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To everyone asking, how could I have possibly prepared for this? I can't just teach my son not to through pee bottles and other things out the window. That will give him ideas... But rest assured, no more "grenades" will be tossed :)

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I saw a man dancing to a Britney Spears song in his Volkswagen Beetle. I started laughing hysterically until he got out. He was huge. I was stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 682

You deserved it 36 047

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:16 - Canada

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 569

You deserved it 3 586

By axwound - 27/12/2009 13:04 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 569

You deserved it 29 300

When I ask a coworker for help

By Lewis - 04/12/2018 18:00

I must admit, sometimes I am the coworker...

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 92

By dwood08 - 07/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 044

You deserved it 15 949

By NotRussian - 03/10/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I had a blind date with a really cute guy. Just when I was about to invite him back to my place for a nightcap, he took out a catalog of Russian mail-order brides and asked for my help in picking out the best one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 036

You deserved it 3 453

Bathroom menace

By Shelly - 07/06/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 260

You deserved it 3 456

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 512

You deserved it 36 805

By Demetria - 20/08/2012 22:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I had to go down to the county police department to bail out my kids who thought it would be a good idea to try mugging an ice cream truck driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 535

You deserved it 4 814

By Secretisout - 22/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 428

You deserved it 3 467

By beachbirdbait - 09/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Savannah

Today, I drove to the beach for an hour to relax before returning to the intense workload of midterms. A kid walking by threw a cracker near me and I was instantly attacked by a group of seagulls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 610

You deserved it 512

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 07:22 - United Kingdom

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 908

You deserved it 5 038

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 06:38 - Iraq

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 287

You deserved it 3 706

That's nice, but…

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 18:00

Today, my husband announced the reason he had been working since much is because he had secretly paid off my tens of thousands of student loans. I then had to tell him I'm leaving him for his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 2 611

Oh OK then

By Yeah - 24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 175

You deserved it 17 847

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The Top

Today, I got my very first tattoo. Excited, I sent a picture to my best friend. Her response? "You're joking, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 521

You deserved it 4 499

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 298

You deserved it 2 806

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said, "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 4 507

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 654

You deserved it 11 202

Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 800

You deserved it 611

Today, I was rejected from a restaurant that I wanted to work in during summer break. I asked the reason why I got rejected and the manager told me that I'm not extroverted enough to communicate with customers. I'd applied for the kitchen job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 110