "ALRIGHT" at some kindergarteners that were singing 'Amazing Grace' in honor of a restaurant owner who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 2 555

Fault

By problemchild - 02/11/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say, "Yes she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 565

You deserved it 3 715

By Sun_Kissed18 - 09/07/2014 07:26 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 408

You deserved it 4 191

Like tears in rain

By anabanannailoveu - 17/07/2021 07:59

Today, while I was on a walk, I saw my boyfriend; since it was raining, I thought it would be romantic to run up to him and kiss him. I ended up breaking his arm because I knocked him over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 161

You deserved it 78 464

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 190

You deserved it 454

By _schaden_freude - 27/12/2015 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 1 815

By Forgetable - 21/04/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 044

You deserved it 3 004

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 047

You deserved it 3 160

By moudly - 06/01/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 545

You deserved it 4 972

By ouch - 16/09/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, my sister told me that she read that the pain of giving birth is equal to the pain of breaking 20 bones at once. I'm 19 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 229

You deserved it 5 869

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 997

You deserved it 2 788

Surprise!

By BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 862

You deserved it 1 256

Pray the pain away

By bad religion - 28/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was crying to my sister that my therapist office messed up and didn’t schedule my appointment. My mom overheard and yelled, "You don’t need that mess anyway! Just pray about it!” Being raised with her religious fanaticism is what led to my insomnia, anxiety, depression, and guilt complex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 22:45 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I had to show my daughter where the USA is on a map. She's 17, and we live in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 280

You deserved it 10 893

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 271

You deserved it 1 325

By gabby - 24/02/2012 23:01 - United States

Today, I dolled myself up and hit the campus gym, hoping to leave with a cute boy's number. I left in a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 32 336

By Username - 08/10/2010 21:30 - France

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 270

You deserved it 40 827

By insideout - 10/05/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 371

You deserved it 127 801

By hatemyboss - 03/11/2011 16:13 - Canada

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 554

You deserved it 44 986

By Anonymous - 28/08/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 2 912

By whoops - 11/04/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was on my way home from work and decided to stop at the grocery store. I purchased $200 in groceries and went to put them in my car. I then realized I drove my motorcycle today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 88 657

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Top comments

Leeono 26

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Saturday 12 August 2017 9:05

Intellectual intelligence does not always equate to wisdom.... I work in retail with a few college graduates and their lack of common sense sometimes is staggering!

Danne696 14

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Monday 21 August 2017 2:12

How much idiot proofing can a photocopier need? Just write out instructions and tape it to the front of the machine. Do I have too much faith in the intelligence of people?

jbuckets_404 38

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Saturday 12 August 2017 5:00

Well, now you have job security! ;-)

Leeono 26

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Saturday 12 August 2017 9:05

Intellectual intelligence does not always equate to wisdom.... I work in retail with a few college graduates and their lack of common sense sometimes is staggering!

Danne696 14

Send a private message

Monday 21 August 2017 2:12

How much idiot proofing can a photocopier need? Just write out instructions and tape it to the front of the machine. Do I have too much faith in the intelligence of people?

Lee Elliott 4

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Monday 21 August 2017 3:06

probably, but then again, apparently so did i, as that was my first response too.

onceuponatime456 16

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Monday 21 August 2017 22:33

Yes, you do!

Talented73 54

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Tuesday 22 August 2017 21:21

yes

exileonmainst 16

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Monday 21 August 2017 2:46

Press the "any key"? Which button is the "any key"?

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 21 August 2017 2:56

Don’t do too good of a job or you’ll be out of work. Let these geniuses continue to fuck up the printer/copier and cheerfully fix it for them. Assuming you want to stay employed.

Lee Elliott 4

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Monday 21 August 2017 3:05

hey, can't be an expert in everything, gotta have give-and-take somewhere. maybe have instructions laminated above the damn thing.

readingrachel 9

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Monday 21 August 2017 3:48

Consider this OP they are all trained as doctors their job is healthcare not office work. So maybe that gap on their knowledge is because they literally are saving lives instead of making files

Vkfan 28

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Monday 21 August 2017 7:11

I was 6 when I learned how to use a photocopier: you put the original on the top and press "print". There's no room for a "knowledge gap"

lexos 16

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Monday 21 August 2017 12:48

Some people or just bad with such things. No matter how many times I help my parents with the pc they simple won't know it anymore the next time they need it