Love: Get away from me

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 151

You deserved it 7 961

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Same thing different taste

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 859

You deserved it 6 046

Mr. Smooth

By funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 474

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 433

You deserved it 22 874

Charming

By Anonymous - 27/09/2024 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was on a date, everything was charming and fun, so I went in for a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, and I ended up kissing her ear. We both went on to pretend that it didn’t happen, but the silence was deafening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 110

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 38 448

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 959

By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 824

You deserved it 3 657

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 276

By 0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 695

You deserved it 43 472

By anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 6 641

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:23

Mmm. Kinky. Though I'm more of a traditional kinda guy. I only let them break a finger or a toe on the first date.

LilKonvicted 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:11

WATHEHELL?

Comments

narks 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:08

maybe she meant, she wants to play rough first?

DemonicFatty 2

Tuesday 10 August 2010 8:41

...the ****

YtotsDI 0

Monday 2 May 2011 5:51

o.o"

LilKonvicted 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:11

WATHEHELL?

Lancerman7449 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 4:58

tht came outta no where. u prolly wernt expectin tht lol

zezjo 3

Monday 26 April 2010 22:47

muffin face!

AA357 0

Sunday 16 May 2010 18:05

In Soviet Russia, collarbones break YOU.

capslockisgood 19

Thursday 20 September 2012 13:25

158 - Breaks your collar bone?

cwl727 32

Thursday 20 March 2014 19:56

Just get up and walk away.

straywander 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:11

you were first indeed. this confuses me.

rachelbrianna25 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:16

lol.............. ummmmmmmmm wow. run boy run!

WellThatSuckz 14

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:18

Run.now.

Jasper_fml 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:22

wow. there are some ..interesting.. people out there..

lexa1love 16

Thursday 28 June 2012 19:25

When guys hit on me at the bar I usually say something insane and creepy to get them to back off. Maybe that was her motivation?

Ugi 26

Friday 4 January 2013 17:18

But it sounds like _she_ was the one making the move!

Blanadestroyer 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:22

Consider yourself lucky she didn't want to break your boner instead, with or without the seductive voice...

Jimboom 11

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:23

Mmm. Kinky. Though I'm more of a traditional kinda guy. I only let them break a finger or a toe on the first date.

kiss_1214 17

Sunday 12 February 2012 21:39

Full metal alchemist. Awesome

stonerchu 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:25

You can have retaliated by saying "well I want to break your pelvis"

A83_fml 18

Wednesday 8 July 2009 21:26

# 10, 10 points!

quelbaby 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 12:16

haha LOL!!

chunkymunky666 0

Monday 28 February 2011 4:00

win

tellithowitis 13

Sunday 8 May 2011 6:49

whaaaa

Bhetti 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:31

#9 WIN. My kinda guy.

Keywords

Love Christmas Break-ups Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable Work You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

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I agree, your life sucks 31 104

You deserved it 3 100

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I agree, your life sucks 31 025

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I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 237

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I agree, your life sucks 1 818

You deserved it 198

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I agree, your life sucks 26 607

You deserved it 1 790

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 312

You deserved it 5 663

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I agree, your life sucks 41 914

You deserved it 3 421

Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 346

You deserved it 3 776

Get away from me

Same thing different taste

Mr. Smooth

Charming

Joe Smooth move

Awww, my feefees

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