Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It... - FML

By Ibrowtheedge - 16/8/2018 20:30

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

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Billy no-mates

Breaking Badly

This is fine

By Katrina641 - 26/2/2010 04:20 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

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By Epithymia - 15/8/2016 15:09 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

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By Morgannaken - 31/10/2009 17:45 - United States

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

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By banananana - 25/9/2019 20:00 - Switzerland

Gag reflex

Today, my dentist applied a paste on my teeth to make them more resistant. It tasted so disgustingly like artificial banana that I had to throw up. I'm not allowed to brush my teeth, drink or eat for 4 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

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By 3peeps - 30/12/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

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By dpl - 19/2/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML

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By jonchavez - 29/5/2014 23:46 - United States - Trenton

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

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By ReluctantAntEater - 21/8/2014 21:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

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By pixiebubz - 6/10/2011 03:59 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

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By bubblebuttfuckfart - 13/10/2012 17:32 - Ireland

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

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By - 24/1/2020 18:00

Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

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By crash and burn - 1/12/2016 09:41 - United States

Today, I moved states to be with my soulmate in our new condo. It was also the day I took out a neighbor's balcony with my U-Haul. FML

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By Not true - 18/7/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 10:14 - United States

Today, I found out through his Facebook update and a text message that my fiancé demoted me to girlfriend status. I was sitting in the next room. FML

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By bananamuffin - 30/3/2012 19:13 - United States

Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML

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By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

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By gotta euthanize em all - 29/11/2014 19:45 - Canada

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

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By goodstudent - 9/8/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

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By pinecones - 2/2/2015 14:25 - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

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By a very unlucky dude. - 18/6/2014 06:37 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

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By nthor - 11/3/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

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By apav - 11/6/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

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By ladeda - 7/3/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror and she quickly excused herself. That was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

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By jj4320 - 17/9/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 17:07 - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I'm being admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion. Why am I exhausted? For spending 12 hours at the hospital while my sister gave birth. The same hospital I'm being admitted to. FML

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By drewB - 12/8/2019 10:00 - United States

Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML

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By MrDisgrace - 17/9/2017 13:00

Today, my mom bitched me out in front of my friends because I had my first kiss at "such a young age". She's 15 years older than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2012 15:09 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2014 07:01 - United States - Whittier

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am, when the guy in the show I'm watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

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By Sam - 24/6/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2020 05:00

Beautiful

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

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By fatass - 20/4/2015 17:01 - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

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Top comments

By DMA | 11

#7677870 - Thursday 16 August 2018 20:51

Welp, time to shave them both off and start from scratch.

By ajh1800 | 25

#7677893 - Thursday 16 August 2018 21:45

I just wanna know what happened to your left eyebrow and what THAT one looks like...

COMMENTS

By DMA | 11

#7677870 - Thursday 16 August 2018 20:51

Welp, time to shave them both off and start from scratch.

By ajh1800 | 25

#7677893 - Thursday 16 August 2018 21:45

I just wanna know what happened to your left eyebrow and what THAT one looks like...

By chosha_fml | 25

#7677907 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:26

Drunk DIYs are never a good idea.

By nevereyes | 31

#7677927 - Thursday 16 August 2018 23:13

Just shave them both off, eyebrows look better drawn on anyways

By boopingsnoot | 23

#7677994 - Friday 17 August 2018 2:37

Adam Savage sucessfully proposed to his now-wife after burning an eyebrow off on Mythbusters. Life isn’t over!

Also, when someone asks what happened, just say that they “should see the OTHER guy!”

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7678032 - Friday 17 August 2018 5:44

Whoopi Goldberg hasn't had eyebrows for years. And she was in Star Trek: TNG! Eyebrows are overrated. And over-eyes.

By Chazzster | 20

#7679056 - Sunday 19 August 2018 6:38

OP, Unless you had a seizure, exactly how do you shave off half an eyebrow? If you had a seizure then it’s a real FML.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7679064 - Sunday 19 August 2018 7:23

Well, shave the left one off too and you'll have two good-looking eyebrows.