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The all-time greatest FMLs

By comics over coatis - 04/04/2017 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 420

You deserved it 2 576

By Carly4244 - 30/08/2017 01:30

Today, I was the Maid of Honor at my friend's wedding. Months earlier, we had a bitter fight, but she picked out a beautiful dress for me and I thought we were past it. When I began speaking, the lights changed to a weird brightness and my friend snickered. My dress was completely see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 410

You deserved it 542

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 16:00

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 408

You deserved it 437

By Anon - 17/03/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, arriving home with my boyfriend after a night away, we opened our bedroom door to find his younger brother and a girl naked in our bed. She looked at me, looked at him and said, "Ew. Who's that?" She then asked for a pair of socks, because she had, "rank feet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 407

You deserved it 433

By AtLeastWeCan'tHaveKids - 02/10/2017 23:45

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years and I received our results from a DNA test. We're both very interested in history and ancestry, and wanted to see where in the world we both originated. It turns out we have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 407

You deserved it 333

By GildedByVices - 24/12/2016 08:12 - Australia

Today, on Xmas Eve, my eight-year-old and ten-year-old children and I sat down to watch 'Mr. Stink', an Xmas film about a scruffy, stinky tramp. When he first appeared on screen my children both exclaimed in unison, "He looks like you, dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 400

You deserved it 740

College is gross.

By BarefootNoMore - 17/11/2017 06:00 - Canada - Ajax

Spicy

Today, I forgot to wear my shower shoes to my dorm shower. I didn’t think it was a huge deal until I walked in and stepped in something. On closer inspection, I realized that I stepped, barefoot, in someone's jizz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 385

You deserved it 1 625

By Vermont? - 22/02/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, in my AP U.S. history class, we had a very long, very slow discussion about whether or not Vermont is a state. I think I lost brain cells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 383

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 12/01/2017 17:09

Today, I got fired from my first-ever job. Via text. I hadn't even started the first day but I'm expected to drive an hour and a half to my now ex-boss's house to return the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 383

You deserved it 500

Sorry Stuart…

By connor1701 - 27/02/2017 20:00

Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 380

You deserved it 653

By Dirty - 23/02/2017 14:00 - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 378

You deserved it 563

By poopboy - 16/01/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 377

You deserved it 865

By Cinderstar95 - 28/12/2016 09:34 - United States - Schererville

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 374

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 11/02/2017 02:00 - United States - Midland

Today, while BMXing I felt my chain break loose. I only looked down for a split second, and that's all it took for me to crash into a young scooter kid, breaking not only my own nose and elbow, but both his arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 373

You deserved it 1 593

By AkaiKitsune - 02/04/2017 14:34

Today, the cops pulled over and tried to arrest my friends for transportation of a corpse and murder. Just because you find a body in the back of a truck bed, wrapped in a blanket cocoon and apparently unresponsive, does not mean they are dead. I was very much alive, thank you very much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 373

You deserved it 2 424

By Anonymous - 09/07/2018 15:00

Today, my stepson objected to being woken up at almost dinner time. He knows I have PTSD from my 2 tours of duty, so he turned his speakers way up and blasted the sounds of gunfire through the whole house. I hyperventilated and passed out. Little bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 370

You deserved it 384

News to me

By Liav - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 355

You deserved it 1 964

By snowbunny - 12/02/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 352

You deserved it 31 551

Staycation time

By Anonymous - 30/01/2017 14:05 - United Kingdom

Today, £250 of money belonging to work was stolen from my handbag. My boss says I have to pay it back because I'm the one that signed out the cash. There goes the holiday I was about to book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 348

You deserved it 1 048

By LiliK - 04/02/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while suffering from a serious migraine. I have to cook dinner and listen to the singing of two very tone deaf individuals. I'm starting to contemplate sticking forks in my ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 348

You deserved it 601

Strange things are afoot…

By Klepto - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 345

You deserved it 74 143

By Christine - 24/12/2016 17:56

Today I woke up with an extremely bad flu and severe nausea. As I rolled around wanting to die I remembered that 4 days prior, I had hoped to get a cold to skip a compulsary carol service for my Catholic school. Now, on Christmas Eve, I just want to say, be careful what you wish for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 340

You deserved it 1 753

Pipe down

By Hotdogwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 336

You deserved it 427

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 334

You deserved it 1 631

By Brightbulb - 08/08/2017 00:12

Today, I was sent to the ER from work after sharp stomach pains made me double over in pain and nearly faint. They were so severe the Ketamine only took the edge off. After several expensive tests I found out that I will experience these every month for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 334

You deserved it 464

Brightbulb tells us more.

Brightbulb 40

Sunday 6 August 2017 17:08

ummm WOW hi, OP here, that gender indicator is messed up (good one FML staff, still need some work there) I am infact 100% FEMALE. Now that we have my gender clarified, thank you for the knowledge that removal is an option, as I have been told that it was not being as young as I am. It was a severe cyst in my ovary and I was told to essentially "get used to it" because it's going to happen every month until Menopause comes.for me, at which point I can get a hysterectomy. Knowing that it may be an option now I am going to approach my Dr about that. I did not know ketamine was supposed to make me not feel anything, because it did not work that way. When I went to the Urgent Care they rushed me to the ER, who then started looking for infections or appendicitis, but alas it was deemed "severe cramps" and "female issues" by several techs, before I even got the PCOS answer.

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 332

You deserved it 604

Is that it?

By Better not - 25/01/2018 06:00 - United States - Kenai

Spicy

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 328

You deserved it 2 411

Dazed and Confused

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Woodside

Today, I was promoted. I got advice throughout the day from all of management on what I'm supposed to do first thing everyday. Not one was the same as the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 326

You deserved it 510

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 319

You deserved it 2 469

Cost of living crisis

By hiddenplainly - 24/02/2017 16:00 - United States

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 318

You deserved it 1 247

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The Top

The Top

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 801

You deserved it 4 298

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we left the Skype call on all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 748

You deserved it 6 083

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 176

You deserved it 21 425

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 206

You deserved it 8 953

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 842

You deserved it 4 016

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 140