Work: Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store,... - FML

By foreveralone - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

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Triage

Good kid

Can't buy me love

By Anonymous

Today, despite filling all the parameters for a model employee and being praised by multiple people over the time I was working, I was fired because a client complained to my manager that I didn't seem to know what I was doing. FML

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By hugedissapointment - United States

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

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By mannnnn2717 - Australia

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gladewater

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

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By Dgama - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

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By CyberHex305

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

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By erlad678

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

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By donguigeek - France

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

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By Hm - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I was sitting in the airport, watching the baggage handlers load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it, one bag came open and all the clothes spilled out onto the tarmac. The clothes looked familiar. They were mine. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

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By dizzy - Malaysia

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

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By Nominome - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

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By Burntintomyretinas - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

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By school issues - United States

Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2021 22:01

Flee!

Today, the family member who molested me for several years as a kid, works as a social worker in the same building where I’m treated for the unresolved trauma they caused. FML

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By brad3720 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

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By annoyed - 12/7/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom - Banbury

Second opinion

Today, after three years of being in physical pain, which affects my health and daily life, I was told it's an undiagnosable condition that I'll have to deal with for a long time, as there are no answers and no fixable solution. FML

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By ... - France

Today, well actually last night, I did a full striptease for my girlfriend to "You can leave your hat on". When the song was over, I was then completely naked, she says to me : "Maybe we should have closed the shutters!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

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By Anonymoose - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

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By justmeagain

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She sent me a link to a story online about a woman who abused her dog to the point of death and I didn’t vomit while reading it. According to her, that makes me a “heartless monster.” FML

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By Jesus - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

Today, I vented to my friend about how unhappy I am and how I want to kill myself. What did she say? "Don't do that." That was it. FML

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By depresso - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

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By DebitDebacle

Today, after my bank sent me a new card because the old one had been compromised, I woke up to find that it's already been used to start an Amazon Prime account and order several movies. The card to replace a compromised card has been compromised. FML

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By Mister_FML - 12/8/2020 08:01

Didn't think it through

Today, I was at my new store, fixing it up. I was about to leave, so I took my clothes off to let the dirty ones dry, as I had other clothes in my car. I walked to the back of my store and the back door locked. The car was locked. I was in my boxers with no phone and no way to go home for 3 hours. FML

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By fastfoodslave - United States - Northampton

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

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By Mylifesintatterssendhelp

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

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By TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

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By NotALady

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

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By kengu - Norway

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

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By ohcrap - United States

Hey there!

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

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By

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

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By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

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Top comments

By VonGore | 6

#5144767 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:05

Ah, the things we do when we think no one is watching.

By thefella | 10

#5144768 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Not sure why you would do that if there was still a chance people would still be shopping in the store.

COMMENTS

By VonGore | 6

#5144767 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:05

Ah, the things we do when we think no one is watching.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5144805 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:14

I'm just wondering why OP felt the need to close her eyes...

Reply

honeybadgerr | 9

#5144859 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:29

Op kind of gave a new meaning to "dance like
Nobody is watching"

Reply

realeah | 4

#5144862 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:29

To imagine Prince Charming, duh!

Reply

Inheritance | 10

#5145101 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:42

#foreveralone

Could've been worse, could've been a bag of fruit or vegetables.

Reply

Whaaaaaat734 | 6

#5145406 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:01

#This isn't Twitter.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5145511 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:58

i don't have twitter sooooooo
#hashtag....sure, lets go with that.

Reply

Karalela44 | 15

#5145924 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 23:23

Like my mad dancing 'skills'

Reply

cookie_3008 | 4

#5146410 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 1:29

Could have been worse... At least you weren't "making out" with the box while you danced...?? Or were you? /=S

By thefella | 10

#5144768 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Not sure why you would do that if there was still a chance people would still be shopping in the store.

Reply

LiyIa_fml | 8

#5144775 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:07

Why not? OP had to entertain themselves by doing something.

Reply

mfischer | 17

#5145077 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:27

You haven't worked in retail, have you?

Reply

boofgall | 16

#5145178 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:58

There's been a few times that I've done an Irish jig while I thought nobody was in the store.

Reply

damn_homie | 2

#5145217 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:01

But closing your eyes though? Lol shouldn't have done that.

By LiyIa_fml | 8

#5144770 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Hopefully you were at least a good dancer.

By Voldy_fml | 16

#5144772 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

That must've been pretty embarrassing! Woah, FYL indeed.

Reply

AzNbABe69 | 0

#5145300 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:26

4 Pretty embarrassing? I'm gonna say that it was extremely embarrassing, yet hilarious at the same time. I'm wondering though, did you think he was your date? Possibly dance partner? Lol

Reply

1Brucie | 2

#5146256 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 0:34

Typical Carlton Banks moment :L

By ks23 | 9

#5144777 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:08

As long as you didn't know the customers dancing with the box is worse. And how long we're you dancing to allow ten customers to line up?

By shadowsorel | 15

#5144781 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:08

That box was quite a gentleman.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#5144787 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:10

Was this a guns and ammo store?

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5145021 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:56

No, it was at a Walmart; she was dancing to "Is This Love" with an empty condoms box.

Reply

cptmorgan6 | 8

#5145061 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:21

A near-empty Walmart?! Blasphemy! Show me this Walmart you speak of.

Reply

peachesncreem | 21

#5146727 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 3:47

Sorry fellas, no Walmarts here in Aus :)

Reply

SirBreaksalot | 9

#5146923 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 6:03

75- it's only a matter of time until they spread...

By trellz17 | 19

#5144789 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:10

This is kinda funny actually. Just hope no one took a picture and posted it on Instagram or something.

Reply

chellyX92 | 8

#5144989 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:39

It might be a MEME soon.

Reply

missalkali | 8

#5145489 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:47

i certainly hope someone took a picture. this more of a hehe moment than a meme moment

By nosybear13 | 7

#5144795 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:11

Lol sorry op fyl but maybe it's time to start dating again...

By kathuzada | 6

#5144798 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:12

Take on me?

Reply

emeraldisle | 30

#5144824 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:16

That is a great song!