Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Carencro

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51166

You deserved it

7386

Tweet

Share

Trip Advisor says no

Workaholic

This is fine

By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Here I go again

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36922

You deserved it

10052

Tweet

Share

By Nickolas Neffster - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33981

You deserved it

3088

Tweet

Share

By bear - Norway - Bod?

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21872

You deserved it

4347

Tweet

Share

By Fat Arsed Lass - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38394

You deserved it

9457

Tweet

Share

By { o } - United States - Miami

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30463

You deserved it

3694

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40710

You deserved it

22612

Tweet

Share

By caseyj - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31074

You deserved it

4735

Tweet

Share

By thatescalatedquickly - United States - Collierville

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58411

You deserved it

7202

Tweet

Share

By cande - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34817

You deserved it

2498

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20496

You deserved it

52651

Tweet

Share

By Bechara - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62433

You deserved it

4500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 14:08 - Canada - Fort Frances

Living in another world

Today, I played The Sims just so I'd know what it was like to live alone, own a home, and have a well-paying job that didn't slowly kill me from the inside out. It was the happiest I've been in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

867

You deserved it

92

Tweet

Share

By Heartbroken - United States

She's got it going on!

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2330

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By a hex upon your anus, sir - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58217

You deserved it

3241

Tweet

Share

By easyontheeyes1 - 1/5/2020 02:00

Romantic afterglow

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1626

You deserved it

415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48421

You deserved it

4221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/12/2020 15:02 - South Africa

Fun-filled vacation together!

Today, I found out my boyfriend can't swim and we are about to go on a romantic holiday to Zanzibar where all our excursions include water-based activities. His solution is that I just go do them all by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

212

Tweet

Share

By scaredypants123 - United States

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38336

You deserved it

9100

Tweet

Share

By Jill - United States

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49457

You deserved it

4345

Tweet

Share

By Marc - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29966

You deserved it

4298

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27002

You deserved it

2802

Tweet

Share

By duhitskelly94 - United States

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19804

You deserved it

57185

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30311

You deserved it

4043

Tweet

Share

By Jayswizzle - United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39051

You deserved it

4571

Tweet

Share

By NVflood17

Today, there's lethal flooding in the Reno area, with all roads to my work closed and flooded. My boss still expects me to drive through it, in the dark, to work at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7012

You deserved it

440

Tweet

Share

By halebop - United States

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

55575

You deserved it

5150

Tweet

Share

By shit - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29119

You deserved it

1892

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

946

Tweet

Share

By steph - United States

Cropped Out

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all 6 of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3793

You deserved it

253

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31113

You deserved it

2505

Tweet

Share

By MerryDeathmas - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12507

You deserved it

29883

Tweet

Share

By Embarrassed - United States

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15174

You deserved it

46873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1719

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By natalie_sarantos - United States - Marshfield

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21723

You deserved it

3396

Tweet

Share

By nyaahaha - United States

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54031

You deserved it

20646

Tweet

Share

By MistressSuzuka - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38121

You deserved it

2788

Tweet

Share

By MissSmarts - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6957

You deserved it

39480

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30497

You deserved it

13877

Tweet

Share

By Baldy

Polly Want a Wax

Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2595

You deserved it

623

Tweet

Share

By zitroskies - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60691

You deserved it

3024

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By FalaFala | 8

#5514790 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:47

What a retard, seriously. Good riddance.

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5514804 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:52

I don't think you want an idiot helping to raise your child anyway

COMMENTS

By FalaFala | 8

#5514790 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:47

What a retard, seriously. Good riddance.

Reply

mandygrl25 | 18

#5514795 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:49

I heard that and I thought of the Green Day song

Reply

Grauncho | 26

#5514915 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:56

Thank you for that totally relevant post, #3.

Reply

GRgoldfish | 19

#5515178 - Friday 31 May 2013 16:37

my thoughts exactly.

Reply

calipilot227 | 16

#5515269 - Friday 31 May 2013 17:59

I love how girls date assholes and then complain when shit like this happens.

Reply

ironichalibut | 24

#5518649 - Monday 3 June 2013 7:19

Your picture made me laugh. The lack of a caption makes it all the more clever.. That is all..

By Bano360 | 25

#5514793 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:49

Sounds like a moron anyway. Better off without him.

By MsConfusedd | 27

#5514804 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:52

I don't think you want an idiot helping to raise your child anyway

By isallwaysme | 27

#5514808 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:53

dodged a bullet. you.dont need a childish partner. find a mature one.

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5514852 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:07

Yea if she stuck with him he might have ended up hiding from her in a grocery store

By BigMatt803 | 18

#5514809 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:53

You don't want that man even remotely involved in raising a child. Go out and find you a real man.

By Ambient25 | 24

#5514814 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:55

You should be glad that the retard won't get the chance of being looked up to by your kid now

By rita0ral | 8

#5514816 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:55

How do you extra break up w/ someone

Reply

Ajwc101 | 24

#5515569 - Friday 31 May 2013 21:35

Maybe by jumping up and down well screaming "I'm extra breaking up with you now. You made me look stupid!" Seems like something OPs' boyfriend would do.

By ozpunker | 20

#5514817 - Friday 31 May 2013 12:55

Be glad that your child won't have this retard's genes.

By aliciaanomalyyxo | 12

#5514837 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:01

Better off not havin that idiot around your baby, good riddance

By SirTalkaton | 22

#5514842 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:04

Uh... You're better off. This one doesn't sound like the sharpest crayon in the shed if ya get my drift.

Reply

Bakarra | 22

#5514855 - Friday 31 May 2013 13:08

I'm pretty sure you meant the brightest tool in the crayon box...

Reply

saidoh_fml | 26

#5518137 - Monday 3 June 2013 1:31

Or sharpest tool in the shed.