Work: Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store,... - FML

By foreveralone - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

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Messed up

Bad news

Public transport FTW

By NewlyChildaphobic - Ireland

Today, I was minding a 6-year old boy. He begged me to take him somewhere. I rang his Mum, and she said I could. He picked to go to McDonald's. He ordered chicken. After his meal, he told me he was vegetarian, and wanted to try some meat while his Mum wasn't around. I got the blame. FML

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By anonymous

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML

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By needs_another_loan - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

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By sadmom - 18/3/2020 05:05

What are you doing here?

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

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By Cyberdeeder

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

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By I_Lossed - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

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By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wheatland

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

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By BluesMan1990 - United States

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

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By littlemiss - Canada - Whitby

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 05:02

Contagion

Today, after bronchitis and a negative COVID test, I finally went back into my classroom for the last day before break. An hour after I got home, a parent contacted me to let me know her child (whom I helped all day) had tested positive and that I needed to quarantine. She thought I would, "want to know." FML

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By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

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By ZittyMii - United States

Today, a friend of mine had a Wii party and made everyone into Miis. My Mii had freckles. I don't have freckles. When I commented on it, she said, "Well, there isn't a zit feature." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

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By moutz - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

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By recordyear - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

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By 1meme129 - United States - Denver

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

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By unprofessional - United States - Portland

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

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By Cheryl

Go, Vegan!

Today, my vegan sister told my kids where meat and dairy products come from, in a very detailed way. They now refuse to eat meat, and want to, "rescue all the poor animals." FML

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By kaynotentirelywrong - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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By Jaden Dubin - 31/7/2020 08:02

Animal Farm

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

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By Ugh - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

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By amy - United States

Douchebag Alert!

Today, my brother bragged about the number of break-up texts he sent this week while driving. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he was dating 3 girls, that he broke up with them over text, that he was texting and driving, or that he's proud of his actions. FML

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By panther of the desert - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

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By m??

Mansplaining 101

Today, as always, my boyfriend is better than me at everything, including skills that I have years of experience with, while he has none. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML

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By PurpleSloth - United States - Tracy

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

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By birthdaygirl - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

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By bitchypast - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

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By yvon la moto - Spain - Madrid

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

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By headache

Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML

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By

Why I did that?

Today, I was trying to shave down there. I'm about 6 months pregnant, and I can't see past my belly. I ended up scaring the crap out of myself into thinking I was miscarrying until my baby kicked and I realized I had just accidentally cut myself with the razor. FML

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By nicchick411 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

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By cheated - United States

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

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Top comments

By VonGore | 6

#5144767 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:05

Ah, the things we do when we think no one is watching.

By thefella | 10

#5144768 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Not sure why you would do that if there was still a chance people would still be shopping in the store.

COMMENTS

By VonGore | 6

#5144767 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:05

Ah, the things we do when we think no one is watching.

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#5144805 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:14

I'm just wondering why OP felt the need to close her eyes...

Reply

honeybadgerr | 9

#5144859 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:29

Op kind of gave a new meaning to "dance like
Nobody is watching"

Reply

realeah | 4

#5144862 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:29

To imagine Prince Charming, duh!

Reply

Inheritance | 10

#5145101 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:42

#foreveralone

Could've been worse, could've been a bag of fruit or vegetables.

Reply

Whaaaaaat734 | 6

#5145406 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:01

#This isn't Twitter.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5145511 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:58

i don't have twitter sooooooo
#hashtag....sure, lets go with that.

Reply

Karalela44 | 15

#5145924 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 23:23

Like my mad dancing 'skills'

Reply

cookie_3008 | 4

#5146410 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 1:29

Could have been worse... At least you weren't "making out" with the box while you danced...?? Or were you? /=S

By thefella | 10

#5144768 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Not sure why you would do that if there was still a chance people would still be shopping in the store.

Reply

LiyIa_fml | 8

#5144775 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:07

Why not? OP had to entertain themselves by doing something.

Reply

mfischer | 17

#5145077 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:27

You haven't worked in retail, have you?

Reply

boofgall | 16

#5145178 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:58

There's been a few times that I've done an Irish jig while I thought nobody was in the store.

Reply

damn_homie | 2

#5145217 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:01

But closing your eyes though? Lol shouldn't have done that.

By LiyIa_fml | 8

#5144770 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

Hopefully you were at least a good dancer.

By Voldy_fml | 16

#5144772 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:06

That must've been pretty embarrassing! Woah, FYL indeed.

Reply

AzNbABe69 | 0

#5145300 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 19:26

4 Pretty embarrassing? I'm gonna say that it was extremely embarrassing, yet hilarious at the same time. I'm wondering though, did you think he was your date? Possibly dance partner? Lol

Reply

1Brucie | 2

#5146256 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 0:34

Typical Carlton Banks moment :L

By ks23 | 9

#5144777 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:08

As long as you didn't know the customers dancing with the box is worse. And how long we're you dancing to allow ten customers to line up?

By shadowsorel | 15

#5144781 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:08

That box was quite a gentleman.

By RedPillSucks | 31

#5144787 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:10

Was this a guns and ammo store?

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5145021 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:56

No, it was at a Walmart; she was dancing to "Is This Love" with an empty condoms box.

Reply

cptmorgan6 | 8

#5145061 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 18:21

A near-empty Walmart?! Blasphemy! Show me this Walmart you speak of.

Reply

peachesncreem | 21

#5146727 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 3:47

Sorry fellas, no Walmarts here in Aus :)

Reply

SirBreaksalot | 9

#5146923 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 6:03

75- it's only a matter of time until they spread...

By trellz17 | 19

#5144789 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:10

This is kinda funny actually. Just hope no one took a picture and posted it on Instagram or something.

Reply

chellyX92 | 8

#5144989 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 17:39

It might be a MEME soon.

Reply

missalkali | 8

#5145489 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 20:47

i certainly hope someone took a picture. this more of a hehe moment than a meme moment

By nosybear13 | 7

#5144795 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:11

Lol sorry op fyl but maybe it's time to start dating again...

By kathuzada | 6

#5144798 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:12

Take on me?

Reply

emeraldisle | 30

#5144824 - Tuesday 13 November 2012 16:16

That is a great song!