Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML
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Today, and for the past week, my apartment has had a terrible smell, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. After tearing the place apart, I discovered the culprit: an old banana peel in my purse. I’d been carrying it around with me everywhere, including to work, and on a date. FML
Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML
Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to wait at my new place for some furniture to be delivered. When I got the notification on my phone, I checked the cameras and saw her pressing her sweaty armpits against multiple surfaces. When confronted, she said she was using pheromones to “mark her territory.” WTF? FML
Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
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Top comments
hotshot2626 9
Am I the only one wondering how someone goes about conditioning another person to be turned on by the smell of bananas?
CrissyyyS2 22
Bananas for bananas, makes sense.
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Comments (128)
DogStew 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
your girlfriend? :-/
RussianFox 13
1- Did that just crush your hope of getting with OP?
sarahshanghai 9
Why don't we reread the FML shall we?
Girreth 7
Actually, I think it was supposed to be a guess of whose co-worker it is.
CrissyyyS2 22
Bananas for bananas, makes sense.
Brenda37 13
OP must find the smell of his coworker's bananas very appeeling.
AugustBurnsToast 14
Just for kicks, he should now condition her to get turned on by the smell of tacos.
AKGirlinSD 20
30, which kind of tacos?
AugustBurnsToast 14
The Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell, which they're giving out for free tomorrow :p
AKGirlinSD 20
Well let's hope OP gets your advice in time. Honestly, this situation reminds me of George, on Seinfeld, when he mixed food with sex. Every time he ate anything, he was turned on.
dashizam 10
Wait, free tacos!?!? I
sgidey10 4
They have banana perfumes?
Knightchaser27 25
64-I think the coworker just eats five bananas a day.
AKGirlinSD 20
46, yep! My neighbor and I just got back from having our free tacos. They were yummy!
marina_xo 9
Well aren't you in a slippery situation!
a_commenter 3
you'd have to be completely bananas to think that was a good pun
TourettesGuyFTW 25
yeah, you were just a-skin for trouble!
MissMae93 23
Unfortunately 29, the "skin" of the banana is more commonly referred to as the "peel", therefore your pun makes zero sense.
boarderlyne17 8
Sorry you peel that way.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Nevertheless, you knew that by 'skin' I was referring to the peel, so it clearly made sense to you.
MissMae93 23
70 - Made sense? Perhaps a tad. Funny? Not at all.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Go eat a banana
hotshot2626 9
Am I the only one wondering how someone goes about conditioning another person to be turned on by the smell of bananas?
annie_nk 22
Google Pavlov's dog experiment. Same basic concept.
angelofsaturn 23
#4 maybe she holds a banana under his nose while he sleeps and rubs his **** a little bit or has sex with him while eating banana candy. it's kinda along the same lines of me hating the smell of old spice.
Drigr 9
You hate the smell of old spice cause someone used it to get you off while you slept?
dbss11 3
it's called classical conditioning, and yes you should look up Pavlov's dog experiment it's pretty interesting.
TcheQ 12
Your wife wears it ? :S
Bekll 31
I was thinking she wore banana scented perfume whenever she wants to seduce him.
AKGirlinSD 20
4, I was wondering that too. Why bananas out everything she could choose from? And why is the girlfriend conditioning her boyfriend without asking for his consent first? What else is his girlfriend secretly doing to him? So many questions yet I might never get answers lol.
CharresBarkrey 15
26 - asking his permission would completely ruin her "experiment"
Drigr 9
If they worked and my gf was secretly slipping little blue pills into my food, I'm not sure I would complain... Assuming she would help me out with it.
madskittlesftw 5
Or for more entertainment you can go watch the episode of "The Office" where Jim trains Dwight with mints. (Same basic concept right?)
lollovelife0304 3
Take psychology 101.
melimeli628 10
basically she involves bananas while in foreplay, or in other sexual moments. or teases him while eating a banana. so subconciously now whenever he sees a banana he thinks of his gf and gets turned on. my bf is the same but with apples. lol.
saderboi41 10
Classical conditioning. Quite interesting and easy if you know what you're doing.
fucking_dev 2
I'm guessing she makes him smell bananas before they have sex or he gets head .. only logical way to condition a man for that .
RubenTheGreek 8
Easy, do a joke about a banana when you want sex, keep doing it for fun again and again until you get results. Kind of disturbing that I know this.
splashcat 3
You introduce the fragrance when arousing the person... the same way you teach a dog that a bell means food.... searchPavlovs dogs...
ImYoursAlways 3
So is she training you to be a monkey boyfriend or what.
EllyMo 15
How the hell did she manage to do that?!
CharresBarkrey 15
Ever heard of Pavlov? Google his name and you'll find some very interesting experiments.
gc327072 30
Well, every time she peels a banana, they subsequently do it, so eventually your subconscious mind associates bananas with getting it on, which thus results in being aroused at inopportune moments.
purplemonkey55 1
After a while it should wear off, I think.
murphdarkly 13
It's hard to break a Pavlovian response.
jpoole 4
Slap that hoe with a carrot!!!
then000bster 16
Rofl. That'd be a weird conditioning.... But then so is a banana.
TurquoiseJesus 15
Make her flinch every time she sees a carrot.
Pleonasm 35
"Is that a banana you're peeling or am I just happy to see you?"
Jacquelinia 6
I'm really curious about how she managed to do that.. And how long it took
Dilwann 27
Having sex when there are bananas around, for instance. An 'active' condition takes about 7 times, I think, but this might take slightly longer.