Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing...

By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, my mom proudly told me that she found the perfect thing to combat my B.O. Extra strength degreaser. FML

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1224

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Late term

Bad news

The end of the road

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32086

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9997

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By Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - United States - Sparks

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35267

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3606

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By ausmill12 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29560

You deserved it

5169

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By poorbeauty - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13292

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2712

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By oops... - United States

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57244

You deserved it

20007

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28874

You deserved it

6613

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26963

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19683

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By Belgian girl - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5260

You deserved it

692

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By Heartbroken - United States

She's got it going on!

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2330

You deserved it

206

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By Anonymous - United States - Edison

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48307

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3511

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Alfreton

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50932

You deserved it

3901

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By Immaculatedream - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64058

You deserved it

4569

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By okeythen - United States - Orlando

Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56131

You deserved it

3923

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By still learning - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25939

You deserved it

7904

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By joshualover - United States

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9484

You deserved it

28238

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By LifeSucks

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3951

You deserved it

192

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By Stormy - United States

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45942

You deserved it

13944

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By callerid - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54332

You deserved it

3758

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By RoseRodent - United Kingdom - London

Today, I dropped my daughter off at a concert where she was performing and went to look for parking. I got caught in freak traffic and it took me an hour to get back there. I missed her act. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14625

You deserved it

1506

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By NeverGonnaGetAny - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67489

You deserved it

23741

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By Mortified - 31/3/2020 14:00

On the can

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1665

You deserved it

164

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By NotKeithRichards - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12227

You deserved it

28541

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Rosa Beach

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45751

You deserved it

4274

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By LucklessNiceGuy - United States

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30185

You deserved it

41671

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By jobless - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33565

You deserved it

2500

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By Anonymous - United States - Champlin

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16632

You deserved it

29139

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By CreeperKiller2000

Dude! Come on!

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3992

You deserved it

1158

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By Boobs McGee

Today, I should probably throw out my old, torn dress as my boob popped out to say hello to a passing car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8922

You deserved it

2722

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By wowawesome

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1451

You deserved it

328

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By Screwed - United States

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

I agree, your life sucks

216648

You deserved it

30274

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By Anonymous

But he's only 5

Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1659

You deserved it

673

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By littleman - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31347

You deserved it

2969

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Just love!

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1957

You deserved it

493

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By StinkyDogs - United States

Today, on the way home from the dog groomer, my great Dane had a bout of diarrhea in the car. I slammed on the brakes and my other freshly shampooed dog slid off the seat and into the pile of crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33612

You deserved it

11208

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By Anon - Australia - Brisbane

At the top of desire

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2047

You deserved it

351

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By Danny

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married and has been for 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3006

You deserved it

256

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By lulabell - United States

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16216

You deserved it

43825

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By Amb - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39931

You deserved it

6163

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By Jekyll - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

796

You deserved it

1200

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By Anonymous

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3423

You deserved it

199

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7838217 - Friday 30 August 2019 6:46

Sounds like you have BBO -- Beyond BO!

By wmayrhofer | 18

#7838315 - Friday 30 August 2019 10:21

read the warnings, that stuff can give you skin cancer

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7838217 - Friday 30 August 2019 6:46

Sounds like you have BBO -- Beyond BO!

By wmayrhofer | 18

#7838315 - Friday 30 August 2019 10:21

read the warnings, that stuff can give you skin cancer