The Top

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Bye then!

By SadRoll - 02/06/2022 21:30 - India - Hyderabad

Today, after more than two years of saying that I'm depressed and I need professional help, that my husband always rejects, saying, "You can always talk to me, my dear," he finally said that I'm his biggest problem in life, he's not happy with me, and wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 248

By AceGeek - 22/07/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, I went to see a movie I'd been waiting months for. A couple of women sat down a few rows in front of me with five infants. The infants cried and wailed throughout. I'm not sure I have any idea what was actually said in any of the dialogue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 401

You deserved it 3 175

AceGeek tells us more.

AceGeek 5

Wednesday 27 July 2011 3:36

It was a midnight showing of Captain America. I was not going to bitch them out, because I am not absolutely rude. I was trying to show respect for mothers that have to take care of a child. I am just disappointed that I could not hear the dialogue. Yes, I did get a refund after I explained the situation, and I am going to go see it tomorrow. Hope that clears it up.

She's not wrong

By 19kwhatever - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 369

You deserved it 14 740

By carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 057

You deserved it 4 788

By Harry - 20/07/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 677

You deserved it 3 203

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 285

You deserved it 17 578

By perfecttiming - 06/05/2013 15:25 - United States - San Jose

Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 657

You deserved it 4 677

By notsohappyniece - 02/11/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 943

You deserved it 3 784

By InnocenceBlue - 20/07/2019 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, after I've been nauseous for a week straight, barely eating or sleeping, I was going to see my doctor. She then called in sick and I can't get an appointment for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 125

People don't always get sarcasm

By Martin - 15/03/2021 17:00

Today, my son asked if there was a way to make parenting easier. I sarcastically told him he could be a deadbeat who sees his kid every two weeks. He must have thought I was serious because he broke up with his girlfriend and baby, turned up at my door expecting to have his old room, and told my wife it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 1 205

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 370

You deserved it 22 504

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 154

You deserved it 4 964

By msassy - 19/05/2012 02:46 - United States - Lexington

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 6 845

By a very unlucky dude. - 18/06/2014 06:37 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 209

You deserved it 13 415

News to me

By verycherryfucked - 28/04/2013 22:10 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 280

You deserved it 3 586

By stuckwithafamilyofcunts - 27/04/2013 20:23 - Spain - El Puig

Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 675

You deserved it 3 684

By observant - 15/05/2012 14:24 - United States

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 966

You deserved it 2 429

Fundies

By CatOwner - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 285

You deserved it 3 387

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 638

You deserved it 9 930

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 157

By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 051

You deserved it 5 619

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 796

You deserved it 5 220

I swear

By maharaja - 06/08/2019 12:00

Today, multiple people informed my girlfriend that I’m cheating on her. I’m not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 135

By Screwed - 07/06/2014 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 443

You deserved it 15 826

Brain bleach please

By unashamed - 05/06/2014 08:11 - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 350

You deserved it 4 771

By Lauren - 08/09/2010 23:13 - Australia

Today, a little girl asked me how I could be so fat and still have small boobs. Great question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 645

You deserved it 8 147

By Anonymous - 02/06/2014 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 522

You deserved it 4 577

By davidthegreat - 05/07/2011 08:27 - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 912

You deserved it 5 927

Free advertising

By Hidingforever - 18/06/2022 12:00

Today, I accidentally joined my Zoom class meeting with my cam girl account. The whole class now knows what my breasts look like, and know that my nickname is “CumKitten.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 2 125

By bhnja_ - 18/04/2013 20:34 - Philippines - Mandaue

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 403

You deserved it 3 868

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The Top

Today, I felt an itch on the small toe of my right foot and brushed away what I thought was a large flake of dry skin without thinking. Turns out my entire toenail fell off. According to my mother, the same thing occasionally happens to her "for no apparent reason". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 947

You deserved it 177

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 943

You deserved it 624

Today, my boxing trainer texted me, "You don't know shit about boxing" then blocked me on Instagram, all because I said Tyson Fury vs. Dillian Whyte was a trash, lackluster fight on my story. This is the same trainer who said I have good boxing skills and show potential. Sorry for my opinion I guess? FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 166

Today, I left my old job and started my new one, which came with a hefty pay raise and better benefits. Previously, I was a lab analyst performing research, which required a college degree and several years of work experience. Now, I'm a gas station manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 161

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 158

You deserved it 13 449

Today, I found my neighbors' cat that had bolted after surgery. Its surgical collar had gotten caught when jumping a fence. It's been 15 hours. I can still feel the life leave its body as I tried to save it. I still see the look on the young daughter's face as she ran out to find me holding her lifeless cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 84