Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML
Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
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Top comments
heftysmash253 6
Sounds like foreplay isn't his best quali-tea
YumeWolf 23
I love the comparison you made. FYL
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Comments (76)
idefka 34
Tries to make tea*
Iwannarock1 19
He sounds nice.
sturschaedel 27
This analogy works even better since OP is British.
heftysmash253 6
Sounds like foreplay isn't his best quali-tea
noreallywhat 17
Lmao
meli1195 31
your bf is pretty awesome though OP. always good to be able to laugh with the person you're sleeping with.
SecundusSecunda 27
Her boyfriend can't even teabag properly.
SubparAtBest 23
Doesnt seem like foreplay is his cup of tea.
SweetPsycho 13
He tried that's what matters, right?
YumeWolf 23
I love the comparison you made. FYL
ShowMeKay 20
Also love that she's from the UK and used a tea analogy lol
ohSNAPyall 26
As a dry teabag is to a cup of tea, an air hump is to a successful wooing.
ohSNAPyall 26
Meaning that air humping is the first step to any successful woo.
NotGabe 28
This has got to be one of the funniest analogies I've seen on this site.
Dinonick 15
Teabag isn't the only thing that stays dry.
brycemash 9
Wait what's foreplay?
herofaircloth 18
You're either way too young, or you're having terrible sex.
L4T1M3R 5
or hes making a joke lol
jake131000 21
People on this app are typically not naive, they pretend to be stupid by asking naive questions.
Exobadger 15
Sounds like a **** boi OP
greatfirstdate 18
Holy shit, I just realized that my high school boyfriend was, like, pre-fuckboi.
Jackimo98 24
Stop
Paintonmyarms214 21
Hey, communication is good, and if that keeps up then eventually he'll know just how to get you ready. Keep working with him, OP, and don't give up until you've helped him get you from foreplay to ******.