Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store,... - FML

By foreveralone - 13/11/2012 10:23 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

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Dangling modifier

Messed up

Deep-seated resentment

By Anonymous - 5/5/2012 21:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my husband and I went on vacation. We got lost and had to ask the locals for directions to our hotel. Neither of us could understand their accents, and we ended up wandering around blindly for hours until we made it back on our own. FML

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By stop thief - 26/6/2014 15:11 - United States - Aurora

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

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By Snowflakepandi - 1/9/2017 13:00

Sneaky sneaky...

Today, while on vacation, I found out that my boyfriend moved out. He had claimed that he couldn't come with me because his boss messed up his time off request, and for the last two days he said he'd been "cleaning". FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2020 05:04

Liquid fun

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

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By Milked Richard - 6/2/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

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By Embarrassed daughter.. - 1/2/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

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By coolchicka05 - 6/10/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

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By PiaNO - 10/11/2009 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

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By musicyman55 - 19/12/2009 07:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

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By benander - 15/9/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

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By wo-ow - 6/6/2014 23:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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By Poowee - 18/9/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2019 16:04

Today, despite being the fittest member of my family, with a good exercise routine and a decent diet, I'm the only one who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Meanwhile, the rest of my family are fat, lazy slobs who eat like shit, but are otherwise healthy as horses FML

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By sad45 - 15/3/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2011 17:22 - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2017 02:00

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2015 13:45 - Belgium - Herenthout

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

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By belle_arina - 8/10/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

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By thatisfuckedup - 13/6/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

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By ILoveFML - 29/8/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

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By spideypowers - 5/9/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2018 12:00

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2009 13:20 - United States

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

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By cock sauce - 9/6/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 23:04 - United States

Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML

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By O0hdear - 27/8/2015 17:44 - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

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By anonymous - 16/8/2013 14:05 - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

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By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - 24/8/2012 04:08 - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

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By veebenjoo - 28/6/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 05:52 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By Sarah-grace - 17/5/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 23:02 - United States

Today, my 21 year old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

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By Youalreadyknowmyname - 19/7/2019 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, a guy asked me my name and I told him it's Holly. He then asked if I was "real or a Holligram?" Apparently, The Office is the best, and only place to get pick up lines. FML

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By tiredofthis - 10/10/2012 17:38 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, my roommate set her extremely loud alarm clock for 5am and continued to hit the snooze button every ten minutes until 7:30. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

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By what.....? - 31/8/2012 23:40 - United States

Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2017 20:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

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By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 5/8/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

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By mjbx - 1/1/2012 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML

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Top comments

By VonGore | 6

#5144767 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:05

Ah, the things we do when we think no one is watching.

By thefella | 10

#5144768 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Not sure why you would do that if there was still a chance people would still be shopping in the store.

COMMENTS

By VonGore | 6

#5144767 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:05

Ah, the things we do when we think no one is watching.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5144805 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:14

I'm just wondering why OP felt the need to close her eyes...

Reply

honeybadgerr | 9

#5144859 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:29

Op kind of gave a new meaning to "dance like
Nobody is watching"

Reply

realeah | 4

#5144862 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:29

To imagine Prince Charming, duh!

Reply

Inheritance | 10

#5145101 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:42

#foreveralone

Could've been worse, could've been a bag of fruit or vegetables.

Reply

Whaaaaaat734 | 6

#5145406 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:01

#This isn't Twitter.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5145511 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:58

i don't have twitter sooooooo
#hashtag....sure, lets go with that.

Reply

Karalela44 | 15

#5145924 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 23:23

Like my mad dancing 'skills'

Reply

cookie_3008 | 4

#5146410 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 1:29

Could have been worse... At least you weren't "making out" with the box while you danced...?? Or were you? /=S

By thefella | 10

#5144768 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Not sure why you would do that if there was still a chance people would still be shopping in the store.

Reply

LiyIa_fml | 8

#5144775 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:07

Why not? OP had to entertain themselves by doing something.

Reply

mfischer | 17

#5145077 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:27

You haven't worked in retail, have you?

Reply

boofgall | 16

#5145178 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:58

There's been a few times that I've done an Irish jig while I thought nobody was in the store.

Reply

damn_homie | 2

#5145217 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:01

But closing your eyes though? Lol shouldn't have done that.

By LiyIa_fml | 8

#5144770 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Hopefully you were at least a good dancer.

By Voldy_fml | 16

#5144772 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

That must've been pretty embarrassing! Woah, FYL indeed.

Reply

AzNbABe69 | 0

#5145300 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:26

4 Pretty embarrassing? I'm gonna say that it was extremely embarrassing, yet hilarious at the same time. I'm wondering though, did you think he was your date? Possibly dance partner? Lol

Reply

1Brucie | 2

#5146256 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 0:34

Typical Carlton Banks moment :L

By ks23 | 9

#5144777 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:08

As long as you didn't know the customers dancing with the box is worse. And how long we're you dancing to allow ten customers to line up?

By shadowsorel | 15

#5144781 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:08

That box was quite a gentleman.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#5144787 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:10

Was this a guns and ammo store?

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5145021 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:56

No, it was at a Walmart; she was dancing to "Is This Love" with an empty condoms box.

Reply

cptmorgan6 | 8

#5145061 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:21

A near-empty Walmart?! Blasphemy! Show me this Walmart you speak of.

Reply

peachesncreem | 21

#5146727 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 3:47

Sorry fellas, no Walmarts here in Aus :)

Reply

SirBreaksalot | 9

#5146923 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 6:03

75- it's only a matter of time until they spread...

By trellz17 | 19

#5144789 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:10

This is kinda funny actually. Just hope no one took a picture and posted it on Instagram or something.

Reply

chellyX92 | 8

#5144989 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:39

It might be a MEME soon.

Reply

missalkali | 8

#5145489 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:47

i certainly hope someone took a picture. this more of a hehe moment than a meme moment

By nosybear13 | 7

#5144795 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:11

Lol sorry op fyl but maybe it's time to start dating again...

By kathuzada | 6

#5144798 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:12

Take on me?

Reply

emeraldisle | 30

#5144824 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:16

That is a great song!