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By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 14:05

Today, I finally hit rock bottom when I broke down in tears because I forgot to feed my cats in Neko Atsume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 701

Jeremy?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 22:00

Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 269

Creepy but funny

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 894

You deserved it 3 113

Jumpy

By tgstreaks - 23/04/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 921

You deserved it 91 067

Speak your brains

By ValerieRolle - 28/04/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, one of my co-workers, who I secretly hate, announced she and her husband were expecting. She's rather big. Without thinking, I said, "How did he manage to find your vag under those fat rolls?" I got placed on suspension and now have to attend a training on sexual harassment in the workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 3 986

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 01:20 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 230

You deserved it 3 863

By rachelllynne - 09/05/2013 17:44 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 877

You deserved it 3 155

Give it to me, Sheldon!

By oh lord - 27/05/2012 16:06 - Canada - Oshawa

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 615

You deserved it 16 995

By bridetobe - 22/07/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 646

You deserved it 4 864

Cool

By indi1011 - 20/04/2009 12:21 - Australia

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out." He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 149

You deserved it 25 538

It's not a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 3 829

By boblaj - 22/05/2012 16:11 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 885

You deserved it 4 041

By adamclmns - 16/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 273

You deserved it 15 221

Such a narc

By hatetheroommate - 16/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 800

You deserved it 130 374

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 23:53 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 011

You deserved it 5 857

As a treat

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I decided to snack on some M&M's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my M&M's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the M&M off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an M&M. It was a dead beetle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 911

You deserved it 60 112

Thanks for the pranks

By jellybeans - 21/03/2021 21:31

Spicy

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 711

Classic

By Stooped - 25/03/2021 14:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I paid my long-distance boyfriend of 4 years a surprise visit. I entered his house and he got irrationally angry, asking why didn’t I tell him beforehand. Moments later, a female voice yelled, "Babe come back to bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 244

By ManInPain - 12/07/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 164

You deserved it 4 913

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 04:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 707

You deserved it 15 444

By jaquie0812 - 12/06/2014 16:37 - United States - Longview

Today, my two cats decided to have a brawl on top of me. I was just trying to get to sleep. Now I'm covered in scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 246

You deserved it 6 674

jaquie0812 tells us more.

jaquie0812 13

Friday 13 June 2014 6:31

To shed light on what happened. We found a kitten in the woods by our apartment and are currently fostering it till we can find a new home. (might keep it if my kitten will accept it) my kitten is not happy with this and has been swatting at the kitten. He was asleep with me in my room when the other kitten got in and since it is very affectionate he claimed right up which made pooter (my kitten) mad and attack. the scratches weren't that bad and they are both OK. Hopefully they start getting along soon. love the cat puns they are purrrfect.

By just me - 13/05/2012 18:54 - Germany - Overath

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 212

You deserved it 3 486

By love4cheese1197 - 02/08/2019 20:00

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 253

By UHLSucksSTL - 06/10/2016 15:50 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 328

You deserved it 771

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 581

You deserved it 2 326

I can't unsee it

By meikd423 - 10/09/2010 16:36 - France

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 958

You deserved it 4 573

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 4 142

Chris Hansen time

By lloydLO - 24/10/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 182

You deserved it 13 652

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 340

You deserved it 25 456

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 257

You deserved it 5 183

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Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 889

You deserved it 1 077

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 814

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 201

Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 285

Today, I borrowed my adopted mom's laptop and found out that either her, my dad, or both of them, have been trying to research legal ways of un-adopting me and giving me back to the foster care system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 135

Today, I was uninvited to a family reunion because I’m the result of my mom’s affair while she was married to her husband, who raised me as a dad for 22 years before we found out. According to my aunts, uncles, and cousins who I grew up with, it means I’m not really family anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 82