Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML
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Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My parents, with whom I live, told me that they didn't get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML
Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML
Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
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Top comments
FFML_314 11
It's obvious that the day of your birth has driven them to the point of sheer misery, you don't know how to take care of your pets, you're sticking your face in places it doesn't belong and your boyfriend is secretly a homosexual. FYL indeed.
004savage 0
atleast things can only get better right?
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Comments (153)
004savage 0
atleast things can only get better right?
chinito 0
damn well I hope you get a better birthday next year I guess.!
uhhh_awkward 0
#1: Keeping it positive on FML! I like that!! :)
DevianceIsBliss 0
Were the slippers comfortable?
the_flirtt 0
26 is a little too positive...
uhhh_awkward 0
#40: Aw, thanks! That was sweet. :)
Just_Me_143 0
Yes, look on the bright side: Your parents are getting a divorce - that's 2 times the houses, 2 times the fun. And at least your cat remembered. Your boyfriend did too... he plotted with the cat on what to get for you. He got youthe slippers so that you wouldn't step on the cats present :D
ChubbyCake 5
OP be thankful that you are able to live your birthday. You got slippers? Uh, are you Snooki?
FortMinor 0
american parents divorcing, how cliche.
sweet_candy_ 17
68 op is from United Kingdom.
uhhh_awkward 0
Hey #68! Before people totally start ripping you apart for your comment, I just wanted to let you know that the OP is from the United Kingdom. :)
FortMinor 0
sorry kinda new to fml, how do you guys know?
uhhh_awkward 0
Are you on your phone or the computer? On the computer, it should say it right underneath the FML. But some phones (like mine!) don't say specifically where the OP is from or what the OP's nickname is. :)
DevianceIsBliss 0
If you're on your Ipod, it also doesn't show where they are from or what gender they are.
Selena_is_back 7
74, yes it does.
ChubbyCake 5
it also depends what app you are using. My phone it say where the OP is from.
FortMinor 0
so much confusion, I'm on my Itouch well if his from UK then FYL
Sanamach10 0
go slippers!!!!!
DevianceIsBliss 0
Oh well I'm on my ITouch, I use the iFML with the black background because the other one won't let me log into my account. :C
Siji 0
In Soviet Russia, you don't get shit.
EmmyGrangerDC 0
that's a challenge.
pooper191817 0
I can send you a gift
skanksonaplane 0
and so far, no one has yet wished op a happy birthday! (:
stephanie0613 0
I was about too, you beat me to it! Happy BIRTHday Op. Enjoy your slippers :)
ahti546 11
woot slippers!
BaconLover27 1
Lol sorry OP well at least your boyfriend cares :-)
Roxven 4
LOLOLOLOLOL WOW FYL op (:
Shaebug12 0
WTF is FML op???
Kevlar29 0
OP = Original Poster. ie. Person who wrote the FML
uhhh_awkward 0
#58: They know. They write this on almost every FML. Silly Shaebug12. But thanks for looking out for fellow FML commenters, 58. See everybody, if we all work together, we can make FML a better place for everyone! :D
Fortuitous 0
Why are you always so happy and jovial? This whole 'togetherness' attitude is really infectious.
Anglar 5
your happy attitude is really bringing me down.....
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
Eh, IMO, "nice" is overrated, and not much of a personality trait in and of itself. I prefer to be helpful while still reserving my right to be a snarky bitch when the occasion calls for it. It's much more fun than being cheery and optimistic all the time. :}
EvilDoll 7
^agreed overly nice people give me high blood pressure and menstrual cramps
FFML_314 11
It's obvious that the day of your birth has driven them to the point of sheer misery, you don't know how to take care of your pets, you're sticking your face in places it doesn't belong and your boyfriend is secretly a homosexual. FYL indeed.
anti_average 5
I love your comment. XD
Fortuitous 0
Yeah FFML, the FMLs I've been reading today have a lot of that. People need to grow thicker skin. But don't worry, I'm sure the people with a sense of humor will back you up.
DocBastard 38
FFML, your a fukin bitch!! lolololololol!!!1!1one!
Fortuitous 0
anti_average, it seems as though your comment has erased mine. Oh dear. Well, no one has gotten on your case about being an asshole, FFML. Right, Doc? ;)
DocBastard 38
whateva u suck to!!! Sorry folks, it's been one of those days.
renvy 0
LOL. Nice, FFML.
bjrohrich 0
total agreement with doc, damn woman get some friends. oh wait they all ran away from you
fritidsistorefri 0
well... atleast you have a boyfriend! :D
Cupcakeshizz 0
and that her cat knows when her birthday is! that's one very clever cat.
spider63 0
a boyfriend who got her slipper which her cat will most likely shit in next birthday........
Screw_twilight 0
That sucks. But atleast you didnt get in a car crash and turn into this horrible deformed looking thing, making your boyfriend dump you. Just look at the positives :D
Fortuitous 0
Happy Birthday! Well, it's a new year. And with each new year, new memories to make and new places to go. You can only go up from where you are now. The glass if half full, and things aren't as bad as they seem. Wait... I smell fowl play. ;)
Hummbinger 5
I c wut u did thar.
Sorrows 5
Hm, well .. erhm .. Happy birthday.
pimplayer 0
only beacuse it was your bday you think it's a fml? selfish ***** that would make anyone's day suck
ascodevida_fml 0
your life sucks, effectively.
perdix 29
Are you sure the dead bird and the pile of shit aren't really from your boyfriend?
CiaranPM 0
Yeah, the bird, cat, and parents chipped in to buy her a pair of slippers when the boyfriend found out. The cat ran away in fear to inform the parents, who promptly went their separate ways, while the boyfriend strangled the bird and shat on it, thus taking the slippers and offering them as a cover-up present. She then got a rash from the horrifying scene.
SadinSherman 16
And Ms.Scarlet murder him with the candle stick in the library.