Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Today, I finally found out why all three of my roommates were ignoring me. They like to disinfect everything every time they use it, and I don't. They had a problem with that, so they were hoping that by not talking to me, I'd "notice something was wrong and change." FML
KillerChipmunk tells us more.
OP here! This actually happened a little over a month ago. I'm in student housing, so they got our RA to come and mediate a meeting. Things have gotten much better since then, but it still irks me that a 21, 23, and 24 year old picked up a 6 year old's tactics and thought it was a good idea to just ignore me for about three weeks. Ultimately, I'm not doing much different, just making a bigger show of it when I do clean. I never was gross about anything (imo), I just don't believe in the whole anti-bacterial thing, like wiping down the tv remote and couch weekly, or using Lysol on my bed every morning. To everyone telling me to find new roommates, my lease is up in May, and I'm already looking for new people to live with, but at least things have gotten better since all this happened.
Today, I found my company car wrecked in a ditch. Apparently, leaving it parked on an icy hill all night was a bad idea. I have to pick up my manager from the airport. FML
Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML
Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML
Moving day
Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying, "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML
You what now?
Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML
Trickster
Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML
Moving on
Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML
Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML
Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML
Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML
Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML
Today, I got a spray tan. The lady asked what shade I wanted to be, and joking, I said the darkest. She took it seriously. Now no one can recognize me, and I have work tomorrow. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, my boyfriend had the very expensive watch he got me for Xmas resized. I dropped it trying to put it on and shattered the glass. The warranty won't cover it because of the adjustments made. FML
Splash
Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel, and surprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, so now I have a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML
Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML
Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML
Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML
Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML
Did you smash?
Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML
What's cooking?
Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML
Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML
Surprise!
Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sister's back pocket and squeezed her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML
Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML
Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML
Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML
Today, I was walking hand in hand with my partner when we met a friend of mine and his two kids. We talked a bit, and his son kept staring at us. The boy then asked me: “Is he your dad?” No, my partner is simply 19 years older than me. And my Oedipus complex is fine, thanks. FML
shinay_fml tells us more.
For all I know, Freud's Oedipus complex is the fundamental theory that describes the incestual-like attraction of a boy to his mother, and the resulting rivalry between the boy and his father, based on Oedipus myth. Also, Freud considered since his early work on the concept that there is a feminine Oedipus complex, parallel to the masculine one. However, the definition of the feminine Oedipus complex later evolved, and lost symmetry with the masculine one due to the different reaction of boys and girls to the castration anxiety. Girls, realising they have no phallus to conquer the mother, blame the mother for this, then turn to the father in hope for his phallus and love, therefore start acting like the mother to take her place by the father's side. Boys simply love their mother and fear their father will punish them for this, by castrating them. Finally, the Oedipus complex's principle is the desire for the opposite gender parent in both boys and girls case, simply the feminine version is a bit more tricky. Moreover, Freud's Oedipus complex is nowadays often considered as the primordial theory that describes the incest taboo, involving both genders. As for Jung's Electra complex, it is initially a new terminology to designate Freud's feminine Oedipus complex, as the Electra myth is more suitable for the daughter-father situation. This terminology has been rejected by Freud who considered that it was too ambiguous, because it could imply that masculine and feminine Oedipus complex follow the exact same process, perfectly mirrored, with no supplementary twisted stages in the feminine development. Electra complex is however used in neo-freudian theory where it designates the whole daughter-loves-the-father-and-hates-the-mother thing. Alors, the neo-freudian theory diverge from the original freudian one concerning the feminine Oedipus/Electra complex process. So it is true that Electra complex is specific to this anecdote. Nevertheless, Oedipus complex is still correct as it refers to both feminine and masculine issues with the opposite gender parental figure in Freud's work. N.b., I am not a native speaker, so please forgive me for the possible mistakes.