The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bridezilla

By NotBridezilla - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 455

You deserved it 898

By Al Staten - 06/12/2016 22:03

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 2 551

By Username - 01/07/2010 04:55 - France

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say "Yes" or "No", instead of nodding your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 451

You deserved it 59 548

By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 450

You deserved it 75 882

By Anonymous - 19/10/2016 10:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 449

You deserved it 2 497

By vishuzzbabe77 - 22/08/2011 06:04 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween costume for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 449

You deserved it 41 674

By Ismellbacon - 29/02/2012 06:29 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 448

You deserved it 29 111

Run away, now

By Anonymous - 15/12/2016 04:50

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 448

You deserved it 1 089

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 14:13 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 446

You deserved it 31 069

By sig - 22/11/2016 13:54

Today, I found out that I'm not welcome at my boyfriend's dad funeral, because his ex-wife has invited herself, and it would be too awkward to explain to his extended family, most of whom apparently don't yet know that he's divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 442

You deserved it 937

By seriouslybored - 17/06/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 442

You deserved it 40 441

By iJehx - 13/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 441

You deserved it 65 985

By Lenny_R - 08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 441

You deserved it 907

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 34 714

By purpletrout - 30/11/2016 06:39 - United States - Lansing

Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 439

You deserved it 1 138

By Anonymous - 14/03/2017 10:12

Today, I had to call out of work due to my house flooding. As if that wasn't bad enough, my boss promptly accused me of lying because "the others from your town made it in today." I didn't realize we all lived together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 439

You deserved it 762

MidnightMusic53 tells us more.

MidnightMusic53 37

Monday 13 March 2017 21:46

I didn't realize my FML was published. It was flooding in my area, I live low to the ground so the rain quickly started to pile up.

One day, maybe…

By PairOfSocks - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Finland - Tampere

Today, one of my friends bought a wedding dress for her upcoming wedding. My other friend intends to propose to her boyfriend, and ordered rings. I too made a purchase: a pair of socks for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 438

You deserved it 1 398

By chelsay05 - 04/11/2016 00:53 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 438

You deserved it 678

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 433

You deserved it 46 036

By argh - 03/03/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 433

You deserved it 32 253

By helprelou - 29/06/2016 22:12 - France - La Chevroli?re

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 430

You deserved it 1 047

By NotSoSexy - 26/11/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 430

You deserved it 30 402

By stuff2710 - 05/03/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 429

You deserved it 48 087

Disneyworld

By onlyme - 25/10/2012 02:36 - United States

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 429

You deserved it 34 811

By Anonymous - 20/09/2012 04:14 - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 421

You deserved it 29 096

By slcbabii23 - 01/10/2009 07:56 - United States

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 418

You deserved it 40 150

By Anonymous - 29/02/2012 16:52 - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 416

You deserved it 33 021

Shit eating grin

By lame - 31/12/2009 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 414

You deserved it 22 028

By sayroshi - 30/06/2016 18:29 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 412

You deserved it 1 335

Heartless

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 17:26 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 412

You deserved it 58 921

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 536

You deserved it 4 604

Today, I got to find out for myself if dying in a dream causes you to die in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 192

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 3 313

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 265

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 847

You deserved it 2 626

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 481

You deserved it 8 793