Miscellaneous: Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 1 259

29/10/2010 03:17

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 678

You deserved it 8 028

This Charming Man

Mystery

Bro, do you even lift?

Oh, hi

By Fifi - 16/04/2018 05:00

Today, my husband popped out to the hotel gym while I jumped in the shower. After a while I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was him, I cheekily opened the door in my naked glory to be greeted by the maid. I didn’t know do-not-disturb signs aren’t double sided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 3 334

10/01/2012 06:07

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 136

You deserved it 37 679

15/11/2010 21:17

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 415

You deserved it 7 187

Classy Mom

By Meowitzer - 14/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was elected "class mom", even though I didn’t want to do it. I was also handed several envelopes in the hectic school hallway, containing parental cash contributions for the year. I lost several of the envelopes while rushing to my car, and now have to contribute €100 instead of €25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 1 017

17/10/2009 21:08

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 5 051

Legalize it

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 15:01

Today, after arriving, I was told that there will be mandatory drug tests for everybody at my work. Yesterday, I did joints at a friend's party, as it was her birthday. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 332

Quiet night in

By 2 time momma - 23/01/2021 21:58

Today, as a stressed NHS nurse, I tried to take a relaxing bath, except I dropped my book in the water, my candle set my hair on fire, I slipped getting out and may have broken my finger. The noise woke up my 2 kids, so I had to start their bedtime routine over again and I got bath salt crystals in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 145

30/01/2010 18:59

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 078

You deserved it 3 003

Serious times

By GreatBlakWarior - 07/09/2020 08:03

Today, after several unsuccessful job interviews, I'm starting to feel emotionally down as both my mum and myself are out of work due to Covid. I even applied as a call centre agent with a friend that offered training. He got accepted and I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 218

14/05/2019 20:00

Today, a girl came up to me on a club dance floor and said, “Shut up and dance with me,” like the song lyrics, only I fell over on her while dancing, and she dislocated her ankle. I don’t think this woman is gonna be my destiny after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 301

13/04/2017 02:00

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 391

You deserved it 245

18/11/2014 05:35

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 2 926

18/04/2009 08:19

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 510

You deserved it 11 149

26/09/2011 04:29

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 6 002

Somebody's watching me

By ugh - 08/06/2012 04:35

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 254

You deserved it 9 175

11/03/2010 12:50

Spicy

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 349

You deserved it 4 789

Boing!

By nurse - 13/09/2019 02:01

Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 966

28/02/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 684

05/07/2012 15:46

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 568

You deserved it 3 096

11/09/2012 03:13

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 526

You deserved it 7 220

17/07/2009 22:02

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 541

You deserved it 6 947

08/01/2012 17:42

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 200

You deserved it 4 226

15/03/2014 12:21

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 393

You deserved it 9 359

16/07/2011 02:06

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 528

You deserved it 9 100

14/01/2014 21:09

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 064

You deserved it 4 357

02/06/2009 19:10

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 022

You deserved it 6 181

13/07/2019 22:30

Today, I couldn't convince my grandmother that no matter how much she called AT&T, they will not come and fix her dead computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 116

24/01/2010 16:12

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 323

You deserved it 6 908

23/06/2016 12:35

Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 120

You deserved it 1 379

22/08/2019 11:00

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 172

08/02/2012 13:26

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 754

You deserved it 44 641

Do you have an evil twin?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2017 01:44

Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 168

You deserved it 357

18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 549

You deserved it 365

29/03/2011 17:12

Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 709

You deserved it 5 397

26/11/2018 09:30

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 209

07/08/2019 12:00

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 1 609

25/06/2010 07:08

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 932

You deserved it 5 274

19/02/2016 19:00

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 861

You deserved it 1 195

13/04/2017 05:00

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 248

You deserved it 303

20/07/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 416

You deserved it 776

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Top comments

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:32

Mom who still cares isn't the worst thing in the world.

Chickenfoot117 6

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:33

So what? It means she cares about you.

Comments

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:32

Mom who still cares isn't the worst thing in the world.

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Friday 29 October 2010 10:04

You have got a good mom, OP. FHL as you are writing FML about this. Who the fuck modded this?

