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By sicksicksick - 19/06/2013 17:23 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 677

You deserved it 3 684

By wife of a shithead - 06/07/2012 17:44 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 431

You deserved it 4 800

By wags34 - 22/08/2011 14:57 - United States

Today, I watched my neighbor bring his dogs into my yard to let them empty their piss-pipes and poop-chutes. He does this twice a day. I put a "cut it out" sign up. His dogs peed on the sign and knocked it down. My lawn is a landmine of dog logs and I don't know what to do, besides installing actual landmines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 685

You deserved it 5 788

wags34 tells us more.

wags34 2

Monday 22 August 2011 23:25

Well, I've done everything from asking nicely to letting my dog go in his yard. We live outside the city and you really can't sue for something like this. It's just gonna be one of those neighborhood wars I guess. It's just whenever something so stupid like this goes on you can't help but think FML.

By demaris - 30/10/2010 23:46 - Canada

Today, I was following a makeup tutorial on YouTube. The girl said to apply concealer to any "problem areas" on my face. When I was done, 90% of my face was covered in concealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 339

You deserved it 6 046

By Duped - 27/11/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 508

You deserved it 5 504

Priorities

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I called my mom while she was out of town and confessed how I have been depressed lately and thinking suicidal thoughts. After my long sob story, she took a breath and said, "OK, just make sure you don't forget to take the dogs out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 837

You deserved it 5 698

Crossed Animal

By NotCool - 20/01/2021 01:57 - United States - Midlothian

Today, just like every other day, my mom has prioritized doing chores and chatting with her neighbors above even talking to me. This would be fine, if it wasn't in Animal Crossing. Apparently, a lifestyle video game is more important than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 136

By BunniesOnAcid - 03/07/2012 23:01 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 870

You deserved it 4 143

By just_friends - 27/10/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 375

You deserved it 3 609

That Friday feeling

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I was fired by one of my bosses for doing something the other boss told me to do. I work for a family company. Turns out my bosses are going through a divorce and will do anything to prove the other wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 665

You deserved it 1 969

Mad scientist type

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 04:00

Today, and ever since my dad had to give up his rented office space, he now works on his equations on a big whiteboard where the dining room table used to be. He’s also one of those weirdos who can only concentrate properly without his pants on. The horrors I’ve seen several times already… FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 153

Scheming

By Blood aint shhh - 03/07/2023 12:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 119

By sickkid - 23/11/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 69

By … - 28/06/2012 14:20 - United States

Today, after three months of them dating, I finally met the guy my best friend claims she's in love with. To my horror, she's dating the douchebag that I had a one-night stand with a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 497

You deserved it 6 990

By Shrek's Pubes - 22/05/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 587

By Michelle - 15/08/2011 08:15 - United States

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 224

You deserved it 23 214

By AnnoyedWoman - 17/08/2014 10:19 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I went camping with my husband not too far from our house. We got our tent pitched up, stove ready and roll-out bed out. He then said, "I'm just gonna go for a walk." It had been about an hour before I decided to go find him. He had walked home to play CoD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 484

You deserved it 5 610

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 21:44 - Canada

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year-old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 989

You deserved it 41 844

Creepy

By Fail - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me, talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "So… does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 469

You deserved it 3 124

Get out of my house

By EstefanP - 13/05/2022 14:00

Today, I walked in on my mother-in-law teaching my 11 year-old daughter how to purge herself using a toothbrush. Her logic is that, “If she gets fat, she’ll never get a boyfriend.” She sees nothing wrong, and bitched at me for messing with her future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 03:35 - United States - Brandon

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 061

You deserved it 4 348

By maxus - 19/11/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 934

You deserved it 4 521

By whatthewhat - 18/11/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 239

You deserved it 3 317

Caught in 404pp

By danggit3290 - 03/05/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "You know, I'm looking RIGHT at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 047

You deserved it 89 578

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 075

You deserved it 3 759

By DeeElleGee - 14/11/2009 00:09 - Canada

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 318

You deserved it 6 126

It's for the best

By yesguysgetabusedtoo - 24/05/2013 23:42 - New Zealand - Papamoa

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 643

You deserved it 6 958

By cndpost - 13/11/2009 05:45 - Canada

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 839

You deserved it 42 782

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 21:27 - Canada

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 621

You deserved it 43 171

By Anonymous - 07/06/2012 17:41 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 230

You deserved it 6 732

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The Top

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 650

You deserved it 3 548

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 465

You deserved it 2 171

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 797

You deserved it 2 809

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 787

You deserved it 6 638

Today, there's a guy in my class who I'm very attracted to. I'm hyperconscious of him for that, and I worry about the impression I give. By now though, there have been at least two different eye contact occasions that made it look like I was staring at him when I was NOT, and now I must look like a creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 489

Today, I was in a video call with my boss when my Wi-Fi decided to take a vacation. I thought I could salvage the situation by using my iPhone’s hotspot. But then my phone ran out of data mid-sentence, and my boss got a glimpse of me cursing at my phone while frantically waving it in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 119