By mud - United States - Raleigh

Slippy!

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1810

You deserved it

574

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Out of it

Fairytale ending

By IMAWAKE - United States - Romulus

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39095

You deserved it

3828

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39256

You deserved it

14296

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Union

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47273

You deserved it

8069

Favorite

By Z - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49748

You deserved it

14243

Favorite

By nopissleft - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47897

You deserved it

2905

Favorite

By Airhead - Canada

Today, my guidance counselor told me that I did a really good job playing someone who was really airheaded in my school's play. I wasn't trying to act like an airhead, the director told me that I got cast for the part because the character I was playing was "just like me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26784

You deserved it

6650

Favorite

By Therunawaymoh

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3450

You deserved it

315

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Stay classy

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48558

You deserved it

3761

Favorite

By isuckatlyfe - United States

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42811

You deserved it

5784

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30243

You deserved it

7557

Favorite

By Stinky. - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25601

You deserved it

2727

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29455

You deserved it

2076

Favorite

By morningbirdie - 20/9/2020 14:01

Drunk level: 2000

Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1091

You deserved it

Favorite

By "Jam2019"

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2071

You deserved it

224

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49093

You deserved it

21121

Favorite

By guamfml - Guam

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

212011

You deserved it

10898

Favorite

By StellaSanguina - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35286

You deserved it

6754

Favorite

By I’m screwed

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1740

You deserved it

2657

Favorite

By jackie89 - United Kingdom - Redruth

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57399

You deserved it

7427

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got trapped in a glass elevator at the mall. My father walked right by the elevator, laughed and went into a store. A fireman got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35739

You deserved it

3399

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6873

You deserved it

50875

Favorite

By confused - 12/6/2020 02:06

Can't win

Today, I was told by my wife that she was moving in with her mother, because I was causing her to have panic attacks. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs a few months to herself. I have given her her way for most of our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1444

You deserved it

270

Favorite

By Uh oh....

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1025

You deserved it

2646

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47889

You deserved it

4708

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Prince George

Naughty girl

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1858

You deserved it

460

Favorite

By gotta_respond - United States - Piscataway

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32437

You deserved it

3361

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to evening Mass. I later found that sometime between entering the church and receiving Communion, someone had snatched my iPhone straight out of my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29176

You deserved it

5350

Favorite

By aranya - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56504

You deserved it

3852

Favorite

By - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2821

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2021 11:01

Desperate

Today, I got broken up by someone I wasn't even sure I wanted to date in the first place. He also made me realize how little self-respect I have right before dumping me. This is the best thing to happen in my love life in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

639

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By hard - Canada

Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45546

You deserved it

5782

Favorite

By Forgotten - Canada

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43152

You deserved it

28543

Favorite

By embarrassed - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51159

You deserved it

12603

Favorite

By Mike - United States

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15078

You deserved it

54525

Favorite

By BoldMoveCotton - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11908

You deserved it

1967

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29691

You deserved it

4209

Favorite

By TheOtherWoman - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39906

You deserved it

12755

Favorite

By fuck you, bitchcake - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41222

You deserved it

3758

Favorite

By dislocated

How romantic!

Today, my boyfriend dislocated my jaw by sitting on my face while trying to fart on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5571

You deserved it

843

Favorite

By catdog552 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36860

You deserved it

2584

Favorite

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Top comments

By ahabsfan | 14

#7863016 - Friday 29 November 2019 11:08

YDI for wearing white after Labour Day. It’s known as Kardashian’s revenge.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7862960 - Friday 29 November 2019 5:45

Did you show people your fml submission as “proof” you didn’t shit yourself?

COMMENTS

By bloopaloop | 27

#7862960 - Friday 29 November 2019 5:45

Did you show people your fml submission as “proof” you didn’t shit yourself?

By ahabsfan | 14

#7863016 - Friday 29 November 2019 11:08

YDI for wearing white after Labour Day. It’s known as Kardashian’s revenge.

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7863098 - Friday 29 November 2019 21:01

Why didn't you run home?

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7863146 - Saturday 30 November 2019 0:52

Have you heard of Murphy's Law? Because that's what happened.

By Cody Engelke | 11

#7866013 - Wednesday 11 December 2019 2:48

Jeez this had me dying laughing.... HELP