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Friday 29 October 2010 14:28

that's right!!! she loves you enough to care!!! enough said ...

harryman_bamf 0

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Friday 29 October 2010 14:49

guys. 75 wants attention. ok whore. I'm looking at your pic. happy?

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Friday 29 October 2010 18:16

whore indeed

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Friday 29 October 2010 21:06

block yo mama

tj79 3

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Saturday 30 October 2010 2:03

this isn't a FML! You will miss that she takes up for you when she is gone!

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Saturday 30 October 2010 6:42

75 is probably a 40 yr old man

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:33

and why was your mom on your facebook?? :/

MonkeyBusiness_fml 3

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:22

Maybe she was on his page?

unidentified_sta 5

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:26

>His page OP is supposedly a woman, does not compute Must be a TRAP!

MonkeyBusiness_fml 3

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:39

36 I am glad you can recognize signs for sexes.

unidentified_sta 5

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:46

Re-check, no symbols/signs were used. Instead "text" was used, look into it.

MonkeyBusiness_fml 3

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:57

Wow I see you also can read. You're my idol and I should learn from you right here on FML.

unidentified_sta 5

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Friday 29 October 2010 10:03

>Implying excess sarcasm is witty in the least

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Friday 29 October 2010 11:52

Kids, kids, calm down. It's text on the website and a symbol on the iPhone app.

Jimmy_Sullivan 0

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Friday 29 October 2010 12:04

Mega LOL ;)

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Saturday 30 October 2010 0:54

my mama has a fb...

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Saturday 30 October 2010 8:13

so does my mom... and the rest of my family, but they don't fight my battles for me.

Chickenfoot117 6

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:33

So what? It means she cares about you.

rainbowfailure 2

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Thursday 14 July 2011 2:30

^ Agreed. It is still a good thing that your parents stand up for you-- at least she didn't 'like' the girl's comment.

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:33

What's wrong with that? Would you rather she agreed with the nasty commenter? You're lucky to have a mom like that :)

EmoPolarBearShim 0

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Friday 29 October 2010 16:23

for reals

theycallmeMimi 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 2:16

Agree.

kekeshayeshaye 4

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:37

your lucky she cares. quit complaining

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:38

I hate nosy parents. Too bad mine are nosy too.

yuggi1 11

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:09

You say that now because they care about you. If it would had been the reverse... I'm pretty sure you would wish they paid attention. :[ I dunno, I'll always be mommy's little girl so my views might be different. :P

KiwiExchange 16

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:18

It's okay to have a parent's love and care, but at this point, where he can't even fight his own fights at 20, he's pretty much mama's boy. He has to learn to do it on his own or else he's never going to have experience in dealing with other nastier people.

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:20

It seems to be a woman.

KiwiExchange 16

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:20

she** on all the he's.

SilentScreamer 12

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:21

Op is a girl, Smarty.

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:26

So she's* pretty much a mama's boy? Just kidding.

yuggi1 11

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Friday 29 October 2010 10:14

#35, she might for all we know. xD Maybe she is a tranny.

Bekll 31

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Friday 29 October 2010 10:36

If she were a "tranny"... an ftm, then "she" would've put down male for the sex symbol.

yuggi1 11

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Friday 29 October 2010 10:53

What if OP was born a 'he' but decided to undergo a sexual change? Then 'she' would no longer be a he. Therefore, she would submit this FML as a female. Don't pay much attention to my comment, I was vastly speculating her gender.

maphineRAWRS 10

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Friday 29 October 2010 15:48

wow way to like completley change the subject guys haha :P

Charlotteeexx 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 3:30

we're not nosy we're protecting you. Now get off this site it's inappropriate.

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:39

she loves u

sweet_candy_ 17

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:41

aww that's cute.

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:54

A good mom will fight for you till you are 80. I'll trade if you'd like.

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Friday 29 October 2010 8:57

wow really? that's an fml your 20 and acting like your 16 "mom, stay outta my life". really grow up and realize you are very lucky to have a mom who cares and has your back. If it was my daughter and I saw a nasty message hell yeah I'd tell the bitch to shut up. this isn't a fml or ydi. This is a Grow The Fuck Up.

Butterfly_Dreams 0

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:01

Agreed! It seriously isn't that bad.

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Friday 29 October 2010 9:18

completely agree!

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Friday 29 October 2010 11:01

OP you just got owned!