Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML
Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML
Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML
Today, on Christmas Eve, as I was getting my car loaded for the holiday rounds to the in-laws and parents, my car decided now was the time to break down. I recently put in over $1000 fixing it. FML
Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML
Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML
Today, my new job isn't all I expected it to be. It's become clear that the previous girl didn't do her job for 6 months, which means that the international CEOs have gotten involved, and I'm the lucky winner of an in-depth internal audit as a result. FML
flammaefata tells us more.
flammaefata 20
OP here... Woohoo! So there is a bright side to this - my first FML got published! I'll think of all of you next week when I'm being grilled :P And yes, at least I have the benefit of not being to blame for everything that came before me. But that excuse will only last that long, and obviously I intend to be on top of all of this instead of hiding behind someone else's mistakes. Well, back to work preparing for the crazy audit... Btw I'm from South Africa and not USA as it says.
Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML
Today, my soon-to-be ex-husband had the audacity to ask if the woman he cheated on me with could be in the delivery room while I give birth to our baby. FML
Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML
Today, I drove to the beach for an hour to relax before returning to the intense workload of midterms. A kid walking by threw a cracker near me and I was instantly attacked by a group of seagulls. FML
Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML
Today, on my way back from a family trip, my fiancé informed me via text that he'd been cheating on me for years and that he'd moved out of our house and left the state. He blocked me before I could respond. We were together for 7 years. FML
Today, I was trying to finish an English assignment and I was not sure how to complete it, so I emailed my teacher to ask her for help. She told me to… flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML
Today, I realised a second too late why trying to hack a popcorn kernel out from between your teeth with a steak knife is really a bad idea. FML
Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML
Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard cannon. FML
Today, I saw on Facebook that a friend left her job where I also used to work, as she posted a picture of her farewell gifts, including cards, balloons and cookies. Normally, I'd be happy for her, except when I left I was told they'd "stopped doing farewell presents", and as such, I'd got nothing. FML
Today, I was in the shower washing my hair when my hand ran down the shower caddy and in particular, on my razor. If I wasn't woozy from all the blood splatter around the shower - seeing the bone that connects my finger definitely did it. FML
Today, we've hit day 4 with no hot water in my apartment. Today is also day 4 of the office insisting that the plumber is "on his way". My neighbor just got arrested for screaming at them. Looks like we'll be entering day 5 soon. FML
Today, I fainted in the lunch line at school due to extreme period cramps, and ended up having to get seven stitches on my face. This is the third time I've fainted because of my period this year. FML
Today, after weeks of looking for the source of an awful smell in our house, I found out our dog has been climbing over our loft banister, into the attic, and shitting. There were over twenty mounds. It took me almost four hours to clean up, and it still stinks. FML
Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML
Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML
Today, I have a better relationship with the machinery I've given names to at work than my actual coworkers. FML
Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raise after working at a company for 3 months. I'm proud of him, but I've been working at the company for almost 2 years, trying to get to his position. My parents own the company and put him there when they hired him, and now he makes more than me, thanks to their raise. FML
holly_fly tells us more.
holly_fly 34
Hey guys, OP here. Just to explain a little more, he got the position because it's a mechanic one, and he had a bit more experience than me (but only because his dad showed him some basic mechanic skills, and mine didn't... see the problem?) I think part of it also has to do with me being a girl and my parents don't think it's "proper" for a girl to be a mechanic. Anytime I try to talk to them they say "the chance has to be earned", but he obviously didn't "earn" it. As far as the raise, I'm moving upstate soon, so obviously I didn't expect one. We just didn't know they were considering giving anyone one, and I was already having a bad day. It's only a dollar, so it's not a huge deal XD I do work hard though, I was just never given a clear position and was bounced around a lot. That made it kinda hard to show them I could do any one thing well, because I never stayed doing one thing. .-.
Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
