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By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 14:05

Today, I finally hit rock bottom when I broke down in tears because I forgot to feed my cats in Neko Atsume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 699

By Briscuit - 01/06/2012 21:05 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 279

You deserved it 2 009

Briscuit tells us more.

Briscuit 24

Saturday 2 June 2012 6:54

2- My mother did eventually understand you can get it while still being a virgin. She thought the doctor was covering for me so I wouldn't have to tell her I was sexually active. When we got home we looked up articles and I proved it to her. Either way, I'm still going to be in a crap load of pain when these puppies burst if they decide not to remove them...

Ghost town

By TheL1nds - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Kingswood

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the "fake me" got more birthday greetings than the "real me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 616

You deserved it 28 428

Mood ruiner

By Sirah90 - 07/05/2013 07:29 - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 278

You deserved it 13 495

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 017

You deserved it 5 026

Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 336

You deserved it 27 456

By skyhawk13 - 30/10/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 129

You deserved it 53 930

Thanks for the pranks

By jellybeans - 21/03/2021 21:31

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 703

Classic

By Stooped - 25/03/2021 09:00 - United States

Today, I paid my long-distance boyfriend of 4 years a surprise visit. I entered his house and he got irrationally angry, asking why didn’t I tell him beforehand. Moments later, a female voice yelled, "Babe come back to bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 238

By love4cheese1197 - 02/08/2019 20:00

Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 251

By UHLSucksSTL - 06/10/2016 15:50 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 767

By MiserableMan - 10/06/2014 04:02 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 236

You deserved it 12 277

By picklet - 12/05/2012 14:36 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 178

You deserved it 4 547

By mybossisanass - 23/04/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 103

You deserved it 4 712

I can't unsee it

By meikd423 - 10/09/2010 16:36 - France

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 953

You deserved it 4 572

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 22:09 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 244

You deserved it 3 392

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 339

You deserved it 25 450

By JimmySmoothBeans - 21/10/2009 12:15 - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 412

You deserved it 3 501

Every home should have one

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that if I'm not home and my roommates have girls over, my room is the designated "fart room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 887

You deserved it 4 594

By tbalboa - 01/07/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 769

You deserved it 3 292

By Twinner - 20/10/2009 19:03 - Canada

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 195

You deserved it 4 697

Boing

By lily - 18/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was about to kiss my boyfriend in a courtyard when a soccer ball hit me in the head, hard. My boyfriend remarked that it made a "hollow sound" when it hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 199

Ungrateful!

By lifesabitch2016 - 24/05/2014 06:23 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 548

You deserved it 5 526

Health drive

By AliKate - 17/08/2019 14:01

Today, my father has finally started to focus on his health to reduce his weight and cholesterol. He has also decided that I'll do it with him. Now, he won't let me eat unless he's there to watch me. He leaves at 7 a.m. and doesn't come home until 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 210

By SoreNips - 12/04/2013 23:57 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 505

You deserved it 13 999

As a treat

By Username - 28/06/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 109

You deserved it 4 733

Kinda sus

By ashlee - 31/08/2010 18:07 - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 598

You deserved it 4 661

By toothbreaker - 21/08/2019 16:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 283

Sex is out the window

By dfhgblsf - 05/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about five minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom, so we stopped and she left the room. After waiting around ten minutes, I decided to check if she was OK. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 768

You deserved it 36 632

Keep walking

By Anonymous - 08/04/2013 22:06 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 540

You deserved it 4 780

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The Top

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 401

You deserved it 103 296

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 742

You deserved it 8 631

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 153

You deserved it 3 240

Today, my 35 year-old son accidentally texted me a dick pic that was meant for his Tinder date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 219

Today, I came to the unpleasant realization that my friends only keep me around because I’m nice, know when to keep my mouth shut, and am willing to listen to them vent. In short, I’m the therapist friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 173

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 677

You deserved it 4 165